No. Nothing that I know of. Just out of the blue. We were discussing our income tax refund and he said that I would eventually get half of it because he just wanted a divorce and that he did not even want to work on anything... He is the type of person when he has made his mind up that's just the way it is. So, I don't know what to do at this point. He is not happy and just seems to want out.

Time for the Plan B if plan A went OK!

I'm not sure if Plan A went well or not. We've been distant most of the time. BH is just angry and doesn't talk about anything much really. I do want to save my marriage. One day BH says he just wants a D, gives me the "we don't have anything in common" lines, then says we will talk about it more and never do. I do want a good relationship with BH--do I keep trying? Or, should we just get the D? I'm confused about what to do at this point.

Just an update...H talked about D for a couple of days. Said it was what he wanted. Then, that weekend he called me from work and I told him that I was hoping we could talk some more about it and he said we would. He never brought it up again and hasn't said anything else about it since.

We seem to be getting along pretty well. No arguments or AO from either. So, I do not know. I don't want to bring it up again because it is really not what I want.

One thing that has been going through my mind--I've been reading alot about apologizies on here lately...should I try to apologize to OM's BW? I tried to talk to her during the chaos of d-day but she didn't want to hear anything I had to say. Would it make things any better for her if I did? I've heard some say that they wanted the apology and some didn't. So, what do you all think? Would it make anything any better for anyone?

Also, I want to thank everyone who has helped me through this. I know I have a ways to go but I am doing so much better. I actually feel like I have been freed. Vets...your wisdom and support has really gotten me to a much better place. Thank you all.

dawn, I am sorry what you are going through. You said you have been NC for about six months. Are you over him completely ? Is your husband convinced ? You may want to share that with your husband.


I going to be harsh here. Stay AWAY from OM/his family. You have caused enough damage already. The best thing you can do is to continue the NC.

Optin--don't be sorry. I am doing much better. Am I over him completely? I'm not sure if I would say completely...but I don't have any good feelings OR bad feelings about him. I am just coming to a place of indifference which is where I need to be.
As for the apology--I believe you are right. It was just a thought as I have read some of the stories of the BS's here saying that they wished the OP would apologize. But, I think that things are best left as they are. I will continue NC and like Mrs. Wondering told me--avoid OM like the plague...not hard to do since I'm 500 miles away now!!

I am confused by the reference to Plan A/B talk. From what I have read and understand I thought that Plan A and B were only used by the BS to end the affair. If you are the WS and the affair is over, wouldn't you just be working on recovery and reconcilliation? I am not an expert so maybe a MB veteran could answer this.

Yeah, just create more and more distance from that part of your life. It's great that you feel sorry though.

The OM called me up and apologized the night of FR #5. Talked (rambled, kinda drunk I think) for about 10 minutes saying he was sorry for the whole mess, that he didn't want to break up my family that it was a big mistake, thanked me for writing him a couple letters (asking him to stay away from my wife and refuting much of what she told him). Of course he also wrote to my wife saying, "Have fun with your Stockholm Syndrome." So you can imagine what his genuine feelings were.

Of course 3 weeks later it didn't stop him from picking her up while she was very drunk and jumping in bed again.

My impression of the apology as the BS? It was a nice gesture but rather hollow. At the time I felt it added some more definition to the end of their affair, and I think it did in many ways, but I didn't really put a lot of credence in his sincerity.

I did not say anything about plan A or B. I believe that was a reply from imagine when I posted that my H announced that he wanted a D...

And, as for the apology thing...I understand what you guys are saying. It was just a passing thought because I had read here that some would have appreciated it. That's all.

There is NC with either OM or his W and it is going to stay that way.

I guess it depends on the individual BS. I never want to see or be contacted by the OW again. Her apology would mean nothing to me after what she has done to my family. I know that my husband was 50% at fault but I love him so I can forgive him. I have very different feelings towards her. I want to pretend that she no longer exists. Sorry...

There is nothing to be sorry about. Like I said, it was just a thought but I see your point. I really don't want to see her again either. I am not going to do anything--just leave things as they are but I appreciate your response!!