BF,

I think disturbing dreams are a common side effect of the PSTD and ongoing stress a BS endures. Over months and months and months. I had them too. I think they are just depicting our deepest fears--and I do NOT believe they are predictive! More a reflection of what's going on inside us.

So glad you had the chance to connect directly with a friend who has your best interest at heart. I don't know what I would've done without a number of those friends in my life. A couple of them had even been BW's themselves. There was such support there.

Do you have anyone besides that one friend (and us, of course who you can call on?

RHW

I have found that I have so much support! I have a wonderful friend at work, who is also a counselor, who was absolutely THERE for me this whole time and continues to be. What is wonderful about her and my friend last night, is they are able to supportive without tearing WH down -- they can be there for me and let me just get this jumble of feelings out.

I have about 3-4 other friends that I call and sometimes I even call MIL, which is sometimes a wonderful thing and sometimes not, but she and I have always been pretty close.

The ironic thing is that I got along with a lot of people, but never really talked to them about myself or was really close to them until all of this went down. Now I really feel like I have a network of friends -- not just my marriage and family.

I was to start with a new counselor today, but we are massively snowed in here in Ohio, so hopefully I'll go on Friday.

I find posting here helps a lot though, because its always available (heck, sometimes I do it from my iphone) and people "get" what I'm talking about.

Gosh, BF:
I feel the same hatred towards OW. She's been D twice. But this is the first time that I know of that she's hooked up with a married man and managed to steal him away from his wife and kids. How proud she must be of her catch!!!

And she's a golddigger according to H#2 and her last bf. And she's pulling the same tricks on WH.

It's especially sad today since its DD15's birthday. I saw a text she sent to WH saying that she didn't want him to waste his money on her -- all she wanted was her family back. In response, he said he'd drop her gift off at her grandparents' house. WOW -- not seeing his DD on her birthday! Unbelieveable that today is day 31 and still no visit to his kids.

And I met with an attorney yesterday to go over the D petition I received. It's all starting to sink in and it's not pretty for me emotionally.

BF -- you and I are a lot alike -- and we need to accept the fact that our WH were not good husbands. It had nothing to do with us. We were (and still are) good wives and good mothers and good women. And POSOW took our H's morally down the gutter with them.

Wow -- my last line above...I didn't know that the word "gutter" needed to be censored. Maybe it has an alternative definition I didn't know about. In that case, POS wh*&re, sl#$, bi$#h OW has taken our aho*le, POS, stupid WH's down the mother fu*&in$ gutter.

Let me try again. The word is, and I swear this is the original word, -- G U T T E R.

How is that a censored word???

Holyheart, I am so sorry to hear where you are right now!!


I have to disagree with this, tho, my WH was a wonderful husband, father and friend. Definitely, there has been something going on for him that predates the A that he did not handle in a healthy way, let alone that he had the A. If I did not think he was a good man, trust me, I would pursue D pretty quick! Knowing how he was gives me hope. Understanding where he is gives me strength to keep my boundaries!

Ok, so I am writing here so I don't break Plan B -- but I am so angry! We are buried in snow and ice here in the midwest. I was outside before the kids are home playing with dog in snow and decide I should start de-icing car for tomorrow. Its much more work than I thought and I am still working on it when WH drops off kids. Did I want to be outside when he got there? Probably, but that wasn't my original plan, but here I am hacking away at my car and WH drops off kids and drives off. No offer of help; no notice that here's his wife (bright and capable, but not as strong as he) can't even get into her car. I guess I should have taken care of it earlier in the day.
I guess there is a part of me, that despite Plan B, which he seems to follow without complaint seeing how he is expected to do nothing more than pay bills and "visit" his children, hopes he will reach out like a decent human being and try to help his wife and family.
I know, why would I expect that from a wayward. Its just something I expect of my husband...
(How was that -- instead of contacting him with my frustration -- you all get it!)

Good job. It is heartbreaking that they are so cold.

One of the worse cases here was Treereich who lived in Florida during the hurricanes of two years ago. Her hubby left her and her son to deal with evacution, and helped the OW. Unbelievable.

That's what I mean about not being a good husband or a even a good man. WH should have had the decency to stop and help you de-ice the car. (Heck, I'm from sunny California so I can only imagine what a feat this is!) Instead, it's all about him.

It's amazing how this affair disease transforms perfectly good husbands into such inconsiderate fools. My WH treats the cashier at McDonald's with more courtesy than me. Pretty sad.

I reread some of the "classic" posts that Not2fun put back up for SSS. The "be still" thread was very comforting. I had read it before, but I think its something I should almost read every day as a meditation.

There was a statement in one of the threads about WS not being able to even face the BS, because they then have to face the pain they have created. That was something I think I needed to read, too.

We changed the visitation a little, since the two younger kids really don't want to spend the night at WH's apt during the week and I also want them more on the weekend. DD13 rarely sees him. Also, MIL talked with him this week about how upset his children REALLY are. I truly hope his heart is opening a little to take in this information. His fantasy about being single and being a "great" dad has to be crumbling.

Today is another snow day and I'm looking forward to relaxing with the kids, as well as steam-cleaning yet another room! I'm sick of the weather, but loving a clean house! Bless that busy BS energy -- oh yeah, be still, be still....

Will waywards, I mean wonders, ever cease? DD13 wants to go to a movie with friends; I have no cash and even though she scraps enough together in quarters, she must have texted her dad. He offers to bring her money! Not that he doesn't give the kids money when they need it, but certainly not during the middle of a work day??!!
Then DD13 comes in after getting the moohlah from WH and asks if I'll let WH shovel the drive?! MIL must have gotten to him! So I said yes ('cause it needs to be done and I need help, quite frankly) and he will apparently do it today when he comes for other 2 kids.
This will be interesting since he can't come in the house! Maybe he'll keep his car running and hop in from time to time to warm up!! "No cocoa for you (a la soup nazi!)"

Well, WH came and shoveled and then refused to come in the house or to eat with the kids (I had offered to stay upstairs).
So, unlike some, my WH did a huge job for us (took him over an hour) but did not try to see me or break B.
At one point I looked out the window and I thought, "there's OW's boyfriend -- I wish he were my husband", but I think he is done with me.
I'm not sure how I feel. DD4 refused to go with him and then he talked with DD13 to try and get her to come or agree to come this weekend.
UUGHHHHHH!!!!

I know, I know, BE STILL!

So, WH lets me know through the IM that he is willing to come into the house, move the items we need moved, etc (with the kids) and that the only reason he doesn't come in is that he doesn't want to make me uncomfortable. He'll be over in 30 minutes -- what do you think -- hide in my room or bathroom (they are both nice)?
The house looks spectacular, tho, which it should after two snow days, so at least meeting some EN by having the house look warm and inviting...

Hide somewhere. Can you leave, or do you need to watch the youngest?

I think I'll just tuck away in my lovely (and now girly) bedroom and let the kids deal. At least there are fresh cookies!

Good job!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I thought it was funny that he said that because I had read your post about that not long before that message came in. LOL!!

Coincidence? Heck no! No such thing!!

Charlotte

Still wishin' she had a tuba...

Well, he came, he chored, I stayed tucked away and he left....

I just realized he never said goodbye-- to me or DD13! Not that I expected it, but it is a basic social skill!
Also he took like 15 minutes to salt the walk earlier (it takes only 30 seconds) like he didn't want to be done (or didn't want to deal with coming up to the house).
I'm probably overthinking, but at least I have new fodder to keep me busy!

You did fine. And a clean house! Keep it up, and STOP thinking about why he is doing whatever he is doing. Even he probably doesn't know.