lolololololololololololololol!!!!!!!!!!

Absolutely one of the FUNNIEST words I have EVER heard!!! This one made me spew tea on the monitor screen. "Snort"

And for what it's worth. I agree with every single word that Pepper said above.

I agree that this letter should be kept in the WS Hall of Shame.

Hang in there Tully. He is foggy, foggy, foggy. But bits of light are breaking through and he is starting to get CONFUSED!!!!! Good sign.

Blessings,

You have to laugh at this stuff sometimes. None of this is funny in the traditional sense, but if there was no comic relief when my own H had his head stuck up his rear I would have lost it more times than not. There were times I laughed right in my H's face and he would get pissed or dumbfounded. No [censored], I'm not laughing with you...I'm laughing AT you. DJ perhaps? Oh well.

Tully, how are you doing? Still planning to go to France next week?

I generally don't post much here...I lurk alot but when I find a story that touches me....I can't keep my mouth shut or my fingers from typing.
I do have to say in all my life the only man who ever struck me was my father and after that day NO man has ever hit me.

Might be that they knew I could probally take them in a fight. YAY for tomboys who take martial arts.

But seriously Tully dear heart.....Its great he's finally suffering.... sometimes it can open there eyes...and hopefully he can LEARN something.

OW will get hers....Karma has a funny ways of sneaking up on them when they least expect it.

MY XH got hit by the IRS after he and OW shacked up....his large salary wasn't so large anymore. And OW has serious health issues as well. There little love shack is falling apart around them literally.

Today years later...I could care less what happens to them... I for the first time learned to be independant....and being a single mom taught me ALOT. Today I finally have a much better life.

Things always happen for a reason. I know no matter what you can survive this...you are a strong beautiful woman. Proof enough is you have 4 wonderful girls safe with you. ALso you have a cheering squad of many here and if we all could we would be right there with you.

Yeah! what she said!

Tully, I think we need to sign up your wh for my favorite torture fantasy.....TOTAL BODY TWEEZING!!!

That would include his armpits, the back of his neck, and every other place where hair grows on his body. And, since regrowth is not any fun, he would have to undergo it in perpetuity - until such time as he performed his cranio-rectal extraction and started behaving as he should.

bump

Hello everyone, sorry I haven't been around much but I have several reasons. I've been having some internet access problems at my dad's home so I'm in my brother's place right now. Also I've been trying lately to focus on the children as much as I can and to avoid both being on the computer and on the phone. Finally I've also been feeling awful about everything. I beleived until very recently that this was just one big nightmare that both I and WH would wake up from and that life would recontinue from where it was before with just this episode as a bad time we had to cross. However, I have to accept now that WH has no interest in being in a M with me. I realise now with hindsight that he has always looked for the exit sign in everything I said or did. He looked for all indications that meant that I wanted out but didn't want to pull out himself. Since I left France he has persistently interpreted everything I've done as meaning that I wanted out of the M.

He has been sending me emails everyday for the past 10 days and at no point does he indicate that he wants to be with me. What he wants desperately is for me to move back to France and give him 50/50 shared care of the girls. This I cannot do as I do not want to live with no financial independance and to be at his mercy for the rest of my life. Even if the court orders him to support me they can't force him to give what he doesn't have and if he starts a new family with OW (who is only 28 after all) then the needs of those children would also be taken into consideration. The girls will be fine especially since we would be much better off financially here and they would have a large extended family around them. WH can continue to see them at the weekends and holidays as he has been.

He alternates between throwing guilt at me for 'disrupting the lives of the girls' and threatening me with abduction charges, and begging me to consider him and the girls. He keeps saying that I should stop thinking about myself and consider the needs of the girls. It's a horrible situation.

I am flying to France tomorrow to meet my solicitor and I will discuss the situation with her. She sounds great but I'll be interested in hearing what she has to say. I'll let you know when I get back on Tuesday.

Godspeed Tully dear.

If you find it too exhausting to hold onto hope at this point, let go for now. Just please file the following tidbits of info away for when you need them:

1. Your @H is still behaving like a very standard, by-the-book wayward. He is still not different or special, nor is his behavior out of the ordinary.

2. Even if you don't have hope right now, know that at whatever point the pain of keeping OW outweighs the pain of ditching her, your M can still recover.

3. None of this is dependent on whether you feel hopeful right now. Feelings are just that, feelings.


Please let us know how your meeting went, when you can. It sounds as if you're doing very well, whether you feel like it or not. I would only recommend that you stop reading those letters.

Good luck, Tully.

You know, I'd be inclined to counter your WH's demands to have the girls with him in France with a suggestion that he finds a job in Ireland. After all, an important scientist like him should be welcome just about anywhere, yes? Much easier to move one adult than to move four children.

TA

<Said in an Elmer Fudd voice>:

Oh, Tuuuuuuuulllly! Oh TuwwwwwwwY! where are your?

Are you O.K.?

Tully,

Your friends here are thinking about you and sending you our best wishes!!

Sorry to hear about where things are at. I totally agree with TA. Tell WH that he can move to Ireland and can be as close to the girls as he wishes. Otherwise, you aren't doing anything to make his life easy. You need the support of your family. Don't sacrifice that support because WH is trying to guilt you into bringing the girls to France.

Besides, you have a scone empire to build!!!!

Mindshare

Whether or not your M recovers make WH do the work. After D-day I only had D on my mind. Like you, in hindsight I looked for every occassion FWH had hinted at for a possible exit. It just made me more and more angry. My answer to him was that if he was so GD miserable with me then get the [censored] out because I didn't need a POS H like him. Go be with his whore because the two of them where so pathetic that they deserved each other. Here's the door FWH...don't let me hold you back. A WS thinks they are trapped but they are simply too chicken [censored] to leave on their own. Don't offer to leave the M so WH feels better. Put it on him.

Hello everyone,

I got back on Tuesday evening late from France. It was a very stressful, intense and emotional visit. I arrived on Sunday and after lunch in a friend's house I went to my house and packed a few bags of clothes and toys for the girls. It was very painful to look around and see our home full of all those memories. Then on Monday I saw the solicitor who told me that there is a case for child abduction but that the circumstances are such that there is no way he can claim that I have cut contact between them and that the reasons why I left are so understandable that no judge could condemn me. Nevertheless it's upsetting.
My solicitor recommends sending a legal separation agreement (domicile of the girls in Ireland with me, WH to have every second weekend and approx 60% of the school hols) to WH's solicitor and if he refuses (which we expect him to do) then we go full blast for a D so that it is in place before a child abduction case progresses too far.

I got a very upsetting call last night from a 'professional mediator' who was calling on behalf of WH to get me to meet to come to an 'intelligent' solution. He said I had 3 days to respond and then WH would press charges and that 'the police would come to my door and I would receive a prison sentence'. I told him I was an aspiring writer and this could be interesting matter for a novel but that in any case this could never be good for the children.
I shouldn't have spoken to him at all but I have too big a mouth. Got to run as I'm doing this in the library and I have an appointment.
Thanks all

Tully

Professional mediators are NEUTRAL - they do not call on anyone's behalf. This one made THREATS to you in the first call.

Stay away, at all costs, from this person or his minions. He may be a proffesional, but he is not a mediator. P.I. or counselor, methinks.

Yes, it is very sad that you are here.

But with #1. the adultry (which you have in writing, in e-mail form, from WS)
and
#2. Admitting to the physical blow, which fell you to the floor, with an admission, in e-mail writing, <thank you, WS>

PLUS, your WS inabilitly to take personal responsibility for the physical abuse,(he maintains-- in his own hand- he had to do it to "stop" you) and his refusal to get help or promise he will never do it again.. that is cause for you to believe he may "rightly" do it again in the future.

I don't think there is a judge IN THE WORLD who is going to persue charges against you, with this information presented. But I am loath to speak where an counselor should.

My heart goes out to you. RECORD THIS CONVERSATION with this "mediator" and threat to you. GO back home and go back to plan B. Follow your counselors advice, I think your WH is an @ss, there needs to be more TIME here, what can you do to facilitate that?

I know this is a little...off-topic, and possibly a thread-jack, but I wanted to know.

What exactly do you mean when you wish someone "godspeed"?

{{{tully}}}


Like bc said, you have admission by WH's own hand of his betrayal and striking you. Unless you get a judge who is smoking crack, I can't believe any judge would see you leaving France with your children as abduction especially since WH has been visiting and calling. When WH has visitation with the girls, does his visitation have to occur in Ireland or can he keep them in France? I ask because I don't know how the custody laws in either country works and if they are reciprocal.

Did this "professional mediator" give a name? Document the threat either way. WH is getting desperate. I know it is hard but given his warped false pride and victim mentality you just have to let him self destruct on his own. Is all your contact with WH exclusively through third parties at this point?

It it olde English, and means "safe journey" or "prosperity" or "success", etc.
Look it up on wiki

Did he/she leave their name and a phone # ?
(Gawd, I hope so)