I am truly sorry, by what I said to Steve, I in no way meant to disregard or make anyone here that has been going out of their way to help feel unappreciated.
THANK YOU to all of you who have posted in response to my post. I greatly greatly appreciate all of the advice and would be even more lost than I already am, without your input and help.
I only hoped to show Steve, by example, that all women are not how he perceives.
I'm not taking sides or saying he is right in anything else that he has posted. He told me the things from the male pov that could possibly going thru my husband's head... I needed to hear those things, even if they weren't the right things at least I was able to get an idea of maybe the slightest thing from the male perspective.
i understand that I need to focus on myself and figure out my own issues.
I did not mean to seem ungrateful towards the other posters. You are helping and you don't have to and you have been speaking to me from your hearts and when I'm crying, I turn to the forum here, so again I apologize.

Prime example of how my husband feels I guess... I just disappointed the whole forum in one shot... no wonder i managed to disappoint my husband.

I'll update if anything changes... until then I'm going to take a break from here... work on me, keep my distance from H, and try to survive.

Thank you again for your help. I never meant to seem ungrateful at all.

Anna, please don't leave. Not unless you need to for yourself. This place is kind of like a family. We will never meet, so we don't have to be nice to each other, kwim? We can say things just as mean as we would say to our brother or cousin. So, thick skins, 'k?

Anna, please dont think my post to you was that I thought you were being ungrateful. It was not that AT ALL! My post to you was trying to point out that you seek approval from people who have very distorted realities. The fact that you were trying to "prove" to Steve that not all women are the way he sees them....well, who cares what he thinks. He has already proven time and time again that he does not dispence healthy advice, so why seek his approval. Even your last post is seeking approval from me and Cat. Again, honey, we are not here to get you to like us and make us feel warm and fuzzy. We are here because we care. We have been through some truly horrible stuff and want to try to make the path a little bit better for the next poor soul who finds themselves faced with what we were faced with. Even though we may have already walked this horrible walk, it is up to YOU on how you preceed. You still get to determine how you want to face your life. You get to weed through all of the comments here and decide which ones to listen to and which ones to ignore.

I was not trying to hurt your feelings Anna, I was trying to point out how unhealthy your self esteem and marriage are at this moment and ways that you can make your life better. So many of us can see the signs that your H is not ready to be a loving spouce. We know it hurts you to tell you this, but wouldnt it hurt more to continue to live in that disfunction for 10, 20, or 30 more years only to have your self esteem aroded so far away that you no longer even know who you are, let alone how to be happy. You are not going to believe me when I tell you this because I didnt believe it when others said it to me......this journey you are on, no matter if your H comes back or not, it a beautiful gift wrapped in the sh!ttiest of wrappers. Once you keep pulling back layer after layer of self discovery you will see the truly marvelous woman you are. Please dont let posters like Steve distract you from that journey. Please dont try and "please" everyone here. This is for you, not us. I hope you can see that I am only saying these things so that you can move more quickly towards that beautiful confident woman you deserve to be.