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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions Contact with an old girlfriend

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Re: Contact with an old girlfriend OurHouse #2211041 02/11/09 10:12 AM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,602 L lifeschoice Member
lifeschoice Member L Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,602	Docp agreed to reread this thread. In an earlier reply I mentioned I asked him to pay close attention to certain posts, now that I have reread it myself I would like him to take the time to really absorb what everyone had to say (lots of good stuff for him to learn if he is willing.) Docp will often do things because I ask him not because he wants to. I suspect he feels "forced" to reread the thread and also to revisit LB's. How do we get past that? I want him to do things because he wants to not because he feels like he has to. LC

Re: Contact with an old girlfriend lifeschoice #2211190 02/11/09 12:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,316 Michigan M MrsWondering Member
MrsWondering Member M Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,316 Michigan	Originally Posted by lifeschoice I want him to do things because he wants to not because he feels like he has to. But does he "have to" LC, or is he CHOOSING TO because he cares about you and wants to do things that he knows will make you happy? The reality is, he doesn't have to, you aren't holding a gun to his head I don't think...er wait, are ya? Perspective is key I think... Mrs. W FWW ~ 47 ~ Me FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering DD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

Re: Contact with an old girlfriend MrsWondering #2211207 02/11/09 12:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,602 L lifeschoice Member
lifeschoice Member L Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,602	Quote But does he "have to" LC, or is he CHOOSING TO because he cares about you and wants to do things that he knows will make you happy? The reality is, he doesn't have to, you aren't holding a gun to his head I don't think...er wait, are ya? Perspective is key I think... Mrs. W, I agree perception is the key and no, I guess I don't really hold a gun to his head. Seriously though, I know a lot of it for him is how I use to do things pre-A. Pre-A I probably would have ranted and raved until he did what I asked and he would end up doing it just to shut me up. He often thinks I am going to react how I use and by my actions over the last 5 years he should know I'm not going to do what I use to do. I have no idea what it is going to take for him to be comfortable with the new me. I have to cut it here Docp and I have a lunch date. LC

Re: Contact with an old girlfriend lifeschoice #2212649 02/13/09 04:31 AM
Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 18 D Docp Junior Member
Docp Junior Member D Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 18	Okay, I have re-read the entire thread and get it. I see how this could be a slippery slope. I have also re-read "The Basic Concepts" and understand where I went wrong with my independent actions instead of thinking about how it would affect LC. So I have committed a mistake and have now corrected it. I do love LC. Thank you to all who took part in kicking my a$$, as I have now seen the light. So move along, nothing to see here now, move along.... Docp

Re: Contact with an old girlfriend Docp #2212814 02/13/09 11:26 AM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,602 L lifeschoice Member
lifeschoice Member L Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,602	Thank you! Quote So move along, nothing to see here now, move along.... LOL, you are so silly.

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