|
|
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Member
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862 |
Women are women.
It doesn't matter if they are "career women" or "traditional women".
They are all wired the same way.
If a woman is happy being someone's "F buddy" there is something deeply flawed w/ her. IMO
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632 |
How about;
xw, I am happpily dating someone else and you precence here would be obtrusive. Kids are fine, in case you wondered, and all is well. Stay in Italy. Find yourself, if that's even possible.
wish you well,
BH
Jerry
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
How about;
xw, I am happpily dating someone else and you precence here would be obtrusive. Kids are fine, in case you wondered, and all is well. Stay in Italy. Find yourself, if that's even possible.
wish you well,
BH
Jerry I'd say the same thing but add I've just been SO busy lately for obvious reasons.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
I don't think you EVER want to use the word ciao in any communication with WXW based on what Merriam-Webster says:
ciao
Pronunciation: \ˈchau̇\
Function: interjection
Etymology: Italian, from Italian dialect, literally, (I am your) slave, from Medieval Latin sclavus — more at slave
Date: 1929
—used conventionally as an utterance at meeting or parting
I agree with those who say... no response. It's not up to YOU to encourage her to be a mother to her children. She just doesn't get it and you don't need it.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365 |
Princess,
The xW is coming back and he is going to have to communicate with her because she will approach him. Better for him to start being in control now of where the boundaries are.
G
me - 47
H - 46
DS 16 - DD 13
H EA August 2007
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." Cherie Carter
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981 |
Take her back, wine and dine her like she has never had it before. Get her totally re-committed, then RIP HER HEART OUT W/ A RETALIATION AFFAIR!!(Yes, I wrote it out!!!)
I'm kidding - I think you should have some mercy and try out the dating if you aren't seeing anyone yet and IF there is the slightest spark still there. She has to fall on the sword though and take total responsibility for the A and the D. If no spark, then MOVE ON. You are the only one who can save her soul at this point. I think she has figured that out.
DUDE
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 558
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 558 |
Women are women.
It doesn't matter if they are "career women" or "traditional women".
They are all wired the same way.
If a woman is happy being someone's "F buddy" there is something deeply flawed w/ her. IMO Marsh ~ I don't agree with that. Not all women are alike anymore than all men are alike. I think the majority of women would not want a "F-buddy" relationship but there are women out there that do. This woman may be in a period in her life where a marriage and family or a committed relationship are not important to her but she does need the SF need meet and 6 is doing that. As long as they are on the same page about the relationship and what the expectations are, then I say go for it.
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
Princess,
The xW is coming back and he is going to have to communicate with her because she will approach him. Better for him to start being in control now of where the boundaries are.
G Maybe, maybe not, but why does he have to do that NOW? Her letter was a cowardly way of sticking her foot in the water. When and IF she ever approaches him (which I doubt will happen), THEN he can tell her what's what. I disagree that he has to take any action TODAY.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,652
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,652 |
Holy cow, that's what "ciao" really means???
xWW didn't mention the kids. 6 was justifiably angry about that. He doesn't owe her anything, and it isn't up to him to "fix" her relationship with the kids. He's willing to do his part to try to heal the wounds on behalf of his kids, but other than doing it for the kids, he doesn't owe xWW a thing. Yuck to her.
me - 47  H - 39  married 2001 DS 8a  DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862 |
I think the majority of women would not want a "F-buddy" relationship but there are women out there that do. I agree. There are women who disrespect themselves so much that they will allow a man to use them, while convincing themselves that they are meeting a "healthy" personal need for themselves.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 532
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 532 |
Doesn't sound like she is being 'used' especially since she initiated. Why is it that when women make the same choices a man makes, they are being used while he is simply a [censored]?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 896
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 896 |
Hello Dude,
I'm not sure I ever replied to you before. I am not at all interested in reconciling with xWW. I wish she would build a relationship with the children so that they can have a mother. She is a terrible mother and they had a bad experience. Part of that was my fault because I just kept pick up more and more and really made no demands on her to be a mother. Of course, she could still have been there but she was not.
I'm thinking I'm just going to avoid getting drawn in right now. I'll let xMIL tell her that I am not interested.
Gabe
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365 |
6,
You have to do what feels right to you. You certainly don't have to rush - she's not back until March. I do believe at some point she is going to want a relationship with her children and you're going to have to deal with her.
Don't feel guilty that you could have helped her be a better mom - she had to want it to begin with. She always has the choice of becoming a good mom - but it has to be her choice. What a wicked woman to leave her kids like that and how sad for your kids.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
GG
me - 47
H - 46
DS 16 - DD 13
H EA August 2007
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." Cherie Carter
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 896
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 896 |
Ggirl,
I'm going to just take my time deciding. I'm not sure she is wicked, just very very immature and self centered.
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,531
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,531 |
Well now you got another immature woman to deal with. I just hope she does not sabatage your condoms and turn up pregnant ...."The condom failed!".
I have seen it again and again.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 896
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 896 |
Stellakat,
That is scary that a woman would do that. My new friend is very very different from xWW. xWW could not manage for herself and was afraid of trying to take on life by herself. Strange that she is doing it now, maybe she will grow up.
My new friend is driven for her career. She doesn't even ever mention wanting family after she gets established, but we don't really talk much except sometimes on the treadmill.
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,531
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,531 |
She could fall in love with you and then do something that is not reasonable. Women have been known to drill holes in condoms. Just be careful. Bring your own condoms and dont let her touch them.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
I'm going to state what someone else did earlier.
Why is friends with benefits okay for guys and not for girls?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,531
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,531 |
Is it really OK for anyone at all?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
If two consenting adults have an understanding, then I do not see a problem.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
626
guests, and
35
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,489
Members71,946
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
