Chewie, you dumb*ss.

WTF were you thinking?!?!

You are wasting EVERYone's time (read: INCLUDING YOUR OWN) by continuing this charade.

You are NEVER going to live down these lies. This was a full-blown PA, we have been around here long enough to know that there IS no such thing as a 5-year "EA".

How stupid do you think we are???

Look, I BELIEVE you want to recover your M.

I don't think you really know or understand what a "real marriage" is, but that is beside the point right now.

So let me tell you this...you will get nowhere FAST without dumping the whole truth. You thought you could eek out a little more and still pass the poly...it didn't work.

There is NO WAY you completely failed one part of the poly yet are telling the truth.

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT, and you are looking only dumber and dumber by continuing to lie.

If you want even the SLIGHTEST chance at saving your M, for the love of God, man...TELL THE FREAKING TRUTH.

You will feel better when you do, I promise.

Not only that, but you won't be dreading JUDGEMENT DAY as badly because you HAVE told the truth.

Is it FUN to live your life worrying that any minute Chrys might find out the REAL truth????

Because believe me...SHE WILL. BS's can sniff out lies like a fly can sniff out horsecrap. Seriously.

If you continue to lie, you WILL be divorced. That I can promise you.

Chewie, come on....don'tr make her feel "STOOPID" Any more...Stoopid is as Stoopid Does---Forrest Gump....Ya know Forrest always loved Jenny, and he wasn't a "smart man, but he knew what love meant". Daggone, Chewie, Forrest Gump was smarter than you in the most important facet of his life. And just to make you feel more STOOPID, I promise, you that your Hoor, and by the way that is what she is, has let folks know that you and she were an item... she's a Ho, that is what Ho's do....She is trash....So you know...She will be fat and "not so ethereal" one day, and your kids will loathe you.
Is this trash worth all that to you?? When all you have left in this world is a Hoor who stole your soul, where are you gonna be? She has got to be the be all & end all of humanity to make you lose your kid's devotion and your family's respect. She will have taken your soul. May we call her Bathsheba? GF

So I done got censored. Perhaps, I could have said "Ho", or "Hoor", undesirable human except to a few, sorry Mods. GF

Chewie,
I liked johnstwins changes. that make the NC letter...


But all this is irrelevant. You sent the letter without waiting for people to have a chance to really critique. A letter that as a FBW I feel does not belong to you. It was chrysalis's to send or not. You sent it, so you have made contact.


ETA: Ok, Chrysalis tell me she ok'ed the sending BUT she also said she thought the letter was worthless. No value in it then and it doesnt help her AT ALL

Chewie,

Taken from Chrys's thread


Um Hello why have you been calling this an EA??? Any form of physical contact causes it to cross over to a PA. Start calling it what it is.

LC

OK, heres another question for chewie then:

When did you last fondle, touch, kiss, or make love with her?

Chewie does not answer direct questions about his affair, Stellakat. He is here at present asking for help with lying convincingly to Chrys.

Chewie, I have been re-reading some of Chrys's threads here, and they are heartbreaking. She has tried so hard to create a passionate marriage of extraordinary care with you and you have never demonstrated an interest in doing the same. You have only used her commitment to fulfil your selfish and destructive desires.

I have bumped 3 threads that she posted to this forum during her struggles with you. They are 'New here', 'limbo' and 'D Day 4 today'. I have also bumped 3 of her threads posted on the Recovery forum. They are 'Urgent...somebody help!', 'Tiptoeing back over to recovery' and 'Recovery - not for the fainthearted'.

Read them and see what you have done to her, and then decide not to do it any more.

You affair partner is married, with children, and, it seems, not willing to break up her marriage for you. She might be waiting until her children are older before she leaves her husband, but, while she will not leave him now, it is clear that she wants to keep you in her life.

It is obvious that you have strong feelings for your affair partner and that you have never wanted to end the affair and create a passionate marriage of extraordinary care with Chrys. It might be that you are waiting for your affair partner to end her marriage, and are waiting until your disabled son is older and you can leave with a clearer conscience.

You should be honest to Chrys about your feelings. It is wrong for you to use her as you have done for at least 5 years to maintain your home and family base until you are ready to leave.

I think that lying about the sexual nature of the affair is despicable, but I also think that the truth about the sexual contact is far less important than the recognition that you have been abusing Chrys's love and commitment for at least 5 years. You have also had at least one previous affair that you refuse to tell her details of. Years ago, your current OW left a message on your phone that suggested that there had been more than one previous affair.

How long have you been creating a marriage of convenience for you and abuse for Chrys? Do you think that it is your right to do so, because you are standing by and supporting your disabled son? Are you going to stop this abuse, ever?

"Chewie, you dumb*ss. WTF were you thinking?!?!"

If I have learned anything here, it is that during an A waywards don't think. They merely act on their own selfish desires. I repeat what I wrote earlier in this post... Chewie lacks empathy. His postings here are for his own benefit, not the benefit of his BW. He continued his A, continued to lie convincingly enough to fool many people, and continues "on the attack" - now against his BW - to keep an appearance that he is a good guy, none of this is HIS fault and he is not an adulterer nor liar. It is much, much more than the "STUPID CHOICE" name of this thread.

AM

But, armymama,

During THIS affair Chewie has had lengthy counselling with SH and has diligently engaged in the MB Home Study course. Over the course of about 3 years now, he has set in place a series of measures to make it seems as if his activities are transparent and the affair is over. He did all this with a great deal of thought. He could not have done any of this whilst not thinking.

It is more than his lacking empathy, and more than his acting on his selfish desires with no thought for Chrys. I think that he is alienated from his marriage and has not been committed to it for years. I think that he is planning to leave when his affair partner is ready to leave her marriage.

This is a choice he is making, and it is stupid, and it is immoral for Chewie to use Chrys and his son until he is ready to follow a different path.

The level and length of deception here is beyond belief.

Chrys, you simply cannot ever trust this man again. No basis for a marriage.

Sugar,

You may be right. He may be more mean and evil than just selfish and uncaring. I agree he is immoral/amoral and continuing with BW when he has other long term plans is exceedingly cruel. Either way, it is way more than his self-described "stupid choice".

AM

In my experience...waywards have tunnel vision.

Everything he does and says is motivated by his addiction.

He lies...because it serves his addiction.

Perhaps it is simply a desire he has to one day be with his OW and be able to say "we've been friends for years and after we divorced our spouses...we fell in love". He can't have his future relationship tainted by disclosure and exposure of adulterous conduct. On the other hand, maybe he thinks, fears or knows that OW can't have her future relationship with him tainted by disclosure and exposure of adulterous conduct.

He hopes to maintain the appearance of a legitimate relationship/re-marriage for all his "professional" colleagues.

Perhaps OW's parents, siblings, her adult children wouldn't approve. I know her husband wouldn't.

Perhaps it's just Chewie's sense of pride. (cough)

Whatever it is...he is lying for OW and the affairs sake. His marriage is a secondary concern (which means no concern at all to a wayward)

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- Does OW's husband, parents and/or disapproving siblings know about the polygraph results?

He is lying...

Obviously.

And he planned to all along. He set up the typical even-though- those-polys-aren't-reliable conversation here. He proposed the idea that he might be too emotional to pass (PULEASE!!!) And then he revealed just enough to make it look like he was coming clean.

He thought he would outsmart the board, as well as Chrys. He doesn't know just how predictable he is. :RollieEyes:

Of course, there is another option about the polygraph's indication of lying on the sexual details, and that is that the sexual contact took place in another relationship - and not the previous affair that Chrys already knows about.

EXACTLY SMB!!!

Chewie thought that he would just "come clean" on all but the physical affair lie...that he would surely be able to fool the poly if only one lie was out there...Arrogance at it's finest!

And then of course he can say to Chrys, "See how honest I was with you regarding contact? Why would I bother to lie about anything after telling you that? It just wouldn't make sense Chrys!"...Gaslighting her to death...

Frankly, it's insulting that he thinks that anyone would buy the garbage that he is peddling...It is SOOOOOOO obvious that he is LYING...Even a 5 year old would not be fooled...

Sorry Chewie, the jig is up...This entire board has your number...

I agree with Mark, your only hope here is to ask God to give you a new heart...A HUMBLE HEART, Chewie...

Mrs. W

Time out here. We do too. To be fair, all BS's go through the same thoughts/feelings/emotions/devastation, whether it's a PA or "just" an EA (that phrase makes me cringe too).