You take pride in not asking for anything in a relationship.

Why is that?

Marshmallow,

You seem to have a strong sense of what defines healthy for everyone. I guess I think there is more variety, I wonder what you think of gay men. I have my problems, and I would guess you have some as well. I was very specifically not taking pride in the fact that I don't ask for anything in return. As the smiley (which you removed) indicated. I doubt I could choose wisely for a life partner, I didn't do a good job the first time. And my son picked a girl who is giving up her child.

When you mentioned sex you equated my friend with getting a room key from a stranger or hiring a prostitute, I would say that is more casual than an ongoing, but friendship, relationship. I'm not looking for a relationship at all right now, I may never look for one. Some people like sex, even if it is casual. Sex is not the most intimate thing people can share, why do you think EA's hurt? The naked comment as meant to illustrate that sex is a physical act, that is pleasurable, but it is still just a physical act to me. The emotional part and the lies from my xW's affair hurt more than the few times they had sex. The fact that she does not care about her children hurts more than her having sex with another guy.

What does define healthy to you? What if I don't want another relationship? In your world should I just go without sex for the rest of my life?

When I asked you why you you took pride in not asking for anything in a R, I wasn't judging you. I wanted you to seriously consider that.

No judgment in the question at all.

6yl

People should not be in a relationship and date until one year after the divorce. You have not been divorced for a year.

As to what people say and want are quite often not the same. You go to the gym, make good money, basic good catch.

Gym FBuddy, single, works out good looking, makes good money. FB does not need to move fast to close the deal.

FB uses recreational sex to build a long term connection. Because she is goal oriented and knows how to work a man slow and long.

Like most men you don't want to know a when a woman with a total package is playing you.

6:

Heres a little more about my take on things.

Had I not posted yesterday, this thread may have dropped off.

I like that you keep coming back. You ARE trying to learn more about yourself. No matter what, hanging around this site and reading will bring perspectives and thoughts that you may not have considered.

Your dating a younger woman.

She has been referred to as a F-buddy. Lets END THAT. She is single, so is he. Doesn't matter who may have FIRST referenced it that way, it is disrespectful terminology for both parties involved. Please refer to her as LF, as in Lawyer Friend, or some other term that is comfortable to 6.

Instead of a whole bunch of wining ang dining, you went to SF at her apartment soon after the D was final and xWW flew out of your life. 6 certainly hasn't been "playing the field" and "hooking up" with all the other eligible ladies at the gym.
If this is the type of relationship he is comfortable with, then he is allowed that.

I believe Marsh is asking 6 to look closer into WHY he can have these somewhat uninvolved emotionally relationships like this. It seems to be something that is part of 6. (I will NOT make any jokes about him being a lawyer, and what would you expect? LOL, ;))

Along this same line, I asked 6 to look into his "picker" to find out why he makes these choices in women. There is something missing, what that is I don't know. But for 6 to HAVE a long-term successful relationship, he better find out why. THAT is what Marriage Builders is all about.

I don't think that 6 is looking only at the financial angles that some have posted about. If your money is more important that your relationship, than you are missing the point of MB.

If you disapprove of him having SF outside of marriage, then that is an opinion. (Yes, I certainly abused that one....I have learned much here) He is with a consenting adult. She doesn't work for him, she is not dependent on him, and she is making these choices with her body as well.

L can be secure with 6 because it works for her, and for HIM right now. This relationship continues, in a number of years, thier relationship might move to a deeper, more complete level. And it allows L to say to the persistent ones, "I'm in a relationship, now"

I DO think that 6 has excellent an relationships with his children. He just has troubles with adult women. (Guys, don't ALL of us?) Continue to learn here, 6. You will gain some better insight into this. I did.

You gave and gave and gave to your prior WW. She had an A, and your M never recovered from that. Lets try and construct a new model for your next long-term relationship. That's the MB goal.

LG

LG,
Good points. 6 is doing a great job of valueing and taking care of his outer self (gym/health) but he needs to start looking to innerself. I would like to see him reread these posts - some of his perception of the posts are narrowed down to his relationship to the women friend but he needs to read with a wider view at the messages.

GG

Hey LG,

I do come here to gather opinions and try to figure out what is the best thing to do. My life has been such a cheesy soap opera the last year, so I have alot to think about.

I know I am one of those super functioning people who would rather take care of everything than get any help. I've been that way for so long, and the 10 years of nearly single parenting 5 children only reinforced those traits. I am a great Dad, pretty successful and good at self care (work out , eat right, take time for fun, etc.)
It is not that I am afraid to relay on people ( I think ). I just feel happy when I am doing everything. ALthough, I make the children do a significant amount of chores and manage their own money.

I'm still reading here. I like having a place where I can just tell things and get reactions. Like about Sam's baby or my LF.