Flipper,<BR>All those who profess to be Christian are not Christians. There are a lot of people who think they are saved and are not. The lady you spoke of has herself at the center of her universe. The Bible talks of those people in great detail. She was trying to justify her actions. This behavior is much like that of the pharissees and saduccees. You will know a tree by its fruit. She did not have the fruit. She had the talk but the walk is out of synch. You always know a true Christian because their walk and talk are in synch. As long as I continue to let Him direct my path then I will always be safe because He said He would NEVER leave nor forsake me. He has always come through during those tough times. <P>It seems that He has been working on you because you left her in the dust. Good for you. We do serve a MIGHTY GOOD GOD. All praise, glory, and honor to Him.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Professorg: Your strong, positive, christian belief is commendable, but it truly is not a barrier or obstacle to an affair.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>With God calling the shots, it is the ONLY barrier that will succeed. If I try to do it under my OWN power, then I am DOOMED TO FAIL EVERY TIME.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited October 22, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited October 22, 1999).]

Professorg:<P>I agree with you 100%. Just thought you'd like to know that some people like to twist things a bit to suit their own purposes. OW was very much of the opinion that everything revolved around her. Got involved trying to help OW cope with illness. Found out that very lonely person existed under all the camoflage. Outwardly very deeply committed to Christ, inwardly committed only to self.<P>In this case it was easy to see she was out of synch, but other cases may be more difficult.<P>GBU2<P>Flip

Had a long talk with my sister last night about opposite sex friendships. She has lots of guy friends and I really wanted to hear how she does it. She seems to think that it is unnatural to have friends only of the same sex. She thinks I have a problem with men and that I should go to a counselor to discuss why I can't have men friends. ugh. I explained that I associate with men at work, am friendly, but don't discuss my personal life with them, or let them talk to me about their personal life. I thought I could be all trendy and cool having this man "friend" to talk to, and he turned into the OM. It is something I see with mostly young 20 somethings these days. Even to the point of having roomates of the opposite sex. Can't do it. And won't date anyone who does. That probably rules out alot of dating options for me, but oh well. Two other women I work with, and one of whom I'd call a close friend, tend to have mostly men friends. My observation of both of them is that they don't generally get close to other women because they like being the center of attention, and hanging out with another woman doesn't give their egos (as a woman) much stroking. Same thing with guys who have lots of female "friends". The guy I just broke up with over this issue wanted to still be friends and I told him that wasn't possible. I don't want to be part of any man's harem or stable of females, whether it involves sex or not.

Opposite-sex friendships are truely a no-win situation for a marriage. I honestly don't see how a comparison to the spouse won't be made at some point in the friendship. Once the comparrison starts, the affair is giving life and the downward spirial begins. <P>Opposite-sex friendships are breeding grounds for affairs. When marraige troubles occur, and they are inevitable, even the strongest of character can/will succomb to temptation. <P>I think prior to my wife's affair I would not have had much of an issue with opposite sex friends, but now I see they are just too dangerous to any marriage. <P>A feel Fool No More and others like him are just in an awful situation. Telling your spouse to end a friendship because it makes you uncomfortable will cause resentment. The spouse with the friend will believe they can handle the friendship and view you as controlling, jealous, and overly possessive. <P>POJA is great only if both spouses sign up for it. I think those whom have made it through an affair are more likely to abide by it than those who haven't. <P>SHA

SHA, I'd have to agree.<P>10 years ago I had a group of "work friends" that was very similar to what my H had a year ago. His crew was about six gals and three guys; mine was about six guys and two gals. Same deal -- nutty boss, unhappy at work, we were each other's strength.<P>The difference was that every time I went to dinner after work with these people, I invited H to come with me. And still...when our marriage went through a rough patch due to H's unemployment and depression, suddenly I was talking to one of these guys one day (not about the marriage), and boom! It hit me. "Boy, he's attractive."<P>That's the one where I ended up finding another job before things got out of hand and never saw the guy again.<P>So I do understand how it can happen.<P>I just wish I could make H understand. I don't think he sees her that much anymore; I truly don't. But the whole situation has kind of upset the applecart of our relationship in my mind, and I don't trust the way I used to. When he says he's going in to the office for a few hours on Saturday, I always wonder if that's where he's going; whereas before, I never would have questioned it.<P>My rule now is: No male friends. I have to practice what I preach.

SHA --<P>Bingo! Couldn't agree with you more.<P>But, our challenge is to come up with some strategy to confront these "friendships" in a positive, non-threatening way. To give the spouse the "out" without creating an environment considered controlling, demanding, etc. I just wish there was a formula that we could all apply here. Unfortunatly, there isn't.

No, you didn't come to the wrong place. It's like you're writing what I've already lived with my H. You are at the point where I began to work on my marriage. His affair turned sexual after I had started to work on my marriage because he was already hooked. Then he became torn between the two of us and then I won out. If she's having lunch with him without you, as far as I see it, there's a problem, not to mention she wants a separate life from you. My H started with frequent e-mails, then phone calls, and then came.... You ignoring the problem will only make it worse. I think you need to work big time on making her your priority. She's getting her needs met elsewhere.

Dazed<BR> I never said YOU should do it.I said I<BR> would. I stand by that. <BR> He can't end the friendship? Wow, I really feel for you. Good Luck.