Absolutely take the call. If you weren't so well composed, I might not suggest it. You seem strong enough to deal with it. Some possible statements in response to her forth coming rant.

Did you think there was no consequence beyond my broken heart?

If you were so worried about people finding out at your job, why were you screwing people there?

Were you amused when you thought of how stupid I was for thinking you loved me?

When you came to me about the problems in our marriage, Oh that's right you never came to me about the problems in our marriage.

When you screwed those guys did you have any concern for my health at all regarding transmission of STDs?

Did you hate me so much that instead of just asking for a divorce you had play the slut and debase yourself while you were married to me?

If she calls, I'd suggest somewhat more non-commital responses than ouch. Some I've seen suggseted in response to rage and blameshifting are along the lines of:
"I can see you are upset, what are you really upset about?"
"Yes, this must be upsetting, we can talk about this once you end your affairs."
"Yes, these affairs must have complicated things for you."

That type of thing. You cannot argue with these foggy folks. Just remain calm and non-commital. Someone on SI had a pretty good list of these type of responses.Some folks took issue with them and suggested harsher response, much harsher than ouch suggests.

But, the point is not to engage in any form of debate or advocacy with them. I tried some advocacy etc and it was met with total disdain. Once I started blowing her rage off, I felt much better. She still left to be with the Om, but I felt better about how I handled things.

She called. Went exactly according to script. I was thinking about working it out, but now since you did this no way.

I reminded her that she did this, I was simply telling the truth. Then she went very quickly to how could I even make up for this.

I was having a hard time figuring out how to contact her co-workers, so thanks to keystroke logger, I got into her Friendster account and posted the following bulletin that went to all of her friends and coworkers: "My Adultery: I have been having an adulterous, sexual affair with co-worker John Smith and it cost me my marriage". Then I changed the password so that she could not erase the bulletin.

Now I am done with exposure. Sit back and see what happens. She did ask me what she could do, and I said cancel the Vegas trip, which she said was already done. We'll see what happens.

Much as I hate to admit it, I am enjoying this, vicariously.

I did total exposure, as well. My XWW was going nuts, claiming I'd taken years off her mom's life. Her mom just totally supported me, as did her dad and brothers. Thye all told me she is a haabitual liar and sociopath.

Sometime after she moved out and the OM was discarded, she called me complainign that I had trashed her to everyone(simply gave the facts, m'am). And, she added "Maybe I should have gone to counseling". Too late for that.

Nice job.

Exactly. You can't reason with an addict while they're still under the influence of their "fix". You can however stick to the key message - her choice to engage in adultery is what led to this situation. Keep mentioning the words "affair" and "adultery". It will eventually sink in.

Ouch! Now, I probably would not have gone that far, as it looks more vindictive than anything else. I might have suggested a note that looks like its coming from you, stating something like: "Hi, my name is XXXX. Unfortunately my WW is currently having an affair with co-worker YYYY. I love my WW and want to recover our M. Any assistance you can give will be appreciated."

Remember, exposure is a tool for ending the A, not "getting back" at your spouse (unless of course you have no intentions of recovering your relationship).

In any case, she can probably request a new password via e-mail - unless you've changed the address too

You are a rock. She needs to come back begging for forgiveness. You would want her at a different job anyway if you were merciful and took her back.

To be honest, I am still a little unsure about the Friendster thing. But I keep thinking about Doc Halliday.."It's not the revenge, it's the reckoning" She called back late last night to tell me that she had lied about her sexual encounters as a way of getting out of the marriage, which she had been unhappy in for some time. OK. I am just going to keep exposing until she gives up on the lying, and the Friendster account message may be the best way to put pressure on her where #2 works. And #2 was the one she was lying to protect. When I told her that I spoke to HR Supervisor where #2 works, as well as corporate ethics, she said she was resigning out of embarrassment. If that is true, that is a good thing. No more work ties with #2, plus it puts social pressure on him.

I texted him last night and told him fornicating with another man's wife was dangerous business, be careful, and have fun in Vegas. Maybe that's why the Vegas trip was cancelled??

Believe me, I am struggling not to sound vindictive, but apparently my wife is a serial liar and adulteress. I feel like to shake her out of this with as much embarrassing exposure as possible. I will go over to the Friendster account, if it has had some reaction I may take it down. I just wanted the hospital gossip mill where #2 works to get going. It won't take much to get that snowball running down hill.

Ok, just checked Friendster. The message got traffic from her family in the Phillipines, that is a good thing. Also, a friend of hers from the hospital sent her a message that was actually to me that said please stop because this will not help WS.

Oh yeah, when she said last night that she lied, she mentioned that I could not prove anything. Thinking back, it seems like she may be preparing to defend herself at work. Still in denial?? She is just as stubborn as me BTW. I left the bulletin up.

LOL! I'm curious as to how you responded to that obvious lie. I suspect that's the same "story" she's now parroting to everyone who knows (likely part of a scheme to make her look like an innocent party that's being victimized by a overbearing and abusive H in a M she desperately wants to get out of, and of course to also protect OM#2 from the fallout of exposure), but now that YOU have taken the FIRST step in exposure, guess who people are likely going to believe?

Is OM#2 M'd? If so, have you exposed to his W? Best to do all of the exposure at one go.

Finally, be careful with *how* you do the exposure. If you come across as the vindictive H, not only will you reduce the chances of recovering your M, your WW will use that against you.

Ok, it is getting good. The friendster thing I did was the best so far. The family descended upon me and started attacking me, which gave me a chance to tell my side. I invited them to read this site and see why I did exposure. I also told them not to assist WS in her lies and deception, because they will then be a party to it. I said I know you are embarrassed but it is not my behavior that embarrassed you. I will not crawl under a rock and bear the weight of her behavior by myself. Her actions affected you as well as me. Do the responsible thing and bring her moral compass back in line.

I assured them that exposure was over, and that I had gotten my message out. I would no longer speak of this outside the family.

Her sister called me and was attacking me...said that she made this up to make me mad...Yeah right. Again...help your sister,hate me if you want, but read MB.com to see why I did what I did. And be a responsible adult.

I TOLD you that was the story she was going to try to spin!!

I'm more inclined to believe now that it's for OM#2's benefit, as well as to get her out of the hot water she's now found herself in. I'm going to bet that they've worked on the spin together. Did you find out if he's M'd?

IMO only people below a certain IQ level will fall for an "explanation" like that. If your WW really wanted out, falsely presenting herself as an adulterer and damaging her own reputation would likely have been one of her LAST choices of action. Of course, active WWs do think that they're "smarter than the average bear" and any story they dream up should be believed by us less intellectually-inclined individuals.

Active WWs don't do very much long-term thinking either. Her sister is going to be pissed about being lied to when the truth does come out...

WS now calling me...seems suddenly ready to deal. Now she is saying she lied to me to upset me about the sex with OM #1 & #2. Based on phone records, she may have been lying about #1 to protect her ongoing affair with #2, and throw me off scent. #2 is where the danger is, and why the Friendster thing worked so quick. Their co-workers and friends were all on Friendster. I told her we had nothing to say to each other if she was going to persist in these lies.

Asked me again how I could do these things and how I could take it so far. I told her I gave her the opportunity to fess up and she did not take it. I told her to go and be with the OM and see if fantasy lives up to reality. Said that is not what she wants. Funny thing is she now has time to call me from work...go figure.

I have decided that if she ever decides to drop the lies and work on it, professional counseling will be a must. She is a serial liar and adulterer...before I would feel safe in the relationship I would need to know what is going on in that head.

There's one I haven't heard before. I was willing to make myself out to be a slut to make you mad. :twobyfour:

Exposure with a flair. I like it.

Ok, I went and re-read the entire thread.

You say you have "concrete proof" of the A with OM#2. At this point, I suggest sharing that knowledge with family, including that sister, and anyone else who parrots your WW's latest version back to you.

If the "concrete proof" was achieved via dubious means though, I would suggest instead telling them that you've got absolute proof that the A happened, and you're not relying on your WW's version of events, and you will share that proof, if that becomes absolutely necessary.

And here's the thing - if they believe that she's lying about A#2, then they'll be less-inclined to believe that she's telling the truth about EITHER A.

You need to find out who OM#2's GF is. I'm guessing he's also listed on Friendster? Perhaps you can find out through that means.

WOW! It is getting serious now...WS got FIRED from her clinic job. Asked if I was happy with what I did...I said of course I was not happy she was fired. But I only gave her employer the facts, she was the one who got herself fired. Asked her if she was beginning to understand the consequences yet.

On the downside, this will necessitate more time where #2 works. However; with Friendster exposure, it is now in the open with the co-workers, and management as well.

I also told her that I am done with exposure and that everything I did was to save our marriage. You now have the opportunity to be with him, I hope he is worth everything that he has cost you.

Working on finding #2's GF...

How big of a deterrent is negative social pressure in the workplace?? She mentioned that she has been getting texts like crazy due to friendster. The gossip mill is in overdrive I am sure.

It's a very big deterrent if your WW has any sense of shame.

Her attempt to try to spin the story suggests that she does.

One of the reasons my FWW left her job was over the shame and embarrassment of knowing that one, possibly two people knew of her A. I imagine she would have left a LOT quicker if the entire office knew.

Negative workplace pressure is good. Unless WW is so far gone that she doesn't care or has toxic friends, she will not want to endure the whispering and stares.