Yeah, it's funny how that works, isn't it? It is perfectly ok for THEM to do things in secret and not to tell YOU what they're up to, but God forbid the BS actually does something and the WS isn't informed!

Rod, so glad you think you have an IM! You need to do a very dark PB on her!

Have fun on your weekend and don't forget you are still married!

Ditto!

Rod

Hope you had a good weekend. FF helped me find your link over here. I hope your friend will be able to be your IM.

Fled

I came home after fun weekend a little bummed . All I could think of was that I was going back into the frying pan once again .I got home to a message on the machine that my WW is on "Vacation" and would be away for a week .My WW and the Om were going away to enjoy themselves .How do you ruin the lives of ,say 40 or so people and then go on vacation .Just how does that work .After all the support I am getting here I feel like I am letting you people down but I just dont want to deal with this anymore .The anger is starting to creep in from the darkness i find myself immersed in . How dare they "Go on vacation " I hope one day they both rot in _ell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If she had died it would have been so so so so much easier to deal with.

I think your WW was trying to respond to your own weekend. It seems as she has tried to escape her problems with the holiday.

Wont work.

I have to keep reminding myself that there are two hands that have been dealt into this game of "Life Blackjack". Of the two I definitely will have the best hand once all the cards are played. I also thought that ,as I had coming back after my weekend, my wife will be hitting a huge wall of "Back into the frying pan" on her return to "Normal".Her "Frying pan" is huge compared to my little thing !!!!!!!!!

Yes, if she had dies, you would be mourning the wonderful person she was and have support from everyone doing that....
instead you are mourning the wonderful person you believed her to be and trying to come to grips with who she is now.

I have now spoken to my friend concerning the Plan B Letter . He is in agreement and is willing to be my IM . I now have to rewrite a little and spring it on her . It has been so nice all week knowing that she was not going to show up or phone .My broken heart was able to take a break .No signs in the kids that they miss her at all .

One day your WW will regret leaving her family behind. It may take a few years, but she will. How can a true human go on in life acting as if their previous life did not even exist? They are in a state of denial, caught up in their own selfish desires, that even the children come in last.
You can take comfort in the fact that you are the truly strong person, that you are there for your children, and even though you have a broken heart where you feel there is a vast hole in your chest, you still put up the brave front to keep a stable home for your family.
I too am broken, but we will all get through this stronger.

Thanks Broken ! It means so so much to hear (read) someone else write(say) the words I need to read(Hear) . I think I will print off your response and put it up at my desk and on my fridge as a pedestal on which to prop up my shattered dreams and self-esteme. "When You're Down and Out , When you're on the street ,When times are hard , I'll comfort you ,i'm on your side "...........

Here is the finished "B" letter .Check it out.

WW, it is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. It is truly sad to see what has happened to us and to our marriage ,our children and our families . The decision I now make is out of a necessity to spare what I can of the love I have for you.

I have made many mistakes in the past and cannot change those mistakes or take them back. I failed to allow you a loud enough voice in the decisions concerning our family .I didnt acknowledge your needs nor take them seriously enough at times .I failed to listen when I should .I being human do not fully understand all things in our or any relationship that I failed in but am willing to learn .

I am truly sorry for helping to create and sustain an environment that has made your affair possible and allowed it to continue. I too had a responsibility to meet your most important needs; and by lacking the right judgment, I did little to aid efforts in building and growing our love for each other.I lost sight of the importance of a you as a wife and mother , . Now I know I am more than able to not just meet those needs, but to be lovingly enthusiastic in meeting them .I am willing to forgive mistakes you have made just as you should forgive those made by me.

I have had a most difficult time in the last 4 months . There has been pain and hurt in this time knowing you are with someone else .These times I have spent learning to mend my failings. The pain and hurt, even though causing me great anguish, has let me realize the inner strength I really possess. The dual nature of hurt and strength makes a conflict that now leads me to an inescapable conclusion. This conclusion, I will hold firm to, as I have learned my strength will only be in my resolve.

WW ,this decision I make, I do not make lightly. It is not meant as a measure to punish you. It is simply meant as a way to no longer drain the love I have for you, even the kind of love I had for you during the time of the affair.The continued pain has become an unhealthy part of my learning to be the best possible husband and father for the ones I love. As soon as you can fully, permanently and unconditionally separate from OM and are willing to commit to measures to verify that separation, I am willing to do whatever it takes to start a full recovery of our marriage and family.

Until then, I will not be able to communicate with you on anything other than the health and safety of our children .I will avoid seeing you or speaking to you . I will avoid all communications in any form?You can contact me through Family friend . I won't be able to accept any calls, texts, emails, or letters from you, but Friend will forward anything important to me." I will leave visitation arrangements communications to a mere minimum using the children to communicate whenever possible .

I want US, not me alone and not you alone, but us to rebuild our marriage. We need to build a new lifestyle including everything that can be done to make us All happy. I know it is possible for our marriage to flourish, and have no more separations in body or spirit. I want to be your best friend and a husband and father that any woman would be proud to have as a spouse.

WW,I want to grow old with you.When I said ?I DO,? I made a promise in front of God, you, our families and friends for life. I want to be your husband, your friend, and your lover.I loved you more that life itself while we were together and I continue to do so as I write this. I want us together to watch our children grow and flourish.

The path home is a simple one .When you are ready to choose to recover the marriage and family as one just leave OM, never contact him again, and call me to let me know your affair is over. , I will be willing to discuss our future together as a whole and healthy family unit without judgement or anger .

Your loving spouse, and best friend Me

You letter made my cry. It was beautifully written. I hope with all my heart that your WW will see what a kind and forgiving person you are. Is she ready to give that up? It has become all to easy these days to break a vow, to walk away, to not try. Why? Why is it so easy to ignore the promise, the contract, the vows that have been made?
I pray that your WW thinks long and hard on the decision she has made.
My thoughts are with you...

Should there be something in there that I am "moving on " with my life ?

Only if you phrase it like "if at the end you decide you cannot return, I will move on." But maybe you shouldn't show that option. Experts? What do you say?

I dont know how I can make the Plan B work while she is struggling to get our kids to visit or even converse with her .They are living with me in my house so for me to have no contact with her is going to be tough .To have no contact about things that dont involve the kids fine but no contact .That is going to be hard if not impossible.If I dont think I can make it work!Should I give her the letter anyway ? The effect will not be as strong but maybe the point will still get across to her?

Plan B is for when you just can't stand dealing with her any more, when you feel like if you deal with her one more time you're gonna start hating her. Are you there yet?

I'm still destroyed by what she has done to all of us.So I guess I'm not there yet.The letter is written and will wait until I feel it is the right time.It may not be too much longer but who knows.

I think the letter sounds good. I would not include anything about moving on, you are trying to tell her that you cannot stay in contact with her flaunting her wayward activity and are still trying to save your feelings for her to save your M when she "gets it". Yes, it will be hard to manage NC with her with the kids, but you must. Use your friend, your school, your church, the grocery store. When the kids tell you when they are supposed to meet her, take them early and a neutral place, or have them call you when they leave the house so you can come home. You want her to go through the reality of missing you, always there, taking care of it.

Plan B is to protect you, don't sabotage yourself.

Fled

That's the problem .At this time they dont watn to go with her at all .Therefore she keeps coming to my place for a very "cold" visitation .I guess I have to go out every time she comes?????
I feel like I am hiding in the closet but I guess that is better than the feeling of my heart ripping from my chest.I am so confused .It felt so good last week as my WW and the Om went away for the week. No drama for 6 days YAHYAHYAH .Now I am back into it.