Luna:
You are not alone. I feel the same way at times.

Then I stop and say "What did I do?" Shoot me because I've always been a great wife and mother and friend and sister and daughter. Shoot me for keeping my values and morals and for keeping the same boring priorities of God and marriage and family. Shoot me for never cheating and for keeping my vows. Shoot me for keeping up the house, preparing all the meals, driving the kids, and taking kids to every doctor/dentist/orthodontist/optomotrist/dermatologist/speech therapist appointment. Shoot me for taking the kids to church, buying all the relatives Christmas/birthday/baptism/wedding/etc. gifts. Shoot me for taking the dog to the vet, keeping up the yard, taking the kids shopping for clothes, filling out school forms, signing report cards, and ironing the WH's pants each week. Shoot me for updating the Christmas card list each year, for taking the kids to get their hair cut, for hosting slumber parties, and for making cookies for the football team. Shoot me for buying my clothes either at Target or on sale, for clipping coupons, for making lunches every school night since kindergarten, and for saying "OK" everytime WH wanted to go out of town with friends for a golf weekend. Shoot me for going on only one vacation each year, for keeping the garage cleaned out, for planting flowers each spring and fall, for dropping off the recycling, and for driving the waterpolo team out of town.

I'm sick of you and I for being the fall guys for our WH's stupidity. Just like you, I've been blamed for "posioning" the kids, for not doing what I could to fix the R between WH and our 3 teenagers, for just being ME.

Our WH's are idiots to not appreciate how we busted our butts to cater to them and our kids -- and now-- now they bring in OW and her kids and want to put them first? HOW DARE THEY.

We EARNED the right to reap what we sowed from our marriage and family. And now our WH want to shortchange us?

Keep up the fight, LM. I'm right behind you with the D. No mediation yet, but WH is coming up with a "proposal" with our cricked accountant (who introduced WH to OW).

I refuse to cave to make it easy for WH to support POSOW and her 3 kids when it's at the expense of me and our 3 kids.

OK-- thanks for letting me vent. Don't get down, Luna. Stand tall and proud. We did NOTHING WRONG.

Luna,

I don't get much time to post, but I try to read while feeding chaibaby.

I know how you feel, Luna. We all feel like that, so you aren't alone. I keep thinking of how WH helped OP's son through rehab while his own DD was crying for help and he ignored her. It hurts, it sucks, and it plain stinks.

You are doing well. It's OK to take a few steps back. Just don't stay there.

...I knew I could count on some of you to straighten me out on THAT issue

Thanks HH and CL for taking the time to post. Just the fact that you are part of this Board is enough to say that you both have your hands full (and CL literally! ) and so I really appreciate it.


Well....this may be a case of two steps back and three forward. I must be doing SOMETHING right because I am at a good place.... at this moment.... which is all I am aiming for these days!

...the HERE and NOW.... because the past is PAST and the foundation for the future.... is just a bunch of 'here and nows'....

...as I become more 'conscious' of what I do....I seem to manage to scare myself off by THINKING/FOCUSING on worse scenarios possible.... which, when you think about it, involves a lot of wasted energy.... because out of all the possible scenarios... (reality having fun with us?)... often NONE come true!

....and yes, habits are HARD to break...but not impossible! ....just a lot of patience, perseverance, compassion, appreciation...and one that I am rediscovering.... HUMOUR

On the weekend I enjoyed going out with some friends to see film: CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN..... a bit long, but overall, it does provide some food for thought about life... telling us that a big part of it involves experiencing peaks and valleys of emotions of all sorts...best to just EXPECT it rather than FIGHT IT!

Hi Luna,

I think we just learn to wade through the peaks and the valleys and stay in the moment. Our minds and conjure up some of the most amazing things, but in the end, it usually does play out the way we think. Go figure.

I am always in awe about your ability to acknowledge and explain your feelings or what you are working through. I think it helps me to understand something of my own life as well as putting words to it.

Thank you for being so open to the journey and sharing it with us.

Hi Queenie,

Thanks for dropping by and your support and encouragement.


Right, Queenie...learning to stay in the moment...being 'present'.... and identifying what emotions are 'perking' inside of us... what they are 'telling' us about our needs...and then going about life, in a HEALTHY WAY, fulfilling them!

...easier said then done, right? Yea, so?

Let's not focus on that part! ....rather, let's focus on the fact that it's.... DOABLE :RollieEyes: ...start by taking little steps, staying still, taking big steps, steps backwards, etc etc... as long as we see it as a process with the intention to move forward, without judging us, putting pressure by perceiving it as a competition, with deadlines....

...easier said then done, right? Yea, so?

Oh, sorry....I am starting to repeat myself!

Getting antsy.

Second round to the hospital today. Pre-op. testing. In two weeks, intervention at the hospital, supposedly for 'nothing to worry about'... but you know how it is...until it's done...you never know...

So, talking to myself a bit:

- nothing I can do about it, so worrying about is just a waste of energy, especially when it's two weeks away!
- on the bright side...I am expected to take at least one week to recuperate, so I will be off work.

What else?

I am getting old...to expect and accept that it's how life is... best to focus energy on things I can do, or where I can make a difference to enhance my and other's...existence?

'anxious feelings'....bit unpleasant but I am learning to live with them...and at the very least, not deny them!

Trying to be good to myself - had a terrific massage yesterday - treated myself to great lunch today - meeting a friend on thursday for lunch.

...and, of course, the ever dependable..... BREATHING DEEPLY!

Great job, Luna. It sounds like you're approaching it as well as you possibly can.

Praying for good results and peace until they come.

Luna

Thanks for the support, SD.

Along with good intention, it takes a good dose of patience to change one's 'perceptions and behaviours' to HEALTY ones. :crosseyedcrazy:

Always thinking of you and trying to at least read up on your thread. Posting time for me has been cut really short until after the audit and after chaibaby goes with DD. Then I have 90 more days to wait for the trial. UGH.

Luna you are what I consider the epitome of class on this journey. Taking care of yourself is a G-d given right that NO ONE has any right to lessen or take away from you.

You are so loving and caring and always willing to look at yourself and see what's happening inside before you act. I continue to learn form you in SO MANY ways and love being a part of your life and watching you on this hard journey.

LUNA

Hi CL and Queenie,

I really appreciate your support. It means a lot to me that you are taking the time to drop by on my thread, knowing that you both have a lot on your 'own' plates.

...and, yes, it is comforting to know that even during the 'rough' patches in this journey called life...we are not as alone as we might think sometimes...and that is the 'priceless' gift we offer each here.

Thank you.

CL & Queenie

Luna = lovely

whooooshhhhh!

who was dat!

a bird... a plane... no it was SUPER PEP!

Hi Pep! Thanks for the drive-by....

Well...tonight I am tired.

It was a regular day...maybe even better than that...the sun was shining and Spring was in the air, but I didn't feel in tune with the sun nor the air!

I can objectively appreciate everything I have...a roof over my head, food in the fridge, a couple of great boys, great friends... and yet today I felt empty inside!

I did cross a few things off the to-do list, and usually I find that satisfying, but not today!

'things' were just not 'in sync'....

I'd like to think this happens to the best of us... I'd like to think this happens to some of you here.

So... the short answer? Going to bed and rest!

Tomorrow is another day, I will 'sleep on' how to make it a better day than today!

There is no getting around it...that's the way it is...sometimes!

Good night

MB Board

Remember, the down days will come and go. That would happen under the most normal of circumstances anyway. Just go with it. It too shall pass.

my friend....

Hi CL,


Thanks for dropping by.

That's exactly it, CL. It's all 'normal'. It's life.

No longer 'freaking' over it. :RollieEyes:

Moments...that come and go...under ANY circumstances! :crosseyedcrazy:

Emotions...come and go...LIFE.

Luna - approximately when is the divorce going to be final?

Hi Luna,

This caught my eye because I remember a good friend of mine who lost her child many years ago explained it as it just becomes a "new norm".

We are forever changed, forever better people as a result and live a new norm.

LUNA

Hi Pep,


....once an understanding on division of assets is reached via mediation session (as supposedly the costlier way of doing it by asking the Judge to do it for us!), mediator will report to attorneys, who will in turn present request to divorce, with settlement, at Court.

Mediation sessions were delayed last Fall at my request due to my dad's illness and passing away (spent most of the Fall going back and forth to visit my parents - a day's bus trip one way!)

Then, during my regular visit, my doc 'spotted' some irregularities... sent me to have a specialist 'check it out' this past February, who quickly scheduled an operation.... for supposedly nothing uncommon for my AGE (we shall see about that!)....so, Monday I am getting operated on.... and so, again, I asked for a delay in mediation...

Inspite of all the delays, we did have a mediation session in February, and things are moving along... hopefullly by the summer, things will be settled enough for Plan D to be finalized.

WS is 'dragging' his feet on a couple of things (ie offered to look into impact of some of the contemplated transactions but hasn't gotten back to me yet about it - too busy? too boring? I don't know.... I got enough on my plate! )

...so, I am letting things 'unfold' as they come...

Since D-day, I have come along way in 'setting up' a support system that does NOT include WS....and Plan D is more and more becoming a 'technicality'.... in so doing, reducing it's impact when it does happen.

Thanks for the interest, Pep.

Hi Queenie,


I would agree, Queenie. The 'new norm' takes some time getting used to, but we're getting there... together... supporting each other.

...and yes, hopefully, we can turn this all around and make this a 'learning experience'....'better people' I take to mean, for me....learning healthier ways of coping with life in general, become more compassionate, towards ourselves and others (and yes, even towards WSs!)

I for one have always felt a certain degree of compassion towards WSs in general, and for my WS. ...and I still maintain that I would much rather be a BS than a WS.. at least I can still look at myself in the mirror!