I expect she has a shared responsibility in this, I get that. I blame her and you, not just you. However, it is you that is asking the questions.

Have her drop a line and she’ll receive the same treatment. Like I said in my very first response to you,


There seems like no prefect answer for your current dilemma. Yet sometimes when least expected rise the greatest prizes. Perhaps this is just the kind of push that your marriage needs.


That is an interesting proposal. I don’t care where you have been or who you might have listened to; Dr. Harley is a captivating speaker that will leave your wife and you cheering. While I’ve never attended a MB weekend, I’ve listened to Dr. Harley on many an occasion and if you’re looking to motivate your marriage then you need look no further.

Mr. G

Mr. G,
My W and I have discuss this for the last two days. Like the options you laid out, none are particularly good - I haven't pressed her not to go, I won't badger her w/ calls or go too - all are LBs. I do believe she'd set up this professional trip w/out knowing this OM was also a member.

I'd like she and I to go to a MB weekend and will look for an opportunity to attend one, the one in Minn in March won't work out unfortunately. I think I'm also going to get us back into a pro-M MC, like I said the guy we liked retired.

I appreciate the comments and advice!

V/r,
NW

For me, this would not matter.

It is irrelevent if she set it up without knowing, now she knows. So she is willing to go do something that she knows will hurt you, make you anxious, potentially threaten your M, because she made plans. Well, plans change.

I know you are trying to do the "correct" thing here, but in the end, I think you are over complicating the matter. She is about to go on trip with a high liklihood of running into her former lover. That should not happen. All the rest is just window dressing. And you should not be waiting for that to dawn on her.

I mean this in the best way noway .... to both you and your wife ..... I am NOT having a go ,, I want you to think about this and talk it over with YOUR wife .... YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO RESPOND .. of course you never have had too

BUT PLEASE DISCUSS AND THINK ON THIS OBSERVATION



So does this mean your

jobs
hobbies
interests
cd player
dvd
tv
etc

come BEFORE your marriage? Don't know I am asking not being sarky.

I mean you both seem to be recognising HUGE red flags for your M here ... right now ... TODAY .... you have an OM ... even if an X OM on the horizon .......... and something MORE important comes up???????????

Could it be THIS is why your M is NOT both at the top of your lists of important things??????????
Are BOTH your priorities set right??????????

Now if its $... you can't afford it yet ok I think we have all been there..... your parents or kids or family etc were in hospital at this time or something like that then yeah ok I can understand that reasoning .. but otherwise .... No way .. how serious are you both then?????

No way it just seems with the info you have supplied in your posts that to me your M is NOT the main consideration in your decision making ..... and have you even discussed this with your wife ..... how does she feel with the next MB weekend date not working ???? .. if so why not????????

it appears to be you've joined the band on the titanic and are playing while it sinks ... and the empty life boat is just a bit over there and your wife is looking around to find you right next to the release cord of the boat.... and she doesn't know it.

but play on ... its your choice after all.

meant with care and no discourtesy

AW

AW,
I think you hit on something here. I guess after working hard at a good plan A and myself for the last four years (not that it's done), I'm fatigued and not seeing a rewarding and satisfying M. My guess, and in conversations, is she doesn't either. We have a generally good, stable life & great kids; neither of us want to upset their balance, so I feel like we muddle through.

Sure, one could say make a decision, but my kids' stability is more important than upsetting the apple cart just b/c our ENs are not met. We are both good parents and there is no obvious tension or hostility in the house. I'm honestly not sure what will happen in 6 years or so when they move away to college. I love her, want to be closer, and have a safisfying M, but after working at it, spilling out my emotions and meeting her dom supt ENs, I don't feel much in return (now that sounds selfish, but I'm pretty easy to please really). Based on past experience, I'm not sure the effort will produce a change. I don't believe she's very covertly maintaining contact w/ OM but she'd been a darn good liar in the past.

I didn't ask her to go to a MB weekend and she's dismissive of this site, thinks it reminds me too much of the past. She did say she'd do MC again, which I think would be good. She's not as harsh as this may sound but can be cold and snarky.

I'm sorry to be negative about this and am having a hard time figuring out what I want to write in tomorrow's Valentine's Day card - the low threat ILY or lay some of this out on the table.

V/r,
No Way