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Today's not a good day. Sometimes I do things that I think will benefit me. And that I will gain answers and sometimes closure. I can say to myself this is okay as Im only trying to get the truth. But to get it I do go about it the wrong way or I get all secretive ect. As innocent as I think it is it's not and I mess up. I can have a thought in my head and I'll just run with it. And I'll do things that other people, well 99.9% of people will deem wrong. But I don't see it at the time. Why don't I see it. What is missing in my head that allows me to do things that hurt people. Its not just every now and then. Its happening more and more. It's only when it all turns upside down and I hurt someone close to me that I then realise oh yeah that don't look good. And then I'll try and fix that problem and I inevitably hurt someone else or even the same person again. Am I really selfish. Is this a sign in selfish behaviour. Or am I just plain old stupid. Why am I self destructing. Why. WHAT DID YOU DO?? I don't understand what you mean.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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:twobyfour: Are you done whining now?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I have hurt my wife again. I don’t even know where to start as Im not even sure what I have done. I do know all I have tried to do is seek answers. For 5 weeks now I have beat myself up. Any progress I had made with myself I lost. SEE SELFISH ME AGAIN. I really am self-centred. Or as you put it to me the other day. I have a lot of self pity. Im not sure what I have done to upset my wife. But she’s really mad at me. I hate this feeling. I hate knowing I have hurt her.
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What happened? What did you do and what was said? You are talking to a TEXAN, not Madame Cleo! Please be plain and specific, Tony.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Im not whining. Im beating myself up. 
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I got a text message from my wife last night saying ‘she has had contact’ from the girl’s husband. I think he contacted her, im not sure. And that she was disgusted in me. The girl Im referring to is the one I was talking to in a bar. My last brain explosion. I don’t know why he contacted her. My wife is yet to talk to me.
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ok, what can you do to comfort her? how do you think your wife feels after hearing from the husband of the woman with whom you cheated?
Your W was horribly betrayed and she is hurting. Could she have learned that you lied to her about the affair? Were you lying to her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Same thing because either way it's a pity party and you aren't doing what you should be doing.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I didn’t lie to her. Im not sure as to why 4-5 weeks later this guy would poop his head in and say whatever it is he has said. Im guessing that maybe he has only now learnt what his wife did. Im not sure. All I know is my wife hates me even more. All I have tried to do is learn from my mistake and now Im further in the poo. I can’t contact this guy or his wife. So I have absolutely no idea what to do. 
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Neither my wife or I really know how to fix things as bad as this. Im scared that the distance between us will become permanent and we'll never recover. When should you take something like this and start working for a solution. Straight away. When the pain or anger lifts a little. When is the time right? I believe even if she feels the marriage is dead we still should seek help together. Is that wrong of me?
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. All I know is my wife hates me even more. Actually, she is on the floor bleeding from what you did to her. And you are on here worried about your own skin. What about your bleeding victim on the floor? What will you do to help HER?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Im guessing that maybe he has only now learnt what his wife did. Maybe he is just learning what YOU DID TO HIM? He is another one of your victims. You fooled around with this man's wife.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You said the night in the bar Im not 100% clear on what I did...I honestly can’t remember the night all that well and I haven’t denied any of this to my wife. Well if you don't know what you did and didn't do, what is your BW supposed to believe? Sorry man, but she's not going to believe a liar and right now that's what you are in her eyes. Whatever OWH told her may be new or it may not be. Either way it's still a kick in the gut to even have to listen to a complete stranger tell you what a POS your spouse is especially if there are gory details.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Im not 100% clear on what I did...I honestly can’t remember the night all that well and I haven’t denied any of this to my wife. Tony, if you don't remember what happened, then how does SHE KNOW?  Do you often drink to a blackout? ARe you an alcoholic?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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But how can I help her if she won't let me. Everyone says space and time. But how do you give someone you love space and time when your feeling there pain and all you want to do is help? I know you understand what Im trying to say. She's laying on the floor bleeding and Im trying to stop the blood. But with each move Im making she bleeds so more. The bleeding has to stop and soon otherwise she's gone. AND I will be selfish and say that she is all I want. AND I want to help her.
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Id like to see him and apologise to him direct.
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How do you think you could help her? I see alot of worrying about yourself here.
And how does your w know about that night if you don't remember it?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yeah I know and I understand what it is your saying. Its another kick when she's still down.
Im an idiot.
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I can drink a lot. And yes not long ago I feared I was an alcoholic. I am not sure what the definition of an alcoholic is to be honest. I try not to drink every day. But when I do, I drink a lot and usually fast. Im not a violent drunk or anything. But yes, I do drink way too much.
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Good grief tony. You just ripped your BW's guts out for the 3rd time a few weeks ago, can't remember anything, and are worried about what OWH may have said. For awhile there may be NOTHING you can do to make the bleeding stop. The wounds are deep and YOU caused them. For awhile you may only be able to let her know you are there for her and leave it at that. My FWH acted like you when he was getting desperate and it just pissed me off. If you can't be the person to comfort her, call a friend or family member that could be of help to her.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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