Did you give her a Plan B letter?

Did you lay out a path for her to follow if she wishes to return?

It's wrong of her to say anything to your kid.

I know things suck. Keep your chin up.

Plan B isn't necessarily a plan to force the WW to return. It's for you. You are shielded from the abuse of the WW. It gives you space and perspective.

You'll go through a withdrawl of your own in this process, but once you get through that, you'll start to welcome the peace that comes from Plan B.

Do not expect her to return. She will blame you for all her anger and hardship.

Finally, please stick to one thread. You're jumping thread to thread and it makes it tough to follow you.

To which you answer "Mom decided to have a boyfriend as well as a husband. We all know that a family can't survice that way. As soon as she is ready to give up having a boyfriend, we can have a family again."

Nothing else. Keep repeating the same thing; if nothing else, your kids will learn what a real family is.

The length of time depends on how much the absence hurts the WS, how much PB screws up her affair, how much trouble she gets herself in over it...sorry, but it's different with everyone. I wouldn't expect anything for at least a couple weeks, if not months. Generally, they say the longer the affair's been going on, the longer it takes PB to work, cos they have so much invested in the affair.

Sorry about multiple threads - I will try and keep it on this thread from now on!

A went on for 2 months, and actually accelerated into sex while I was initially suspecting, and brought it up, but had no confirmation at that time.

I did give her a PBL yesterday. Yes, she is in deep hatred of me right now.

Should I limit or stop calls to/fro kids? S12 refuses to talk to her, but D10 wants to call all the time.

PB is not about the kids. It's about limiting your W's access to YOU. vice versa

However, does your Plan B set up people who will forward ALL info between you both? If not, it is not a Plan B.

Yes, it does! Her sister or mine, but today she by-passed that and showed up at the house.

My main concern is whether to limit in-coming/outgoing calls between here and D10. S12 has "disowned" her and refuses to accept her calls or make calls to her.

Plan B is between you and WW.

Not the kids.

Let WW and kids have phone and email access. You do not force the kids to get on the phone. You do not discourage the kids from getting on the phone. Same with emails.

If WW moved out then change the locks so she just can't waltz in when ever she feels like it.

Allowed D10.5 to go out with WW for 2 hours today. S12 refused to go or see her.

D10.5 reported back to me that WW "hates" me for what I am doing. Also promised D10.5 that NC still intact.

She shouldn't be talking to your child at all about any of this. It's wrong.

Document this because it's important for custody down the road.

But...my kids already know wa...aay more than they really should! Does it really matter if we are so open and honest with them at this stage?

Yes, it matters. They are children, not friends. They expect you to parent them, not for them to parent you.

Any issues which are statements against the other parent are unnacceptable.

Feeling really low today. Judging by what WW tells D10 kicking into Plan B has driven her even further away from me. Says she hates me more than ever! Right now I'm not sure if getting into Plan B was the right thing to do.

I've set up a call with Jennifer for tonight. Let's see what she says.

Can't even focus on my damned job right now. Last thing I need is to be jobless in this economy.

What a life...

Zip into your doc and get some anti-D's. They will help you focus on work immensely.

Tell your children that you will be fighting for your family and will continue to expose the adultery. That is a father's job - to protect his family from destruction.

Just got servced D papers!! Process server was at my door a few minutes ago...

Where to now??

Heart, my friend,

""Any typical expectations of when to expect Plan B to have a significant impact on WW? There's this piece of me just dying for a quick fix, and everything to be okay.""

""Judging by what WW tells D10 kicking into Plan B has driven her even further away from me. Says she hates me more than ever! Right now I'm not sure if getting into Plan B was the right thing to do.""

You should not think of Plan B as anything else but thick concrete wall for you to keep the drama and toxicity of WW away from you and your children. Your home will be a safe haven, a warm and loving retreat where you and the kids can embrace and talk it out.

Your WW should NOT be badmouthing you to your daughter. BUT REMEMBER THAT THIS WOMAN IS NOT THE WIFE YOU USED TO KNOW, nor is she the MOTHER the kids used to know. She is an addicted alien in your W's body.

You should tell your daughter not to relay anything her mom says about ANYTHING. Tell her that mommy's actions are causing daddy great sadness, so you have to be AWAY from mommy, so you don't feel more bad things about her than you do already. (or something like that...it's been a looonnnggg time since I needed to speak seriously to a 10 year old)

But, again, the Plan B is all about how it affects YOU NOT how your W is acting or reacting to it. Unfortunately, because of her access TO YOUR HOUSE the basic idea of the plan is compromised.

She can play and use your daughter to twist you up in knots, and she knows it. She is spewing vile hate into your daughter's ears. You can only combat this with love and tenderness toward your daughter (and her mother! to your daughter anyway.)

Soon, your daughter will not want to be with this toxic person anymore. Who would?

Stay strong and resolute in your plan B.

kirk

Heart,

""Just got servced D papers""

Man, that was quick!!

My first thought is "this can't be from the Plan B, you just started that Friday..then the weekend and the holiday" so this must have been coming before that."

Maybe you are in the best place (plan B) you can be right now. If only you could keep her from the kids.

Of course you do not have to sign anything.

I do not believe for an instant there is NC. I think there is CC = Constant Contact. And the big D is the result of that.

My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.

kirk

Retaliation is to be expected. In truth, that was pretty stupid of her. Now that she has filed. You need to go for child support. and full custody. When she bitches. All you tell her. Is you didn't cheat, you didn't move out, you didn't file for divorce. But you will go for child support. Remember hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is.

Heart,

Hope you are OK.

Time to harden you heart to ease the pain maybe?

Take care of yourself.

kirk

HIP, how did it go with Jennifer? I hope that gave you a boost of confidence. You are doing the right thing.

Jennifer said "It's not over yet. Deep in fog. Continue in Plan B while stalling through D process."

Yep, that sounds about right. I bet she wasn't surprised WW filed for divorce.

Like Kirk said, there is no quick fix, and Plan B is the best thing you can do for your marriage and yourself.

So. . . how's it going today?