War has been declared on you. Time to stop the woe is me and take very, very aggressive action on the legal front. Get your legal ducks in order or you will be royally hosed in a mom biased court system. The system rewards fathers who are prepared, not those that continue to act like, "this can't be happening!"

Playing Mr. Nice in the D process will cause you to lose big time when it comes to your kids.

Trust me, you'll get over your cheating adulterous wife someday and even see she wasn't right for you.

Your kids, however, are a different story and not something you get past.

The wife you'll get over.

So get a lawyer immediately, counter file for sole physical and legal custody, abandonment, and child support.

And document, document, document.

The baron is right. You need to go scorched earth when it comes to going after her for custody, child support, Visitation. You make this a painful as you can, without being vindictive. She needs to know that divorce will cost her more then she thought.

Make sure you read what was posted here that is listed above. Your wife has declared war on you and will destroy you if you are not prepared.

I know from my own experience that you must make life very hard on her or she will kick you right in the nads every chance she can. If you lose her so what. Don't lose your kids and assets to a woman that sleeps with other men.

Don't try to be her friend. Show her that if she wants a fight she will get a fight. In other words speak softly but carry a big stick.

I told my wife the gloves are off and I will do anything to win. There was not one thing that I would not have done to get what I wanted.

And as far as delaying the D let her know you want to stay married if that is what you choose but also let her know that if she insists on sleeping with the other guy and trying to destroy your life that she will get the fight of her life.

One thing that I will promise you is that if you do not stand up and fight she will try and take your kids your assets and then move on to another guy and act like you never existed. Again, make sure you get a good lawyer who will fight for you.

Ihadenough is right. You need to take the gloves off. You file for divorce and for child support. You can love her but you better realize that the love you have for her is a weapon to her. She needs to live the consequences.

I can promise you that this is very much the case.

Time to wake up, my friend. She will mop the floor with you if you don't and the reason that most men lose custody in court is because they are caught off guard by a woman who has been planning her exit for a while. She's been researching, brain storming, and has consulted a lawyer already to get her ducks in order.

Your kids are the your number one reason to fight. Her ideal scenario is one where you see them a minimum amount of time, gets a big fat check from you, and uses it to live a happy life with OM who she is now trying to make the new dad to your kids.

The counter to this is for you to show you're the better parent, will not allow yourself to be pushed out of their lives, and will fight he tooth and nail to get custody.

Odds are that if you do this you'll walk away with a 50/50 custody arrangement, minimal CS, and a chunk of your assets.

But this is your wakeup call and call to arms. The time of, "this can't be happening" is over.

The ironic thing is that the best chance to get her back is to fight this fight smartly.

You file for divorce and go for everything but continue to let her know you want none of this. Then, when it all falls apart on her and the divorced life doesn't turn out to be the picnic she envisioned she'll likely (though not always) will have the fog lift.

Heart my friend,

How goes the stalling??

It's been awhile.

Confirmed that the affair is on - full swing at the Love Pad she has set up!

I'm working with a lawyer to see how to best take custody of my kids at this time.

Very, very painful, but hopefully I will survive!! Thanks for all your help folks!

Your oldest will have a say in custody.

The courts will likely keep siblings together.

Get as much evidence as you can and use it if you can prove adultery.

Any info on OM? Does he have a wife? GF? Expose to his family.

Get a PI to do a background check on him. It's not as expensive as you think and they can get you a ton of info.

There is life after divorce. You will heal and move on.

Best of luck, friend. Your WW will regret this very much eventually.

I truly know very little about OM. All leads have led to dead ends. So much lies have been said about who OM really is.

Can't you hire a PI to follow him and/or investigate him? If you're trying to save your marriage, or keep your kids even, it's worth the money.

At the very least, ask some friends to watch her place and follow him to get an address.

HIP

Your task is to find out who is this OM and what is his background. Your dtr is vulnerable. What you know now is that he is not a honourable person so you need to find out a bit of his history. The facts from this investigation may be useful for custody issues. Use every weapon in your arsanal and no matter what the outcome - prove you are the better man, husband and father.

Latest is that she plans to move back into the house this weekend. I guess her lawyer must have directed her to do that...

Open issue for me is: now what? Do I revert to a Plan A type scenario? Or, how can I continue with Plan B stuff with her living under the same roof (and continuing to go out and get her needs satisfied, as desired, by OM)?

Man oh man, moving back in kind of defeats the whole concept of the PLAN B LETTER!!

Maybe you should stick to the letter and tell her YOU WILL LET HER BACK IN WHEN SHE ABIDES BY THE TERMS OF THE LETTER!!

DARN IT ALL TO HECK, ANYWAY!

This can be one of the few times that we as the "wimpy BSs" can enforce our boundaries and TAKE A FRICKEN STAND!!

SORRY ADULTEROUS BUT NNNOOOOOOO WWWAAAAYYYYY ARE YOU GETTING BACK IN HERE WHILE CONTINUEING THE RUTTING IN THE MUD WITH THAT POS!!

Plus if her attorney is advising her to do this then wouldn't it be prudent not to allow it?

She has a place to live!!

I SAY STICK TO THE LETTER OF THE PLAN B LETTER!!

IMHO

Heart,

This is a good question for Jennifer.

kirk

I'm in ultra-right California! House is deemed 50-50... I can't refuse her entry - adulteress or not!

BTW, learned a new term today: SLUMMING. I happened to mention to a acquaintance that my wife was having an affair with an employee at the gym, and he retorted back "Oh! She's slumming!"

Heart, oh yeah adulteress :RollieEyes: I knew that looked funny when I typed it in, thanks.

Just curious, did she ASK if she could move back in or did she TELL YOU she was moving back in.

So the other plan Bs just fall apart if the adulterer/ess decides to move back into the house, it doesn't matter one way or another as far as the plan B goes??

Can you tell her no way hoesay?

I think you want her to move back in....fence sitting/cake eating while living in your house is better, than what...than her not being there????

You really must follow the MB principles or it will be a full blown decent down the slippery slope into HECK!!

I wish some other folks would discuss this? I can't believe this has not come up before.

kirk

Dude,

""having an affair with an employee at the gym""

Now that sounds like something you could start exposing on!! To the gym ownership, for one thing.

There is always a liability threat to the owners of a health club from aggressive personal trainers entrancing the clientele.

Just a thought.

kirk

You can't do a Plan B if you're living together. My first thought is that I'd try to bluff her into not moving back. Not quite bully...

Failing that, I'd start right in with some super strong rules. If you come back, you will NOT use anything other than the land phone, etc.

She left. Your house now, your rules.

Can't stop her from moving out! Court orders say house has to be accessible, kids have to be accessible...

Very confused! I think I'm going to move out for a few days...just to pick myself up a bit...

[quote=HeartInPain

Very confused! I think I'm going to move out for a few days...just to pick myself up a bit... [/quote]

DO NOT do this. You give away your right to access to the kids.