I sent him a text saying that I miss my friend and lover, and he responded by calling me tonight and asking me what I was doing?
He said that he wanted to talk without all the anger, and onesided conversation. I told him that I have reflected on some situatios in our marriage and that I now realize that I could have listen more, and been more available. He said that he has some work to do on himself and that he will continue to stay in touch more, Huge breakthrough!!!!

anymore advice?

Listening without interruption is always a wonderful facility in any relationship. Carry on!

When you talk to him, no matter how angry you feel, DO NOT lose your temper. If you have to, tell him honestly that you're getting too upset and you want to be able to carry on the conversation without losing control, and that you need to take a walk around the block or something, but that you'll be back and you can pick up where you left off.

When he says something that upsets you or makes you angry, take a moment to pause and consider how hard that must have been for him, to say something that he knew would upset you, with him being afraid of AOs. See if, instead of having an AO, you can tell him that it's upsetting but that you thank him for his honesty.

Become a safe place for him to be honest. Don't punish him with AOs.

I have not heard from my husband since Wednesday night, I am sad right now. This game is to hard for me. I need some assurance from him, it has been several months since we have made love, and I miss his touch. I am not sure what to do now. I beleive that he is trying to figure things out with himself, however, I am not equip to deal with this waiting, it hurts to bad. I want him to want me, and I feel like he is keeping me at bay. How do I make it safe in invite him emotionally.

What have you been doing to meet his ENs?
How good has your Plan A been?
Is he still in the affair?

I am trying to meet his ENs. I call him or text him with nice things to say and he is responding more nicely lately. today when he answered his phone, he was gentle in his voice. I told him that I had copied some pictures of his grandbaby and that I was going to take them over to his mothers, he said that his daughter would probably like that. I said that I would talk with him later. He said ok.

I am trying to work plan A. I stay in contact every few days and he takes my calls. I would like for him to begin initiating more contact. I want to give him some time to get all the junk out of the way for his return.

I don't think that he is in the affair. I know he is not having sex with me.

Do you have any suggestions from a male perspective?

could he be irritated with himself for the affair and don't know how to approach returning?

Is conversation his top EN?
I suspect your efforts to fill is LB$ may be missing the mark.
What are his top ENs?
How are you meeting them?

Nope. Sorry to disappoint. I'm female.

oops! Conversation may not be, but how else can I have contact with him when he keeps his distance?

It is tiring trying to figure him out after almost 7 years together. Why is it so complicated. Is he testing me to see if I will be there for him.

Is he testing you to see if you will be there for him?
I don't think so.
I think he's still in the affair.
I think he's cake eating.

Read through the information on ENs and think about your WH.
Post here when you think you know what his top three ENs are and we'll help you come up with ideas on how to meet them.

Thats the impression I'm getting too.


I agree. Although most of your contact is via phone there are still things you can do to try to meet his top needs, you just have to try your best to figure out what they are. Please let us know once you do...

After reading more of his needs / her needs and thinking of my WH, His 3 most EN's are: admiration, sexual fulfilment, and physical attractiveness. How do I restore those needs, it has been almost 8 months now. We continue to communicate, but I feel like I am doing all the work. As I mentioned that he met me for dinner last Sunday, and called several times that evening. Saying that he was sorry about all that has happened, and that he felt like he was not appreciated, and was taken for granted. I believe that he has to find something to justify his actions of being a WH. I said to him that I will take responsiblilty for my part of the miscommuication, however, I can't be responsibile for his part. He never talks about a woman, he says that he has seen several different people. He does not get specific. I have to add that he has been using substances (maybe marj) and alcohol since our breakup. I don't believe that he wants to save the marriage.

I am not able to sleep, so I hope that I can dialoge with someone about my blog. I have text my husband to see if he wants to have dinner again this Sunday. He has not replied yet. He suggested that I should have invited him to the house for dinner. Is that making a statement. Does he want to be here or just see what my living arrangements since he has been gone. Either way he ask why didn't I ask him to the house for dinner instead of going out to a restraunt. I am trying to connect with him emotionally,

You need to be sweet to this guy for six weeks only. Get him to fix stuff at home that you know he can fix (break it yourself if you have to).

Show him appreciation, a little gift, a little hug. You ladies know what makes a man bite!

Thank you, I text him last night, well, early this morning about 3:00am and invited him over for dinner this evening. he ask me last time we went to dinner, [why didn't you invite me over to the house]

It's still early, have not heard back from him yet, hmm......the vent is broke and hanging down. do need the gate to shut, the TV is not on the right channels, hmm...., the bathroom sink is leaking hmm.... What if he does not respond?

I called his cell phone and has it turned off. Is this a clear message that he no longer wants to engage in conversation or what? I am following the advice of the site, sometimes I feel like I am not going anywhere. Today he is not awswering his phone is off. I want to save the marriage but does he? I have been clear about what I wanted and he just says really nothing. He met me for dinner last week, and returned my calls. Then calls me on Wednesday to ask what I was doing and then say: It will take some time. What does that mean. Here I go again when he does not receive my calls. And then turns his phone off. What suggestions do you have now for me.

I think the affair is still going on. Is there anyway you can check on that?

I just talked with him. he said that he no longer wants anything to do with me. He does not want to be with me and that our marriage was a mistake and that I was not what he wanted and he resents that fact that I was a selfish person and never gave him love. I am so hurt and I wanted so much to have some hope. All he wants is his things out of the house. I can't stop crying.... he was so cold and hard. He told me that I never gave him any love. and that he is looking out for himself now. he does not want to be with me, and I need to wake up and move on. He said that he wants to be as far away from me as possible.

I just got off the phone with my husband, he said that he has shared everthing with me, that he never gave a woman what he gave me, his heart, and engergy. He said that people are not willing to give all of themselves like he gives, I said to him that the same things he wants, trust, compassion, honesty, we all want. We were able to talk as time went on in the conversation with less anger. He talked about his childhood and upbringing, and I was able to reflect on mind. The conversation was something we have not had in several months. I said to him that we started off as friends and that we were able to share information with each other because we trusted each other. He agreed, he also agreed that he was a softy in his heart and that he has to be rough around the edges so people wwill not take advantage of him. He said that he has made some terrible mistakes since he has not been with me, and said that the things he has been doing is not my fault. He said that he wanted to find a reason to come back home, and that he is not able right now, because he said he needs to work on his resentment toward me, I didn't cheat he did, he cheated on me. It sounds like he is still in something, He is not willing to work on the marriage. He said that it may take some time, but right now he is being a selfish person. Not willing to re-connect in the marriage.

If there is more to expose, expose. Can you have him monitored. if he is into drugs. Nail him. Let him feel what it is to be at the bottom of the barrel.

God willing - this will wake him to reality.