My fWWxW was one of the most Christian people I knew. I just don't see how Christian women calibrate the two things. On the one hand, they KNOW how much the bible talks about adultery and what a nasty/destructive act it is, yet they CONTINUE THE A. When she confessed I said shouldn't you have prayed about this or SOMETHING?(She was a more active Christian than me, but I seemed to have had the closer relationship w/ God) I think the war that goes on in their heads must be pure hell. Then, for he exposure to come down like a piano over head and ALL THE WORLD knows what you have done. Pastor, family, not to mention God if they really believe he sees everything. You then have to pick up the pieces and try and get your relationship back w/ God while agonizing over the loss of your H due to D, loss of respect of all the mutual friends, etc. Most churches require anyone who has had an A to quit their post, especially if it involves the supervision/instruction of children. I just don't know how they go on. I can understand a low life who doesn't care what others think of them anyway, but a "Got it Together" Christian woman??!! Is there any Christian WW or fWW out there? If so, HOW DO YOU RECONCILE between adultery and your faith? I'd just like to know how that trick is done, it might impress Houdini....DUDE

They will use God and scripture to justify their actions.

God wants us to be happy and he sent me my true "soulmate"


We were never really married because I wasn't a "christian" yet.

My own XW used the not really married excuse because she accused me of not being christian.

I likened her to Job's accusatory friends.

My FWW didn't do that. She simply turned out to be a lot less "christian" than she made herself out to be. Turned out I M'd a bit of a chameleon.

Christians aren't perfect, and they do fall.

I think that there are a couple of types of Christians. There are those who believe that Christ died to save our sins and who may or may not become active in church; but that's about as far as they go. They never really give their lives over to Christ, and they never really examine themselves to see what they need to strengthen through Christ. I call these people "Head Christians".

The other people are what I call "Heart Christians". They do truely strive to learn what God would have them do and fully commit to Him. They pay attention to their own behaviors and attitudes in order to see what needs to be changed.

That said (and it's only just what I think!), Satan often attacks Christians with a vengeance, placing temptation after temptation in their paths. Both types of Christians may not even realize that they are under spiritual attack.

I think that people that I term "Head Christians" are probably more susceptible to yielding to temptation because they don't recognize their spiritual weaknesses.

"Heart Christians", I think, are probably attacked by Satan with extra zeal. Even though I believe that they do pay attention and try to strengthen their spiritual weaknesses, at some point they may let their barriers down, which allows Satan to break through.

I'm sure that I'm clear as mud in explaining what I believe about this, but I want you to understand that it is not Christianity that is the problem, but the people who are involved in adultery.

Christians sin. ALL Christians sin.

"All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"-Romans 3:23

I agree with Lady Clueless that Satan especially goes after "Heart Christians". He knows that a truly saved Christian won't be going to hell, but he can can completely destroy their effectiveness as a Christian if he convinces them to justify their sin.

The Bible says that Satan roams the world like a hungry lion, seeking whom he may devour. He has devoured your WW.

She is deceived right now. She believes the lies of the father of lies.

At some point, your WW's world will crash down and all her rationalizations will fall away. The truth will be evident, but it may be too late for her children and you. And at that point, her effectiveness as an ambassador for Christ may be permanently compromised.

Consequences, consequences.

Blessings to you. Continue to lean on Jesus.

Bar none, adultery was the WORST thing I have ever done...

I am a Christian...

During the affair I had to work so hard to push God from my mind...I couldn't pray...I KNEW I was in active rebellion to God...I did not try and justify the adultery through God, I knew very well that that wouldn't fly...

I have since been given the very precious gift of repentance...The amount of grace and mercy that I've been show by God and Mr. W awes me...I am very, very blessed...

Tell me Dude, as a Christian, have you been able to reconcile your own adultery (revenge affair) with your beliefs? I hear you boast about that around here quite often and it really saddens me. Have you repented of that yet? I pray that you have...

God Bless,

Mrs. W

It's not just Christian WW's who try to justify their A's by either ignoring God's word or trying to twist it to fit what they are doing.

Adultery is an "equal opportunity" sin. It hurts, no matter which spouse is betrayed.

Dude007,

I, too, wondered how a Christian woman could do the things my wife had done...

So I asked...

She said that to make it work, she had to SEPERATE herself into two completely different people...

One that was the "good" Christian mother, wife, daughter, sister etc...

The other was the woman who wasn't doing anything wrong...

because she was in love...

because sometimes an affair could be good for a marriage because it spices it up...

because of all the other crap she could think of...

When the "two" people merged back into one with the exposure and the end of the affair the guilt and horror of what she had done nearly killed her...

Now she is enraged whenever she hears of someone that justifies their affair or says they aren't doing anything wrong to their faith, family, husband or kids...

When they "get it" they can no longer be both a Christian and a WW or WH...

You have to be able to lie to yourself to call yourself a Christian and a nonrepentant adulterer.

Jim

My XW is very much a nonrepentant adulterer.

She is of the "pre-forgiven" belief system where she can do what she wants and it'll be ok as long as she takes up space in a pew.

She sees no need to seek my forgiveness as the pastor told her that my forgiveness is irrlevant as I ma required to forgive her.

See how this works?

I have news for her. I will hold this trespass to meet her in the depths of hell.

I love this verse, unrepentant adulterers need to heed it...


Hebrews 10:26 For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,

10:27 But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.

Great post I agree.

FOM in my situation was/is a Catholic. He and his family attend church weekly, at least, and has for years.

Do I think this makes him a former "good Christian" who "lost his way during the affair"?

No. This just makes him a scumbag cheater AND a hypocrite. The Catholic church seems especially full of them.

I'm sure he's already confessed his sins and been forgiven. What else should I expect from a religion whose leaders are complicit in the molesation and rape of children across the country?

I hope he dies soon, and that I can attend his funeral just to watch the priest wave that useless incense ball around while a bell rings every so often.



WW and Christianity? Why not? Christians have proven countless times that they are no less likely to break laws and act immorally than any non-religious random person you pluck out of a crowd.

James 1:13-15

...each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death.


This is the answer God gave me when I asked the same question.

It starts as temptation. If entertained, it becomes desire. As desire grows, sin takes that person over. When sin is full grown, that person is spiritually dead.

To me this verse answers why some waywards come out of it and some do not.

Somewhere between sin being "birthed" and it becoming full grown, some waywards defog.

I am a recovered Catholic; faithful attender....now a Christian; faithful in relationship.

Lady C summed it up best. If you're truly in a relationship with Jesus, the adversary tries his best to tear you from that. His only weapon is to lure you into sin. His tricks haven't changed nor have the end results.

Our loving God offers EVERYONE a very wonderful plan called, "forgiveness". All you have to do is ask. I have asked my husband for the same, but that is going to be earned in due time.

I for one never used the bible to justify my affair. But I sure did use it to get myself back on a Christian path again. Satan hates it and continues to throw grenades my way, CONSTANTLY. Especially since I'm still in the fog. My response to that is, "Get behind me, Satan!" I refuse to fall for it again. This scripture helps me to stay on my path. Eph 4:30 "Do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live."

Love the sinner, not the sin.

Dude,

Many people here have a similar story. My xWW was a solid Christian too. We were both raised in the church and had Biblical values and beliefs--not "Jesus-freaks" but definitely knew and held the moral admonitions related to marriage, adultery, and divorce. I'm sure my awareness of this fact helped blind me for a long time to the possibility that something "outside our marriage" was going on (she lied & concealed it and has to this day never truly confessed or faced up to her "role"...still in a state of guilt-ridden denial 2-3 years later). Her value sysytem didn't matter and counter-intuitively was not protective. It was just rationalized away by her with statements/actions like:

"I know God 'hates divorce', but God wants me to be happy..."
"I'm struggling with how God will view this" (possibility of D & her ongoing, unacknowledged A)
"God commands me to LOVE; I can't help how I feel"
"I prayed that God would lead me back to you, but 'it never came back'"
"I believe God changes people and God changes things"
She took her also-married, co-adulterous lover (who was/is totally disinterested & non-spiritual) with her to church on multiple occaisions while we were separated--crying her eyes out the entire service and donating large amounts of money to "buy penance"
etc., etc....

As Dr. Harley says: "waywards will adjust their values to fit their behavior, rather than the other way around". She told people she "was divorced" when she was not when the A became more publically open. She even morally berated OM's sons to "get yourself in chuch" and "get right with God" when they committed some relatively trivial transgression! The younger one, who lives mostly with OM's now xBW (his 3rd!), called her on her obvious hypocrisy in a "the emporer has no clothes!" moment & she cut him off...they no longer speak and the xBW is now suing them both (they M each other as soon as the ink was dry on both divorces) for full custody and past-due support.

Read the chapter on "Romantic Infidelity" in Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy by Dr. Frank Pittman to understand this seemingly incomprehensible phenomenom:

People in Romantic Affairs will self-destructively sell-out and sacrifice all they have, all they value, and they believe in to indulge their 'in-love' euphoric fantasy. Sad, but true...

I forgot about "the devil made me do it" defense.

My XW went as far as to tell me my gunshot wound was "god giving me a wakeup call to live right". Meaning to stop meddling in her adultery.

NO matter what problems, discontents, LBs, or unmet ENs existed in the marriage prior, ADULTERY IS SIN!

"The wages of sin is DEATH"

I agree that the SELL-OUT EVERYTHING, and she did, EXCEPT, I asked her if I could move out and/or was there someone else ONE YEAR before confession. She SOLD everything out, EXCEPT letting my happy a$$ get on w/ my life and find another wife. I know people bash me about the Revenge A, but this is what utltimately brought that to her. SHE KNEW the M was over once the A started and if I ever caught wind of it, but no, she sold EVERYTHING out, but didn't tell me. Thats the part I don't understand, SELLING EVERYTHING OUT, but leting us stay married.(Sell out the M officially, you already done it emotionally) Guess she wanted to keep the GRAND LIE alive. If she allowed me to separate(I should have just left)she could have pulled this guy out a month or two after the separation and NO ONE would have known. I'll never understand that and thats why I hit her w/ every emotional WMD I could come up with at the time. Then on to the BIG D and MASS EXPOSURE for the finale. What do they tell their new Christian BF? How do they explain their D to them? A long term A lasting over a year, good luck w/ that!!

DUDE

Pariah,

that's why this verse spoke to me so clearly.

As Christians we know we are attacked, but that is no excuse for falling away.

This verse says, "by our own evil desire." The WS isn't let off the hook here. They were tempted, yes. But what they CHOSE to do when tempted is what led to death and destruction.

Acknowledging that satan attacked your family does NOT negate that the WS made a CHOICE when attacked. The WS chose to open himself (herself) up to lust and entertained this evil until it gave birth to sin. If that sin is permitted to become full grown, it brings death (of a marriage, of a soul, of a family, etc.)

That their ex was an abusive @sshole and "god" sent new BF to rescue them from that terrible situation.

*pukes violently*

As another poster alluded to, the way "back" is via true repentance and mutual forgiveness (the Bible commands us to engage in a "ministry of reconciliation". I offerred, and indeed begged for, two-way forgiveness and reconciliation dozens and dozens of times. We went to marriage seminars and classes at churches on this very topic numerous times. My WW absolutely REFUSED to sincerely participate, listing every item of "wrong" I had ever committed in our 12 year R but never once taking that proverbial "long, hard look in the mirror" herself. She still hasn't acknowledged it truthfully to me.

I'm reminded of the Biblical command to "remove the log in your own eye first before you complain about the speck in your brother's"...