Catperson:
I have started a remodeling project at home, I am trying to on a limited budget, due to seperation, remodeling our master bath. But hey a bit at a time, i'll get it finished. To date, since seperation I have lost approx 38lbs, been working out, you know those Tae boe videos??? Ummm yeah I look like a dork trying to kick and punch but hey 38lbs.......they do work, and I am not on a "diet" per`sae.
Update:
I am not sure what happened, I am sure God had something to do with it.
Let me back up a bit, I unknowingly, and I say unknowingly, because I closed my eyes to it, but at the time, I knew what I was doing, I found myself on that very slippery slope most of the people here talking about whether that is from a WS or from the BS, are talking about.
I found myself falling into or onto that slope and really picking up speed.
I suddenly said to myself, WHOA!!!! WTH am I doing!!!
And I suddenly felt the other side of it, now, your going to argue with me, was it a EA? possibly, but I seriously did not see it that way. Not until, this person started saying stuff that made me say Holy Moly!!!!
I ran, I ran as fast as I could away. I told her I could not, and would not, and I am totally stupid for even thinking it could be just a friendly thing.
God I feel so stupid.....yeah I was lonely, and well.....crap that sucks.
FF a bit, evidently the silent thing is working, I have to admit, I did not think it would, but having so many people tell me that same thing, and now things are sturring.
She has called me alot, tone of voice was close to the same. But nice.
I finally had enough with this other guy the ExBF. It was eating me alive inside, I just had to face him MYSELF.
I have to admit I was rather scared, maybe not "scared" but affraid what I would do.
So anyway, I went to this guy's house, and as soon as he seen me coming up to the door he knew who I was, before I said anything to him.
We had an hour long conversation, and he totally got the point, and I got alot of information from him, about what was going on, and why he was letting it go on.
I made it very clear he needed to stay away, give me a chance to save this, if it doesn't work out, and when the divorce was final, if at that time he wanted to get together with her, then he had my blessing, but I still would not like it.
He agreed, and appologized for even letting her come in his house. He swore up and down the street they had not had sex, and even invited me in his house, and I declined, like WTH was he going to show me? But anyways, he was scared [censored] and shaking. He even told me, that he did not want anything but a friendship with her, he did not want to be with her.
Yeah I realize he may have been lieing his butt off to protect him and her, but I believe him, the way he was shaking, at one point I thought he was going to pass out, he got really pale.
At the end of the conversation, i explained to him, that for his sake, he btter pray I did not have to come back and have another conversation with him about this subject.
He told me he was telling her that as much as he enjoyed talking to her about the "old" days, that he could no longer see her, that it was not right for her to be there, and be married to me. he even said I could stay and listen to the conversation.
I told him no, I would trust him to do this out of respect, but if this came back to haunt my chances of repairing our marriage, I would come back.
I went back to work. Not much more than 20 minutes later I get a phone call from my wife, and I have to tell you I was worried, I did not know if he had told her yet or not, but kept silent, and did my best to be as nice as pie to her, and I have to tell you, that phone call was the best conversation we have had for the past year, maybe even longer. She was so sweet to me, we did not talk about "us", but we laughed and just talked. It felt awsome!!!
While I was on the phone with her, my phone vibrated in my ear telling me someone else was calling, i ignored it, because she was sooooooo sweet to me.
After hanging up, I looked at my phone and seen someone had left a voice mail on my phone so I pulled it up, and listened to it.
It was the ExBF, telling me he had talked to my W, that he did the very thing that he said he would do.
Now I was still floating on air from her call and did not put two and two together.
I got off work, and thought, I should call him back, and at least thank him for being respectful of my wish's.
I talked to him for a bit, and he made a comment about him telling her I stopped by........
I was like WTH!!!!!!!! I told you to NOT tell her I was here. He said that my W knew I was there, by the way the ExBF cut it off out of the blue. i was like holy crap, she's mad at me.
He said no, she actually acted as if she was pleased I did it.
The ExBF went on to tell me, that he told her that I was very upfront, nice, and non vilolent, and that he thought that I was putting %110 into repairing our marriage, and that she needed to step up and do the same, that I was a great guy, and he felt that I was the best person for her, and that she had a family to be committed to.
I was kind of blown away, he told me, he had really got on her case about us, that all he had heard was her side, and now after talking to me, understood it was mostly her that was causing the problem. He then appologized again to me, and told me he had no intentions on breaking us up, or even doing anything with her. that he had no right to let her come over while being married.
He then invited me down to have a beer with him and to talk about me and my W. I told him I would think about it.
But anyways, I asked him when he talked to her he said right before he called me, which I was talking to her when he called, so she knew I was there when we were talking, but said nothing about it, did not yell at me, or ask me about it. But yet she was sooooooo nice to me, and has been since then, we even have talked last night about watching the movie Fireproof together. Which she asked me about doing. I told her that would be great!!!!
She has texted me and has called me several times since.
Her mom even said that she acted like she was really in a good mood last night I talked to her and was texting her.
So, not sure what this means, hopefully the step forward to reconciling?
I still do not call her or text her, I only reply if she starts it. I do not say i love you, although I want to really really badly.
Her Mom also told me she has seen a spark in her eye, the past two days.
So I am asking for opinions, is this something?
Do you think the exBF lied through his teeth?
What do I do now?
I feel like buying a lottery ticket........ then again maybe this is the calm before the storm.
opinions and advice really really wanted. Thank you.
