With the cheating just prior to marriage, I think you should look to get out. No kids, right. This is no way to live.

So, Zach, "filled her up" was meant to distract the woman with whom she was having a conversation . ****edit**** Zach, you young people did not invent this pleasurable pasttime. I am looking at 60 yrs straight in the eye, anD I will tell you unequivicably, it ain't the size of the wand,it's the magic that's in it. And I know what I am talking about...I AM a product of the 60's!! And now I am entering the 60's once again. Good luck,, GF

Thanks for your reply. I'm not sure what you mean exactly when you say distract her friend, distract her from what? I do somewhat feel like maybe she was just dishing out a few details to get them from her friend, although she didnt say hardly anything about her X-AP, just the one comment, but it was one too many. Its just hard for me to fathom that three years later she can casually mention such a personal thing like initial penetration and what she did and I believe it reflects her mentality. She brought it up herself, her friend never mentioned my wifes affair. so it was hurtful she volunteered that info. The most comforting thing that could have happened would be if her friend asked and she declined to talk about it or him. Then I would have felt respected.

On a side note: what gets me is that when asked she "how big is your husbands thing?" after a brief evasion she simply responded it's average. Even if that is true, I would have liked it if she had built me up just a tad, like saying "oh it bigger than average or its the hottest or it keeps me satisfied. She didnt say anything negative, but she didnt say anything positive about it either. My wife compliments me on my "hottness" when Im walking around naked or she shes me nude she gives me positive feedback but didnt do it with her friend. I just think if it were reversed I would have built her up and highlighted her qualities even if I thought she was mediocre, which I don't. Just ranting I guess....

Maybe your W thought she'd better not say how hot you were to her ho friend. She probably knows her friend well enough to know she'd go after you if she knew what your W knew about you.

Marsh,
Good point. Zach mentioned that this friend would come onto him if she had a chance and that he told his wife so. Zach, don't get hung up (no punt intended) on the "filling" thing. I had a boyfriend prior to my H and he filled me up but never could give me an O like my H can. Your W probably has no idea how you feel and it's tough because you overheard the conversation and she may or may not appreciate that.

Ggirl615 is correct. My wife has told me over and over it is not the size that matters it is how the women feels about the man. I would bet that alot of what she said is "trash talk" just like men talk.

A wife is not going to tell her husband size matters. Unless he has an atlas rocket.

Because her wanting a longer louisville slugger is not going to make her husbands bat bigger.

Because if she tells her husband she would enjoy SF more with bigger equipment. She just let the hot air out of her husbands baloon. Then she gets smaller and softer. Lose lose.

Because if she tells her husband he does not measure up there goes her husbands self esteem. And here comes husbands ED.

Still say that he should say without revealing his sources that he heard his WW's conversation and how it effected him.

That WW needs to go NC with the toxic friend. People that love to talk about and having affairs are not good friend material.

Zackmorris55, TheRoad has given you the best advice that I have seen on the post. Follow it.

Ggirl,

I'm trying not to get hung up on the comment but its hard when I cant even talk about it to her. Also considering this is the second demeaning comment she has made. The first was about how great of a kisser he was and how "hot" it was. Really I have the recording in MP3s and I wish i could post them for all to hear, its pathethic. Does your H know of your previous boyfriend and how you feel about that and of the comment you just made? I wonder how he might feel.

She probably will not like the fact that i listened in on them, but transparency was agreed upon at the beginning of recovery. Just dont know when to confront her.

How about the next time you see her?

Just be ready for her response, once her "anger" (which is actually a stall tactic to formulate an excuse) subsides.

I wonder how many responses we can predict.

1. I was just saving face...trying to impress my skank friend. Don't worry honey, he was just average, too.

2. Yeah, he was huge, but it was more pain than pleasure. I promise.

3. I thought maybe you were recording us, so I figured I'd teach you a lesson.

Anyone else have any predictions?


Oh, and tell your wife to lose ****edit**** as a friend.

LoL thats great!
The thing is both of them are alcoholics and drink tons of beer and love to talk, its just pathetic. They dont always talk alot, but she still finds somebody to talk to. But at this point, Im more angry about her betraying my confidence and trust. I'm thinking of waiting it out for a while and seeing what else I can learn.

Anyone else have any predictions?

Zack,

In addition to anger, I predict a ration of "You had no right to invade my privacy." Huge red flag, of course, because it smacks of "wayward" and is indicative of lack of remorse for the ways she's hurt you already.

However, that accusation could be used to open a conversation about transparency. And what it means to YOU. And how you aren't really getting it.

Agree, toxic friend has to go, but I doubt your W will agree to end the friendship. If selfish disregard for you allows her to choose this "friend" over you, she will claim you are just "overly sensitive" or "controlling" (or whatever term she uses to blameshift/dismiss the effect her choices have on you).

If she's not willing to consider you and make changes to protect you, she ain't marriage material. If she insists on her "right" to choose her own friends and to say what she likes, even if it hurts you, you should head for the door before children arrive to complicate the picture. A lot more misery in your future.

You must get this all out into the open and see where she really stands, and what she's willing to do to create a M that is happy for BOTH of you.

Right now, she is gaining at your expense, and that can never result in a happy M.

Right Here Waiting

RTW,
I like this advice. It reminds me of MikeC sig "Does She Have Your Back." I think Zach WW's response to him will say a lot of what she's really interestd in.

GG

Hey Zach,

I am newbie here, but I have a personal story that might make you feel better. I have a longtime friend that I went to high school with and played football with. I have seen this guy naked many times. The word firehose is an understatement, everybody always teased him about it even.

Fast forward to his marriage. Wife of 5 years has PA with neighbor due to his supposed sexual shortcomings. IMO, whatever women decided they want in bed suddenly becomes the best, therefore; fog babble. Workout like a mad man and work on you.

Hi drscott thanks for your comment but I'm a little confused. Are you saying your friend was "large' and his wife still cheated on him? So I should focus on improving myself? Again thanks

Zach,
Since you asked for opinions, I'll offer mine, and you can take it or leave it.

You are barely 3 years into your M and having to place voice recorders around to capture the convo's of your WW and dealing at the same time with alcohol issues. You should be just coming out of the Honeymoon stage of your M rather than dealing with this.

Your WW doesn't get it, and nothing on the horizon indicates that she will in the near term future. The so called,"FLING" that your WW had just prior to your wedding was a deal breaker.
Had she been honest with you at that time, BEFORE THE WEDDING, you could have at least postponed the M while you pondered YOUR CHOICE TO DO SO.

So yes, you M'd under false pretence of faithfulness that was never there. And three years later, your WW still fantasizes about OM and his size. But theres, more.

At one year she was fantasizing about what a greaat kisser he was.

Your WW has never given up on her FLING and still romantacizes to this day. I'm sure somewhere in you W vows, there was a phrase that stated something about " forsaking all others.
"

Do you want to spend the next thirty or so years looking over your shoulder and placing recording devices around or would it have been better to chose a person who really does have the capacity to love you and forsake all others.

Your problem is actually a double whammy with the alcohol involved. Even Dr Harley admits that, as long as there is an addiction involved, it will be impossible to restore a loving R in the M. Allowed to continue, your wife is going to be vunerable to MANY ONS to which you will probably know nothing about. If caught, she will plead that it was not 'HER FAULT" as she was drunk and didn't know what she was doing.

Examine your heart Zach, and ask yourself if this is the lifetime that you bought into in saying "I DO".

If not, it's time to bail before you invest anything more into this sham.

I'm sorry, truely, that you find yourself here, but it just may be time to admit that several years ago, you made a horrible choice, based on manipultive and unspoken information.

Up to you to do with this as you will, but I know what I would decide(not that it has any bearing on you).

Good luck and All Blessings,
Jerry

Zach,
I believe he's saying the sexual shortcomings of the football player friend with the hose - confirming size didn't matter in this case.

What have you decided to do? Are you going to discuss what you overheard with your wife. Either way you owe it to yourself and your wife to say something so she can have the opportunity to know how to fix it. If she isn't aware then she can't help protect the M.

Jerry,
I'm not in agreement. When I look back at my first three years of marriage we didn't have the best SF and we had a lot to learn about building a M. Granted we were'nt recording each other - we did have a certain amount of trust, something that is missing from Zach's relationship - but take into consideration his W does not know what's going on. Don't blindside her, give her the opportunity to take action.

GG

zach

"but I'm a little confused. Are you saying your friend was "large' and his wife still cheated on him? So I should focus on improving myself?"

I'm a lot confused. If you need to improve you improve. It makes you a better person, a better husband, a better parent.

Are you saying because you are six inches and the OM was ten inches you don't have to change?

Men can have great sex with a woman that has a small rack and have great sex with a woman that has a large rack. Men as indivivduals have a preference as to the ideal they want to see on a woman. But rack size never effected the enjoyment level.

Women can have the same preferences and experiences with mens equipment.

A person is what they are. They can exercise, tone up, make the most of what they have.

I've seen women that had a small rack. Some had were drop dead pretty, some no way could they ever be considered hot.

The same for large rack and in the middle size rack. It's not just the size of the rack that makes a woman pretty.

The same has to be said about "tool size".

Are there people that only can date a certain hair color, height, race, ethnicity, religion? Yes

There are some men and women that are size kings and queens. Most are not.

Your WW should not be fondly recalling her account of riding mr light pole with any one. This is a bad sign.

Also another bad sign is you don't have the balls to hash this out with your WW.

Go down to wally world and buy a set of balls, in the pharmacy dept go down aisle three, their on the right hand side, next to the jars of testosterone.

Did you cheat during those years? Did you boast about your lover's prowess to others afterwards when you thought your H wasn't looking?



Ah-hah - that IS the BIG difference, GG. A very BIG one. Cheating plus alcoholism? I predict a lifetime of misery for the poor BS, unless the WS undergoes a huge character change.