WS came round today we laid cuddling and talking for a few hours before kids came home, He brought up about going to relate together today i asked why he wanted to go to relate he said to see what they say why do you want to go i said cos i want to save our marriage. he said today he didnt want our family to break up. I said well that will end up happening if OW stays in our lives he then got all upset. His staying here tomorrow night as he goes back to ship friday morning which i am dreading.He rang me tonight and told me OW has text him he hasnt replied which i will confirm tomorrow with phone records he doesnt know i am doing this but he does tell me each time she has contacted and that he hasnt replied so far its the truth. Dreading whats going to happen when he back on the ship but i know i cant stop anything he wants to do right now so just have to think of myself and the kids.
Im not sure if relate would work right now with him still having contant with OW what do you think should we give it a go will it help him realise or would it make things worse for him to say told ya so as he was never keen on talking to anyone about it before if mentioned he would instantly dismiss it

Counseling while an active affair is going on is usually just a waste.

However your husband seems like he is very torn, and you are doing a great job in relating to him. Cuddling is good.

The fact that he is talking about the OW and attempting not to contact her is good.

Hang in there, and keep doing what you are doing.

well his on his flight now to go back and meet the ship was hard to say goodbye however we parted on great terms. He spent the night here last night and we were up til pretty late talking im glad his only away for one more week. but am dreading him being with her for this week he did say last night that he is still in love with me which is more than what he said before so just keeping hope that he comes to his senses.

He rang today was pretty distant again this is all getting me down so much now he said we need to talk when the ship gets back on monday i asked what about he said not on the phone when i get back like his made his mind up now i hung up then cried
Feeling so low tonight just wondering if its worth all this heartache i still love him so much but dont know if i can take all this up and down all the time its killing me

well WS rang again last night and tonight and he was in such a good mood talking loads asking how we were and talking about coming round for dinner monday night for us to spend time together
He also told me tonight the the other woman got removed from his ship the day he went back to rejoin it said he had forgotten to tell me this last friday when he went back. The ship is back in tomorrow but he is duty all weekend and has asked if id like to go on board to see him on saturday. which i am going to.
My head still so messed up but just going with things for now and trying to give him as much EA as i can

went to see WS yesterday and things didnt go well he said some very hurtful things to me, he said he had only slept with me when he was home last time because he didnt want me to move away and he didnt want to but did anyway. Also said he only said he wanted to go to relate to show me it was a waste of time and it not gonna change anything. He said i am the one that is hurting the children in all this altho they dont know anything about what is going on i asked how that is he said cos your not always happy about them and i should be. I came home and i cried and cried dont know how he could say such hurtful things to me. He is coming round tomorrow night for us to have dinner and talk i asked what he wanted to talk about he said he dont know but is still coming round and i have gutted the whole house from top to bottom made it look lovely but feel like everything im doing is for nothing not sure if i can keep being nice and meeting his EN up when he just keeps throwing it all back in my face

ok ive done the worst thing possible and blown it with WS he came round for dinner tonight started off ok then my son weed on the bed twice for no reason this is out of character for him but something he has started doing the last week wetting bed and pooping himself his not done that since he been out of nappies since he was 2 WS asked why he started doing this i said im not sure but can only think of 1 reason why he would be doing it. Then he said thats it you try use the kids in all this to get me back i said im not i cant control the childrens behaviour just telling it as it is then he went mad and we had a huge row and he walked out said he never wants to see me again abd will come pick the kids up weds at 5pm and with that he went as im sat here crying cant believe i allowed him to make me lose my temper and go mad at him after i promised myself i wouldnt stoop to it and show him im better than that arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh please help any advice is really needed i dont want to lose my husband he means everything to me.

You've been doing a great Plan A. The row is over and done with, so don't punish yourself about that any more. Just control the LBs in the future.

Your H sounds VERY undecided. You said OW was no longer on his ship - are they still in contact?
Who have you exposed to?

OW is off ship now and is waiting for another draft to somewhere else dont know where too yet, i have exposed to everyone and anyone family memebers freinds work colleagues everything. I have no one else to contact now about the affair i do not know other womans family or anything i know that she is not married tho and single i have also told her tonight by text that we have been intimate together a few times since he was sent home i know she probs wont believe me but i needed to get it off my chest
omg i feel such a prat now plz help me get back on track

im lost with what to do now or where to go from here i want to call WS but not sure its a good idea as he has stated he dont want to see me now or talk to me should i call him or should i leave it, this is driving me mad i dont know where to turn to now or what to do next. should i now be thinking about going into plan B already or should i make contact and see if he is willing to talk to me im really at my wits end with it all right now.

You need to stay in Plan A. Your husband is angry right now, but he will get over it. Don't give up now.

Stay calm, quit crying, go out and do something fun. Be patient.

Are your H and OW in the military?
Have you reported the affair up the chain of command?

yes theyre both in military and have both been reported which is how she ended up being removed from the ship they were both on. As affairs are not allowed especially on board.

OW text me back earlier and told me to keep out of her and my WS lives and that i should let them move on together and this has nothing to do with my children so I shouldnt be making them suffer like its me doing this to my children, Im sitting here now wondering if i should be replying to her or not

You should be in Plan A.
You should be meeting your WH's ENs and avoiding LBs, and exposing wherever you can.

Conversing with OW does not fit into plan A.

What are your H's top ENs and what are you doing to meet them?

"OW text me back earlier and told me to keep out of her and my WS lives"

LOL, That's a good one!!!!!!

I would not answer her email, but instead send it to the command.

thanks for that believer and turtle i wont reply to OW just leave it as it is and i will pass it on
His top ENs that i know off is spending is affection attention he hates any mess in the house and i have sorted the house out completely even got new curtains etc it looks like a new home and he loves motorbike racing and football which i have planned a trip to the motorbike racing in april together i hate bikes but im willing to learn i have all the bike clothing as have asked that we can go out on his motorbike that i bought him last year he said why you hate them i said i want to learn to like them thats why i got tickets to go watch it live with him

I rang WS and asked if he would like to come up after work for a few hours he said he would but had to go about 7 cos he was going out watching the football i said thats fine just be good to see you.

So he came about 4pm and stayed to see the kids for a few hours and then spent an hour with me when the kids had been put to bed. He said his sorry for continuing to hurt me and its not what he wants, i asked him if we could possibly spend a few hours on our own this weekend to go out on his bike and go for a nice walk or something he said he would see and asked why i would want to i replied by saying i just want to spend some time with you it would be good to get out for a bit without the children some time for us, he said he would let me know.

Im glad i rang him now and asked him round i managed to regain my control and stayed calm. His coming tomorrow night for a few hours to see the kids so we will see what happens there.

His top ENs that i know off is spending is affection attention he hates any mess in the house and i have sorted the house out completely even got new curtains etc it looks like a new home and he loves motorbike racing and football

That was kind of hard to follow, it looks like you edited it and things got mixed up a bit. It sounds like you're listing
Domestic Support
Recreational Companionship
Admiration

I think you're on the right track with keeping the house nice. You might try cooking some of his favorite meals for him, maybe putting out flowers or lighting some candles and playing some of his favorite music when he's around. Make the home his castle.

Likewise you're doing great with showing an interest in motorcycles and football. Find out if there's a race you two could go to as observers. Also if that football game that he has to leave about 7 to go see... if it's on TV ask him if he'd like to watch it at your place (fix his favorite game snacks) and if it's live see if he'd like some company. If you really hate motorcycles and football, though, these efforts are a short-term fix because you will eventually resent him if you force yourself to do something you dislike "for him". If you dislike motorcycles and football start trying to figure out other recreational things you'd both enjoy. What did the two of you do together when you first met and when you were dating?

Admiration is something you could work on. Most men have Admiration pretty high on their lists. Can you think of some ways you could meet this EN of his?

I think you're doing great. If you want some encouragement from a woman who did a textbook perfect Plan A, check out Trying2Live's thread. She's in a dark Plan B now but her Plan A was spectacular and her WH is very torn as a result.

Here's the beginning of T2L's thread:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2133954&fpart=1

i have been on his bike twice since he has it he knows i dont like him going fast on it so he does drive slower when im on it i know if i went on it more i would enjoy it more.

he has just rang me to say goodnight and he will see me tomorrow i asked if he would mind taking daughter to karate tomorrow night as i have work and she has grading on saturday so she needs to go i finish work the time that it finishes he said sure ill go do it with her which he started doing with her then stopped since the A started

so i replied by saying that would be great it would really help me out a lot thank you, his response was you dont need to thank me i will always be here for you, i just responded by saying thanks i really do appreciate this and said im just going to bed myself now he left by saying he loved me and has noticed how nice i have the house looking.

i said goodnight i love you too then hung up.

He is getting removed from his ship very soon and redrated to another one he said he should know tomorrow when this will be happening and he also said that he thinks it will be going away for 6 months this concerns me with how im meant to continue plan A as this is going to be virtually impossible if this is the case.