I am new to the site, but read it dillegently all day long! Here it is. Been with my wife for 6 years, married for a year and half. We have two children, 4 and 1. The only issue we have ever had between us is infidelity. We both caught the other before we were married cheating, but moved on from it. We were marreid in 2007, moved out of state for employment, and were very close.
Moved back to our original state in august 2008, and within 6 days of being back, she found phone numbers in my phone. She said this crushed her. She felt marriage was the way to end all the games and B.S. that we had put each other through, and this devastated her. She became enraged and violent with me. I admitted to taking the numbers, and we worked on getting past this. Since that time, the issue has come up maybe once every 6 weeks, and it finally climaxed at the end of January when she told me she didnt want me living at home anymore and wanted me to move out. At first, she talked nothing of divorce, but while hanging out with other friends and relatives, she went from hoping I became the man she always dreamed of one day, to the big *D*.
So i moved out, which was hard enough, and we split our time with the kids. She says she fell out of love with me, has no faith in the relationship, and belives its not meant to be. She said she received signs from God this was the case, the same God I pray to bring us back together. She has started to hang out with a few of her girlfriends alot more, and her sister, and even some people she would never associate with when were tight (male and female). She says nothing is going on, she wants to be single and alone and raise our kids. There is a history of depression and bi-polar in the family, but I cant get at all, she has a force field up when I came around.

I want to make it work, people say give her space, but I cant. She is emotionless and cold hearted to me. She pushes me out the door when I go to see the kids. Where do I go??

I have to resist calling and showing up at my old residence every night. Is that normal?

I am not clear about why she is upset. She found phone #s in your phone. What is the issue? What is her complaint?

You wrote:



Do you mean she caught you with new phone numbers every 6 weeks, or do you mean she would revisit the issue every 6 weeks hoping you'd finally understand why she was so pissed?

It sounds like you had the opportunity to work at it and messed it all up. Whether it can be fixed now depends on a lot of things. What happened?

"I asked my husband to move out because he did ___________."

Can you fill in the blank?

she found other females phone numbers in my phone and text messages. we went back and forth about it, and out of the blue every 6 weeks, it would come up and be a source of an arguement. she said she couldnt let it go, and finally felt we were done, so she asked me to move out. she said at first she wanted us to both find ourselves first so we can respect each other, now its just like *whatever* i am single, and married only on paper in her mind.......

the phone numbers were found in august of 2008, and no other issues occured after that. but that is her source of anger, and feeling that i always put her second to everything

Are you still married?
If so, move back into your home.

Are you completely open and honest with her? Does she know where you are at all times and who you're with? Does she have access to all your email and social accounts (facebook, myspace)? Does she have full access to all your financial records?

Do you spend your recreational time with your wife or with your buddies and co-workers?

Do you know what her top Emotional Needs are and are you meeting them? (see link in my sig)
Do you know what Love Busters are and have you eliminated them?? (see link in my sig)

Are you positive she's not in an affair? Put a key logger on the PC, check her cellphone history.

Welcome to Marriage Builders.

If that is as forthcoming as you get, then I understand why she is hopeless. Would it be too much to tell me what the problem is?? WHY WERE THE PHONE #S THERE AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH THEM?

pulling teeth here.....

she hides her cell phone on a consistent basis. I have deleted myspace, facebook, etc a long time ago. I know the numbers were wrong, I did apologize for them. We felt like we were working past it, but she feels she hasnt got over that happening. We spend time togehter, always with our children, but do go our seperate ways from time to time when we go out. She confided in her sister, who up until last week had a husband incarcerated, but since he has come home, she turns to other friends. The month before I moved out, she always stayed at her house, even the first two weeks I moved out, she stayed there even with our kids, instead of our brand new place.

still waiting to hear why the #s were there and what the problem is...... tap, tap, tap..........

If you aren't going to be forthcoming, there isn't much we can do to help you.

we had just moved back to our home state, and I decided to go out. I accepted the numbers, and she heard my phone ringing at 4am the same night I took the numbers. Why i took them, I dont know, maybe to feel macho, or like, wow people still remember me. Really dont have a clue? Since we had been married, we had no issues until then. Granted we moved out of state the very next day after getting married for employment reasons ( i took a job that eventually fell through, so we came back home). Again, I have no excuse for the numbers, being selfish>?

she is to the point now where she says where are only married on paper, the marriage means nothing to her, and we are single at this point. that is tough to swallow.

this is not an answer. Can you give me FACTS? FACTS would be nice.

the night i got the numbers was 6 days after we returned back to our original state. we were supposed to go out, but had no babysitter, so i went to a local spot where i knew people. lots of people i saw were catching up with me, and everyone was saying *call me* or *email me* i took numbers from male and female, but her concern was the female (obviously). I do not even remember at the end of the night whose number I had or didnt have, but it didnt matter, the phone rang in the night, and thats what started it all.

Nothing here tells me WHY you had the #s, WHO gave them to you, WHAT you were doing. You are not telling the STORY. How can anyone understand your situation if you play weasel games with the truth?

Why can't you state SIMPLE FACTS?

You have to be willing to give her time. You cannot make her come back to you. I have gone through a similar situation in regards to trying to make my spouse love me and want to come back. The best thing I have done is backed off and let her have some time. The beginning of this, I could not really back off and would be on her case all the time about moving back in together and working things out. The more I let go, the closer she gets to me. I know it is hard to do... VERY hard to do. I honestly think this is the only choice you have right now.

she literally fought me, and wanted to leave then. but we stayed together. then in november, she tells me she has found *us* another place to live, but I cant go on the lease right away........sign right? the four of us move in there, I pay all the bills (always have), but by the end of January, she says she has been faking her feelings, and can not go on anymore doing so.

That sounds like bullcrap to me and still is not forthright - no FACTS. Are you a drunk?

most of the numbers were old people i knew from the past. i was at a local bar when i ran into all the people, drinking and catching up, just having a good ole time. acting like it was 2001 again or something when life was much different.