I called my wayward spouse today and told him that he could have a key, we have been separated for 7 months, we have talked about reconciiation, I miss him.

I think that is beautiful. I wish my wife would consider the same with me. Without knowing your history together I seriously wish you both luck.

Be strong.

I hope your marriage can be rebuilt with a strong foundation.

If you haven't already read up on all the Harley material, I have one recommendation and that is that you require your husband to commit to NC before moving back in together. Your commitment would be to do your best to meet his ENs if he comes back..

Best of luck!

He has not responded to my offer. Is this to be expected for now.

Sunshine, you have to show WH something pleasant before he disappears.

Please keep to your original post future posters understand your sitch.

I said to my wayward spouse that I wanted to have a key to our house, I then invited him out to dinner, he excepted, and has called me 3 times today. We are meeting for dinner on Sunday.

Any advice?

Have fun and NO RELATIONSHIP TALK.

Read up on Plan A, memorize it and formulate your plan.

I have not heard from him since Tuesday, should I continue with the communication? since he is the ws, shouldn't he be making more effort?

You control Plan A. If you were supposed to talk to him, I would.

I would call my WH often in Plan A. Just as nice as possible, sometimes reminding him of the past, engaging him in conversation, keeping it light.

I had to learn to NOT EXPECT anything and it was hard and maddening at times.

He is a wayward, an alien, a selfish, self-centered monster. If you want your M, you unfortunately need to put away expectation of anything from him and do what you can do to get the M into recovery.

It sucks, it's not fair, but so is life.

Update: He called me 3 times on Tuesday and was ready to go to dinner that night, I ask him if we could make it Sunday, because I work late during the week. We met for dinner on Sunday and it was nice. I kept it light, it said he is having a hard time trusting. It is so strange, it is like he if reversing the script. He acts like the victim, like someone has done him wrong. But he did say that he thought that I was going to invite to the house for dinner, When I ask him if he wanted to go to the house he said no.

He called me later that night, and said that he had to be petty for a minute and said that he wanted to know why I would not give him any furniture out of the house, and felt like I did not want to meet him half way. So, I said to him that he could take what he needed out of the house. I then said that he didn't want anything now. Sounds like he might be borderline personality. I feel like he is jealous of me, instead of trying to work things out, he just plays mind games. he gives me some hope and then acts like an [censored].

What should I do now.

Maybe he is waiting for the crunch and cant accept the consequences of his actions?



Why would you give him anything if you are trying to save the marriage. Your home is the marital residence, yes?

waiting for the cruch? I do believe that he is having a hard time accepting the consequences, is that why he is reversing things?

Yes,this is our maritial home. Don't give him the key, wouldn't that give him a clear message of acceptance. That we can move on and rebuilt. I am not sure what to do at this point.

I mean if this is your marital home, why does he not stay in it. There is no point to take anything away. Sure let him have the key if he is going to stay there.

I have not given him any furniture out of our home. And when I suggest him taking a few things, he then says, that he does not want anything now!. He continues to find fault, he said that he left because I don't know how to love him. He is not seeing the ow anymore, but he is so bitter, He is not staying here because he got his own place 6 months ago and refuses to come back, even though we have talked of reconciliation. Maybe I am the one in the fantasy land, He says he will not come back. But yet he takes my calls and he sometimes calls me, asking for little things, nothing that matters. Like, can I pick up my tax papers, which he never did. Last night I ask him to call to wake me up this morning, I had an early appt. he did not. It's like he wants to play cat and mouse. I need a strategy.

Please stick to one thread, it helps people keep up with who you are and what your situation is.

Are you familiar with Plan A?
What are your WH's top ENS?
How are you meeting them?
What LBs are you guilty of?

Answer the questions you can, and if you don't know what I'm talking about I can point you to links and books where you can educate yourself about the Marriage Builder concepts and plans.

That is what you need. You need education, direction, and a concrete plan. You said it yourself: "I need a strategy".

Thank you, I have the book: He needs-her needs in front of me and will start reading the book. give me a couple of days to respond with a plan.

In the meantime I will stay in contact with my husband suggesting that we agree to find out what our needs are that are not getting met. Hopefully he will agree to begin the process together.

In the meantime I will stay in contact with my husband suggesting that we agree to find out what our needs are that are not getting met. Hopefully he will agree to begin the process together.

I think this is a bad idea. It sounds like he is still wayward. If he is, then the last thing you want to do is talk marriage/relationships with him. Plus you don't want to expose him to the MB concepts until he's ready to work on the marriage.

Just focus on yourself and working a fabulous Plan A (meet his ENs, avoid LBs, expose the A). Things will fall into place if you do that.

I did expose the affair, and that is over, he has not returned home and continues to talk about how he is the victim. He is angry, and stays in the victim mold. I will continue to work on myself. he want let me in to meet any emotional needs. He has times when he wants to talk and other times he will not take my calls. I do believe that the affair is over. however, he continues to keep his distance. It's like he wants to come home but is embarrassed and does not know how to return home. It seems that he does not want to look at his issues in the face.

If you can't get his EN's then estimate what they are. He should feel that you are a place of safety, except for infidelity.

Future indiscretions will be exposed.

Express that you miss his company. Please ask him not to be a stranger. Invite him over for special activities.

Do not talk about marriage. Focus on his being admired, etc.-EN's.