Scrambled Egg, my BH wrote:

I keep reminding myself that she isn't the same person today that she was then.


This may not make sense to you all. For clarity's sake (I am not making excuses for my actions!!!), I was having a nervous breakdown during the time of the affair. In short, I cracked. Everyone who knows me knows that I "just wasn't (my) normal self" through this period.


This makes it all the more disgusting for me, as anyone (and I do mean ANYONE) who knows me would never (and I do mean that in an absolute sense--NEVER) think that I'd have an affair. Just goes to show how far a person can fall i such a short amount of time. I feel the gravity of this greatly. GREATLY.

Maybe that helps clarify, maybe I'm just giving out more ammo--I don't know. I just thought it might be helpful...it's hard to try to get and give advice when there are so many details to everything. But I do sincerely appreciate ALL of the advice. BH and I discuss what we find here, and that is healing and helpful to our M.

Hell I'm all over threatening the OM - just don't do anything that could get you thrown in jail!

I believe this. We see and hear this quite often. More often than not, the affair was an aberration of character rather than a way of life.

Just saying Scrambled is now on the wrong side of the law if the OM wants to make an issue of it. And that it is very strange for him to be soo angry at OM and not angry at WW.

huh? What did he do that is against the law? And I believe he is mad at wife.

However, there would be something wrong with him if he wasn't very angry at the OM who had an affair with his wife. I would wonder if he was MENTALLY ILL if not.

It's not strange at ALL. It is completely typical especially seeing as his d-day was yesterday.

6years - you have not read very much here if you believe this is strange.

6YL

I have a bunch of questions for you to answer.

"And that it is very strange for him to be soo angry at OM and not angry at WW."

I have been reading here since 2004. What you stated is the complete opposite of what has been posted on MB.

If the BH is going to place equal or most or all of his anger on his WW how is he going to be in the mental state to recover instead of divorce his marriage?

There is no brake on the hate the BH feels for the OM. Why should there be?

Is the BH going to want to be friends with the OM?

Is the BH going to want to date the OM?

Is the BH going to want SF with the OM?

Is the BH going to want to be married to the OM?

Is the BH going to want the OM to meet his EN's?

Does the BH need the OM to keep his family intact?

Does the BH need the OM to get to see his kids every day?

And 6YL, you can't see why the BH needs to give his WW a pass on some of the anger?

Threatening violence against other people is against the law. It is called assault.

He is saying he has no anger at WW and is ready to attack OM. I just don't think that is where he will stay with his feelings.

I never felt anger at the OM, I guess that makes me strange. I didn't want to befriend him but I don't want to befriend lots of people, for lots of reasons. I also thought he was a bad person, but I'm not angry at all the bad people in the world.

Road,

So your analysis is that he should be mad at the wrong person because he has more to gain from it. Ok, if that works for you but it would never work for me. And don't use the analogy of someone stealing my dog, because the WW is a person who went willingly to the OM, and then lied to her H to cover it up.

Oh puhlease.

Please reread the issues with MikeC2 if you think there are no consequences for this type of thing. Maybe her H doesn't need a squeaky clean criminal record, but I prefer to have one.

Mad at the "wrong person?" huh? The OM slept with his wife so his anger is not at the "wrong person," it is the RIGHT PERSON. A normal, mentally healthy person should feel anger when he is assaulted, 6years. It is ABNORMAL to not feel anger. This man did a horrendous thing to scrambledeggs so please don't tell him his anger is directed at the "wrong person." It most certainly is not.

And I don't see anywhere where he threatened "violence." Even so, the OM should be very scared of the consequences of messing with another mans wife.

Melody,

BBB said he threatened the other man and that the other man was frightened, so I believed her. That constitutes assault (misdemeanor) and could easily be grounds for an order of protection.

His W promised to be faithful to him, the OM made no promises to him. His W is not property she is a person who made her own choices.If the OM had forced BBB to comply then I can see anger at him. Maybe I'm just too analytical to feel the standard response. All of this reads like you view the WW as a child who was taken advantage of. I can't believe that you or Scrambled really think that.

I'm just trying to help Scrambled be ready for when the anger at WW kicks in. I've read enough of these to know that it usually does and the BH's can make everything worse when it does.

If you want to think I am mentally ill for thinking that my xWW was a fully functioning adult who chose to cheat on me, then I can't stop you. I never felt anger at the OM, he did not steal from me because WW was not property. As I said, he is a bad person but what does that make the WW.

sorry, but that is nonsense. And I don't know why you are trying to make this man believe he has done anything illegal. He has not.


This doesn't make a lick of sense. The OM slept with his wife. Of course he is going to be angry at him. if someone robs me, I don't excuse their assualt because they "made no promises" to me. That is irrational.

There is nothing "analytical" in the notion that he shouldn't be angry at a man who slept with his wife. Show me someone is not ANGRY at a person who sleeps with their spouse and I will show you someone who is not normal or mentally healthy.

I'm buyin popcorn and putting $20 on ML

My interpretation of what I read was that Scrambled scared him to death, but did not commit any sort of assault. As long as it didn't get physical, given the situation, he should be perfectly fine.

This whole discussion reminds me of the joke - you know you're in the South when a valid defense for murder is "he needed killin'".

In this case the OM needed the fear of the Almighty put in him. Maybe the slug won't do this again to another family. And Scrambled had every right, almost an obligation, to stand up to this jerk. Good for him.

Please refer to the legal problems MikeC2 had from simply asking what type of car the OM drove. I'm not a criminal attorney, contracts is my specialty, so you could all know better than I do. Assault is usually the threat of violence and is a misdemeanor, battery is the actual violence and can be a felony.

Melody,

In my opinion my spouse is not property that can be stolen, but we all view women differently I guess.

Please refer to the legal problems of MikcC2, which had nothing to do with ILLEGAL ACTS. He did nothing illegal and was charged with nothing. And you know it.


GOOD GRIEF.

tnsr,

Where does his right end? Could he punch the OM, how about hit him with a bat, or maybe stab or shoot him? Just asking what is the right response for the mentally healthy man.

What if the OM was telling the truth and the WW lied about being separated?

And Mike made the situation worse by making insinuations.