Brilliant suggestion.

tully has written here that WH was working in Ireland when they met 20 years ago. They lived in Ireland for a few years because he had work there. They moved to France when he got a job there. The research institute in Ireland must do the same kind of research as the one in France; he was due to work part-time on a project in Ireland before tully discovered the affair.

It's an excellent tactic to present this solution as one in which both of you AND the children get the best outcome.

Quick update. Things are getting even worse. I am not in the house any more.

Firstly regarding my parents being here; My mum is dead and my dad is on holidays until Friday and in any case I wouldn't ask him to come because it would upset him too much. He is very much a peaceful man who hates conflict. He has been wonderful to me and the girls but this would be asking too much of him. My sister is here until tomorrow morning and another sister is arriving on Friday but it's already hard enough on them to come for a few days as they have their own lives, jobs and children.

Yesterday I got up and got the children to school. After that I was getting the ink cartriges out of the printer to buy new ones when WH kept asking me what I was doing. I didn't answer, put on my jacket and asked Sister if she would come shopping with me. WH asked if I had the keys of the car (the one in my name) I said yes, I'm going shopping. He tried to take my handbag from me aggressively. I ran away and around the table. My PIL intervened as well. My PIL put his face into mine and starting shouting and provoking me with mocking sounds. My MIL pushed me to the ground and hit me. My sister tried to get between us and I escaped from the house. I tried to get in the car but it was locked and WH tried again to take my bag from me. I was frightened and ran to a neighbours house. I called the police, they came and I filed a complaint. PIL are still there.

I still haven't spoken to my solicitor but I spoke to a colleague of hers who advised me not to stay in the house so I'm in a friend's house now.

Silva, I am not convinced if there is a good long term outcome for this situation. I have turned the situation every which way and I can't see anything that works well for all parties concerned. In every case someone suffers a lot and I can't see around this. This is what has created the level of animosity and difficulty here.

Will update later.

Tully

This is unbearable to hear about.

Did H think that you might be going to take the girls from school and away from him?

MIL's assualt might help you get her legally removed from your house. Failing that, I suppose you could try renting a place nearby and having voluntary shared custody on a 50/50 basis with H.

You have to get this whole situation in front of a judge urgently. Any advice from solicitors yet?

This is truly horrible. I am so sorry.

Why did the colleague solicitor advice you not to stay in the house? For your physical safety or for other reasons?

I think I would be inclined to stay in the house (unless you think you are in real physical danger). Your presence could cause so much frustration for your in-laws that they may leave soon. Anytime your MIL assaults you again, call the police. She will stop quickly and will not want to stay there. This is your home!

I think that the best outcome would still be that once things have calmed down at home, you and WH come to an acceptable agreement.

Right now, the tensions are far too high but that may change soon once the in-laws are gone.

All the best, Tully! One day, this will be over. Keep the faith!

I'm not quite sure whether this would be a good strategy.

With Tully renting a house in the neighborhood and sharing kids 50/50, WH gets exactly what he wants. He would be under no pressure to finalize the separation or divorce. Also, if it works out well that way (for WH and kids), I worry that the court would decide to continue this arrangement permanently.

What are the consequences for assult in France?

This is insanity.

I will keep praying for you.

True, Silda; tully would be conceding her right to live in her home. I'm only suggesting this if she is advised NOT to go back home (as she has ben so far) or feels tht she cannot bear to do so. If she cannot go home, there is no reason why WH and his parents should keep her children and "let" her have access to them on their terms.

tully can push for an early court hearing even if H is happy with a 50/50 deal; it is not only up to WH to nforce a legal judgement.

I agree that the court might see an existing 50/50 solution as one that can be continued, and that would be bad for tully.

I agree with you also that WH might be persuaded to see the benefit of the Irish solution once things calm down. He surely won't be so cruel as to insist that tully not only lose her marriage because of his affair, but has to live in France, also. He can't be that inhumane, surely.

Haven't seen much evidence to suggest he's likely to behave any better than he has, so I think he would quite easily expect this.

The situation can't maintain this level of emotional high tension forever. For one thing, the ILs can't stay there for the rest of their lives. Things will eventually subside.

The MIL's physical attack on Tully was a major tactical error, with a witness present. In Tully's own home, too. Big mistake. Leaves an official question mark over whether the children are safe with these people.

TA

I agree with TA. The level of this insanity is crazy!

If I were Tully, I'd press charges on this MIL to the end!
FIL screaming in her face (assult) WH slapped her to the floor, In his own writing- How can they see that this is a positive place for children?

You've been granted a potent weapon through this latest assault. Prosecute it to its fullest extent.

{{{{{{{{{{{Tully}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Wow...your inlaws are getting nuts. Unless you are too scared to go back to the house, I would go. Even if you don't sleep there, I'd be there during the day. WH and his parents are becoming unglued which is not going to look good for them in court. Your presence threw them off balance and they can't handle it. Take sister and/or a friend with you to serve as witness. If you take a friend you will have yet one more witness to call if necessary on how confrontational and unstable POSILs are being. Perhaps a male friend would be better so the father's group can't claim all your female friends are just anti-men fanatics and a male presence might make the inlaws think twice about getting in your face. Are you friends with anyone of political clout or very high social reputation on a wide scale in your community?

Could you ask the police to escort you back to your home and have them explain to inlaws that you have a legal right to be in the home. Will they arrest her next time or remove her from the house? I'd press whatever charges I could against MIL. Get a copy of the complaint if you don't have one already and review it to make sure that what the officer wrote is accurate. If the description is vague, ask for the description to be more detailed. Draw them a frickening picture if you have to. After that crap, the gloves would be off. I'd also tell oldest DD why you are no longer at the house if the subject comes up. Let POSMIL try to explain why she hit her mother. [censored] [censored]! DD was smart enough to figure out that WH was a liar while crying to her.

Everyone's personality is different, but I'd dig my heels in now that WH and his parents are starting to look unstable. Heck I'd even be leaning in to take a hit and then call the police. I'd be doing all I could to bring on a stroke for the inlaws all the while being so so nice of course

Who arranged for the children to go back to school?

{{{tully}}} stay strong. You have to keep in mind that WH and his parents are your enemy. If you know what buttons to push, push them and step back. Let them self destruct while you barely lift a finger.

I wouldn't count on WH to exhibit any sort of compassion for tully. The man is desperate and nuts. I hate to say this but what about using OW as enticement to go back to Ireland. Yeah slap me already but isn't her skankho [censored] there? Play it as a win, win. WH gets OW and to see the children. tully has her family, start off business, and children and is away for nutty inlaws. Oldest DD already thinks OW is trash and statiscally the APs relationship is already doomed. Once back in Ireland and the divorce is over, there's nothing to stop tully from letting it slip to anyone and everyone on the street, that yeah my ex'sGF was his low life mistress. She's special.

Getting the children back with tully, preferable in Ireland, is the goal. Even if advised from his legal counsel, WH might not be able to resist. :RollieEyes:

Tully,

I do not know what the laws are in France, but in America, I can tell you that ALMOST ALWAYS they are on the side of the parent who NOW has custody.

Your H NOW has custody.

GO BACK HOME. GET BACK in that house. DO NOT give ANY impression that you have abandoned your children to mentally unbalanced and physically abusive monsters.

CAMP in the yard if necessary. Get a different friend to stay with you every night for your safety's sake. BUT DO NOT ABANDON your children. WE here alll know that you are not doing that, but courts view these things diferently. Right now, the idiotic argument can be made that when things got dangerous for YOU, you left your children in a dangerous situation. Stupid, but true.

Get help from the police if you can possibly do it. In many states in America, UNTIL a divorce is FINAL, neither spouse can be forced to leave the home.

GO HOME. NOW. I have a very good friend who(25 years ago) was being abused physically by her H. She left the home becasue she knew he would NOT hurt the children. She tried to come back. He locked her out, and served her with divorce papers. She stayed away and LOST custody of her 3 children. It took her 10 years and THOUSANDS of dollars to get them back.

I do not mean to be alarmist. I am typing quickly.

What happened with your awful in-laws is herd mentality. Protect yourself AND your children.

Praying intensely,

You're right, b_r. The thought of using OW as a lure occured to me too but I thought that it was too low a suggestion to make. It's not, though!

Wknghrd, your advice is spot on.

You don't want to give the impression of any sort of abandonment. At the very least I be over there during the day. If you do not sleep at the house, a reasonable explanation would be that sleep arrangements were inadequate with the inlaws and your sister there. Once inlaws leave, I'd sleep there. Double up with one of the children. If WH gets aggressive call the police each and every time.

Tully listen to me as you never have before.

Get to the police and demand they are all removed from the house. In america what happend to you is known as assault and battery. Under the domestic violence laws all 3 of then would be sent from the house with retraining orders set so they could not come within 500 feet of you or the children.

They are abusers.....people are doing stupid things in hot situations. What happens when one of the girls expresses thier displeasure at what's happened. What happens next.

Get the solicitor to the judge and get an emergency injunction. Have the police bring these charges to justice. YOU HAVE A WITNESS. That is the most important part. Any bruises or abrasions from the incident....photograph them now!

I studied to be a police officer and domestic violence is one thing that is taken very seriously here in the states. Cadets are thouroughly trained in this area. Act now no excuses before this turns towards the children. You thought before that wh would not take them and look what he did.

He is not a sane rational thinking adult. Please tully if you have to go to the police and beg do it now.

P.s. If possible get your brother there with you. POSIL will be less likely to want to assault you with his presence around. I myself am on the verge of hopping a plane. I am dead serious tully.

Were the girls home at the time this happened? If so, they are witnesses as well as victims, in my opinion.

Tully...document any bruises or scrapes or cuts or other injuries. Be sure there is a police report. REPEAT - BE SURE THERE IS A POLICE REPORT. Ask to have poswh and posils removed from the house. Ask to have the girls returned to you. Ask to be allowed to take them back to Ireland where you can all 5 be safe. Ask for restraing order/order of protection for all of you from all of them.

Now, I don't know the differences between French law and American law....but you aren't safe and I don't think the girls are safe.

And, I'm not sure your solicitor's colleague's advice was worth the phone call.

This is the SECOND physical assault.

WH admitted to slapping her in an email.

USE that email evidence to better your position.

ITA.

Adding: Now we know where wh LEARNED his abusive tactics.

I wouldn't have those people around my turtle, much less my kids.

Tully,

I am just bumping this up because I can not stop thinking about you.

Fill us in when you can. We are all praying that you have had the police to help you now.

Also, if you have not yet done so, get a voice activated recorder. Keep it on your person at all times.

Is it possible that your H is reading here?

Blessings,