I used to read there as well, but haven't in probably 18 months or so...it literally makes my stomach turn. As I was reading I would wonder how many of the OW in the situations HERE are posting over THERE.

And it's totally absurd how they think THIS website it so wrong and disgusting. How bassakwards it THAT?!?!? They talk like the BW should just surrender her H, her life and her FAMILY to them! HUH?!?!?

It's actually a testimony to how messed up this world really is...

I know what you mean. I found that website pretty disgusting myself. All the pity parties over spending holidays alone, the 'me, me, me' mentality.

Barf, is right.

Hey there cousin. You and I just may have to hook up email wise.

Be sure you understand this book is not what the bible means by forgiveness.

I understand that. Christians are to put no conditions in place for forgiveness. We are to forgive just as God does.

Aren't we also supposed to ask for forgiveness? Aren't we supposed to confess to God? So along those lines shouldn't the offender confess to and ask the victim for forgiveness? I understand the Bible doesn't require we receive an apology in order to forgive, but it sounds like from much of what I read here on MB that it may help a BS.

While I am Christian, I stink at quoting scripture so I'll let y'all who can do so take it from here.

What I believe is as my church does, that "The One who invites us to the Table reminds us that we are to live as the divine host lived. We are empowered to remember to seek reconciliation with Christ, an act that compels reconciliation also with one another. Accepting the invitation to come to the Lord's Feast demands that we actively seek reconciliation in every instance of conflict or division between ourselves and our neighbors."

So yes, for me to even take communion, I must actively reconcile with those in my life with whom I have conflict. The Bible along with the book I mentioned have helped reveal to me the best ways I can go about apologizing and how to present my remorse to the BW and how to show repentence to my H.

Anyway, this isn't the intent of this thread, I don't think. I found the book to be very helpful in how I needed to go about apologizing to others around me -- my H, my friends, and even the BW. It has also helped put into plain terms how I need to go about forgiving myself. My Lord has commanded me to do this, but even today it ain't easy.

The Bible is also of great strength for me throughout this.

Agreed.


Yes we have to ask for forgiveness. It would be nice if people who offended us did that but it isn't essential. When we forgive, we agree to let God take care of them Himself and forsake our right to vengence so to speak. "Forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors"


Where is the scripture that compels us to reconcile?

Forgiveness, Reconcilliation and Restoration are 3 different things.

I will never forgive OW. She was M'd herself, slept with my H, knowing he was also M'd. Yeah it took 2, he was at fault also, but if she wanted him that bad, then she should have walked away and waited until he was available and vice versa. They both are scum...

Thanks Looking4, that's really helpful. I have the book ordered and can't wait to read it. I think it will be good for both me and my FWH. What you have quoted makes real sense to me as someone who tends to agnosticism.

I was brought up a Churchgoer and still live with strong Christian values, but I no longer attend Church and whilst I appreciate that to follow he teachings of the Bible is our ideal, I also understand the difficulty of living to that ideal, particularly when it comes to forgiveness.

For me, the ideal is that I harbour no ill will to those who have wronged me, that I forgive them, move on and let go of any resentment. Unfortunately, this seems unachievable when it comes to the OW, and if I can not live up to this ideal of forgiving the OW, then am I a failure for not forgiving?

I have no wish to think of myself as a failure when it comes to anything to do with our recovery from something that has been so personally devastating. I have had to find from somewhere the strength and courage that I never thought I had in me. I know that my FWH and all our family are in awe of me for the way I have handled this situation. They didn't think I had it in me either...

The subject of forgiveness is so very interesting to me, and I am in absolute awe of people who offer true and complete forgiveness to those who have hurt them, particularly when no remorse is shown. It is a remarkable person who is capable of this. Regrettably, I am far from remarkable so I will aim for acceptance.

Thanks again Looking4. x

PS - Love the Terry Hargrave quote too.

It's very easy for those who have recovered to forgive all parties and those who who are repenting to ask for forgiveness as they realize that they have wronged.

When you have lost literally everything at the hands of reprobate minds, forgiveness is merely just one more blow.