Thanks OH!

Yes, if you're happy with just one cat, that's good too! It's taken me a looooong time to be ready to make this sort of commitment again.

Okay, I was up way too late last night.

jayne - I don't have a Mal myself. My dogs are both mixed breed pound puppies. A beagle and something mix (The Brains), and a lab and (I think) pit mix (The Brawn). My GF has a dog who looks like a really, really skinny white GSD. She thinks he might actually be a native feral breed called Carolina Natural Dog. He's a big ol' paw-crossin' sissy. Jill says he's a metrosexual because he's had to live most of his life with 2 women. I love him to death, but my lab/pit mix keeps him check. He gets a little more aggressive and dog-like being around my two maniacs though. He also pees like a girl dog when he's with them. So funny how dogs can affect each others' behaviors.

Once they're all gone (GF's dog is 11, and my dogs are 10 and 8), I'll look at Mals. I don't know if they're any easier or harder than GSDs. I would say that the lower popularity probably means less risk of both physical and emotional dysfunction. Just a thought. Maybe something to look into. Talk to some trainers perhaps.

NO!!!!! You did NOT just mention the Carolina Dog, did you???

That's my Plan B. For real. I think the dog we had when I was a kid in TN was a CD. I've been talking with Dr. Brisbin who discovered them and is doing research. If all goes well, I will probably get a puppy from him this summer, I'm still waiting on some info he was supposed to send me. (Yes, that would be in addition to a GSD if DH seems ok still by summer; or possibly instead of a GSD if I don't have one by summer.) The guy in the office beside me at work will run a DNA test for me for free, to see what's there.

I would really like to see the CD kept untarnished by human-imposed breeding standards. Dr. Brisbin has said he'd like to work with me on that, and I'm talking to folks here about placing pups... I'm still waiting for info though. It must be coming from UGa via a slow boat from China. LOL

Yes, Mals look very attractive with the lower rates of HD and stuff. Some breeders are really breeding for *hard* dogs though, which is good if that's what you're looking for. They do some really amazing things in Schutzhund and (I think it's called) French Ring? Cool things on YouTube.

We had a Doberman, who was a sweetheart but looked really scary, and a Lab. The Dobie was the victim of ongoing breeding errors and had degenerative neck issues. We put her down when she was about 8 and couldn't walk anymore.

The Lab was a meatball. This dog had 9 lives. She was a loveable but irresponsible and (I admit, our fault!) poorly trained MESS! She had a great dog's life until the end though. She was 16 and was diagnosed with a non-operable and quick growing tumor around her heart. We thought she had developed asthma when we took her in for a check up and 3 days later she was gone.

I miss them both but am not ready for another dog. Maybe someday when life calms down....

I have to be honest with you... I don't put a whole lot of thought or worry behind the notion of behavioral breeding. I think there's a lot of marketing behind that. Dogs respond to the way dogs respond. Some breeds can be more aggressive or passive than others, but how well the work and live within the family (pack) depends on the owners (pack leaders). Hershey, my lab/pit mix, is VERY aggressive with cats and small animals. She's not very dog friendly either, and I've had to jerk a knot in her butt a few times when her instinct takes over.

However, there hasn't been a single solitary time that I've ever worried about my kids with her. She has always been totally passive w them, no matter what their age or what they did to her. I have sectional sofa set with a chaise lounge, and she curls up on the floor next to me. When both my kids were toddlers, they'd step up on her to get on the couch. She wouldn't even lift her head. FTR, I don't think she has any pain receptors. She's just a wall of muscle and nothing seems to phase her except for when I raise my voice.

The beagle mix on the other hand avoided both kids like the plague until they were old enough to pet her gently and give affection.

I have a video of all three dogs on my Facebook page if you want to see them. It's nothing special - just them running around. Jill's dog kept jumping up on me trying to get the camcorder. He thinks it's a flashlight.

Our kids would ride the Lab when they were younger. She loved it. The Doberman was gentle as all get-out with them but made sure she never put herself in a position to be jumped upon with a "giddyup"!

My brother had a beautiful Dobie. Big mean, scary looking creature. And the sweetest, most gentle dog I've ever known. Just a big ol' mooshy boy. When my DD was 2, she was distressed that he didn't gobble his food down like her dogs do. I caught her hand-feeding him out of his bowl, one piece of kibble at a time. He died late last year from cancer too. I think he was 9.

Aw, you guys are getting me soooo excited!!!!!!!

My male German shepherd sure looked like a big dog, and he sounded like one too... but he was a pussycat. For real. He would let toddlers fall all over him, just like you say... he would let them reach in and take doggie biscuits from his mouth. I would give kids one doggie biscuit and say they couldn't have any more or else his tummy would get upset, so they would keep grabbing the same biscuit back and giving it to him over and over... up to 30 minutes at a time.

It's rough when they have to go. It totally sucks that dogs have shorter life spans than humans. My dog finally had to be put down at the age of 12 when she just stopped eating... I think it was related to the vet cleaning her teeth but I'm not sure... We kept her alive as long as we could keep her comfortable with subcutaneous fluids... we had offered her everything from steak and hot dogs to beef broth and chicken soup and baby food.

Have y'all read the poem about the Rainbow Bridge?

I love having a dog that LOOKS tough. I feel so safe and secure. I could go anywhere with him... I regularly went camping all by myself in the Canadian Rockies... (Remind me to tell you about the time I forgot the *tent* of all things... and it rained...) Then one time when I moved, I didn't have any people furniture yet, just his doggie bed... sorry bud, I get the bed you get the floor ROFL

I may end up coming home with a dog from this trip! I'll be looking at two sable girls, I'm more in love with the classic black and red. But if they are good dogs then color doesn't matter, eh? I can fall in love with a sable too, I bet. The good thing about these dogs is someone VERY reputable has already started their training, and I bet she'd be willing to help me and all... I'd kinda like to see them get a title or two, but for that I would need a very good mentor.

Dobies don't live very long. Nine years is about average.

Our Doberman was a graceful eater too--until we got the Lab. The Lab didn't eat. She inhaled. And then went over to the other dog's bowl. If that wasn't empty, it got inhaled too. The Dobie's survival dictated she learn how to inhale her food.

VERY good looking dogs, Seabie! I can't believe they are as old as you say... they look very healthy and happy.

Yes I think your GF's dog is a CD. She/He is beautiful! If you think you might be ready for another by this summer... Brisbin won't breed a litter unless he has at least 4-6 homes already lined up. CDs only come into heat once a year, in the spring. Whatever you do, don't get one from the breeder who is near you. Brisbin gave her her foundation dogs and now he thinks she's a puppy mill. He'd like to see her put out of business.

Another story about my brother's dog... They built a beautiful home on the side of a large wooded hill in Knoxville overlooking Lake Loudon. At some point in the past, a woman who lived in the area managed to semi-domesticate a female deer. She got a dog collar on it. The woman passed away, but the remaining residents all put out deer feeders and the doe comes and goes.

One time she came into my brother's driveway, just poking around and Rex (the first Dobie) came out of his heated garage and started barking like a storm. Dolly (the deer) put her head down and started pawing the ground like she was going to take a run at him. Rex was cornered and realized he picked a fight with the wrong animal. My brother saw all of this from the window but he couldn't figure out a way to get to his dog without putting himself in danger. He said Rex had this real scared look on his face like, "Oh, sh**!".

Finally, my brother was able to worm his away around the house, grab Rex by the collar and bring him to the front door. As Dolly turned to walk off, Rex gave her one last parting bark. She wheeled around and acted like she was about to charge him out of spite, when Rex put his head down and ducked inside the house, leaving my brother behind to deal with the pissed off doe.

He avoided her from that point forward.

Hey jayne,

Heard a news story that made me think about you. It seems the NZ police are short of dogs....GSD in particular. They are asking the public that if they have young-ish ones that might be suitable for the life to contact them.

Got any spares you could ship over????

Oooooh!!!!! I could!

I went to see a man about a dog!!!!

(Isn't that a euphemism for something? Going potty?)

Me = happy.
H = wonderful H.
Details later.
Film at eleven.

Jayne, I was reading Brenda1's thread about how she was talking to a past love, and she got a lot of great responses, and I thought of ... you. How you have put a lot of effort into this getting a dog. Which is great. But, I am thinking, are you putting this kind of effort into your M? This kind of dreaming and planning and doing? Kinda like that verse, Where your thoughts are, there your treasure is also.

Have you kept up with CFIO's thread, and read HH's analogy of the dirty windshield? I see how for you H, his windshield was clouded, and he cleaned his windsheild with this new job. And for you, your windshield is clouded, and you're cleaning it by getting a new dog.

My question is, what about doing things together? Becoming each others' favorite RC companions? Spending 15 hours a week on UA time and another 15 hours FC time, doing your favorite things together? Are you doing this, prioritizing this, too?

you must get getting a puppy

I can't believe I'm up this early. A result of being in a different time zone for several days I spose.

Ok so here is the rest of the story (with a respectful sad nod to Paul Harvey: you are missed!):

Ok, here's the short, interesting version:

This past weekend I flew to Washington DC and met a guy I had "met" online. He took me down to a park by the river at night. This could be the beginning of falling in love.

Ok, longer version:

I went to Washington DC for a professional meeting, including talking to some Congressfolks or Congressfolks' staffers... complete with my semi-black eye! :MrEEk: Someone I met online had been telling me about a couple of dogs she thought I'd like and that would suit me and my family well. When I found out they were in Virginia, I asked her where, because I was going to be in DC. Turns out the guy that bred them works at the airport I was flying into! How cool is that! He was going to meet me at the airport, only we were diverted due to weather and got in much much later. The plans changed to I would meet him the following evening after my meetings and dinner.

After dinner, another woman from the meeting went with me, so I wouldn't exactly be meeting a strange man after dark. LOL I think she was more scared than I was, although if I'd met this guy through another type of website it woulda been a totally different thing. This was absolutely about the dogs. I expected to like one more than the other, but it turned out I liked the other more. A very good reason to meet the dogs before deciding. He drove us back to our hotel so we wouldn't have to take the metro.

On the day I flew out, we arranged to meet at the airport ahead of time for me to meet them again. We settled on an arrangement and proceeded to walk the dog from one terminal to another, up and down stairs and escalators, in the midst of all sorts of noise... she behaved perfectly! She waited patiently for almost an hour while a guy did all the paperwork, doublechecking weather etc, taking my credit card to pay for her "ticket", etc. The breeder went with her down wherever they take animals and I proceeded through security.

I went to the restroom, and there was a book someone had left, titled "How to Steal A Dog"!!!! LOL Did I mention that the breeder was completely trusting me with the dog even though I hadn't brought a checkbook, and was just promising to mail him a check when I got home? It's wonderful that there are still people with whom "your word is your bond" like my daddy always said.

When I got to the gate they called my name... and told me that they couldn't take the dog after all, due to weather! After that guy had checked and doublechecked etc... it took awhile for them to understand that I still wanted to get on the plane even without "my" dog, and that the breeder still had possession of the dog and she wasn't just being abandoned at the airport (he was on the cell phone with me all this time).

So I returned home sans dog after all. Kids were disappointed. But we are working out the details for her to be shipped, probably tomorrow! YAY!!!!!!

So, how does one go about posting pics for people to see? Do I post them on a photobucket site or something, and provide the link?

Hi ears,

I don't know Brenda1's thread and couldn't find it. Could you provide a link? I found the posts on CFIO's thread about windshields, very interesting. Are you saying I need to give DH SF more often? Cus I'm willing to do that, the last couple of times he's been the one who's declined due to being tired. Maybe I need to read that thread more carefully, I just glanced at it yesterday.

I am totally wanting to spend more time in RC and UA. I am *not* the reason we don't do more of that. Well, except for being gone this past weekend. But while I was gone, I was thinking about how much *I* need more RC... and how I might could facilitate that... I welcome suggestions.

Are you saying this because I'm getting a dog? Do you think that will make it less likely that we will have time to spend together? Cus right now that isn't what is preventing the RC and UA. He works on the computer every evening. I therefore go online to talk, on MB etc, since he's on the computer and not interacting with me anyway. Last night just to be sure, after I finished reading the kids to sleep, I asked him if he was working and he said yes. I asked him if he wanted to talk about anything, he said no. I asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone to work, he said something like, "I don't care" or "it doesn't matter" or "maybe" or something. I asked if he would talk to me if I stayed in the room rather than go into the bedroom, and he said prolly not, that he was working. So I went on to bed. That's what happens most evenings. Not sure what that has to do with getting a dog.

Are you saying this just because you have problems with Lily? Because I talk about lots of things on my thread... skiing, Boy Scouts activities, trips... but why did me saying I'm finally getting a dog bring on the comment about making sure I get in 15 hours of UA in addition to 15 hours of FC, when DH is so reluctant to spend time in UA?

I can't remember which parts I've posted here and which parts I may have just said over emails to certain ppl... but shortly before I left I asked DH again when he would be free so I could set up another phone call with Steve. It's been several weeks due to scheduling conflicts. DH said he wasn't going to do that any more. This in spite of the fact that Steve thought it had gone well with him. So I'm not sure whether to set up a call at a time when DH will be around just in case, or at a time when he won't be, so I can talk more in private and at a time not quite so early (although I seem to be up at this time today).

One "plan" I did come up with though, is to dwell more on the things I appreciate about DH. I mentioned some on another thread, and was gonna look for that thread where we praise our spouses, but I was busy all day yesterday.

One thing: DH has been the one who has picked up the kids from school for 4 days in a row: Thursday and Friday cus I was traveling, and on Monday cus I was in a meeting that was running late, and on Tuesday cus of my night class. He even volunteered Monday night, and called to check to see if he needed to pick them up instead of me. So that sorta makes up for me having to be the one worried about that most of the time.

When he needed to make arrangements for someone to watch the kids briefly while I was away... the arrangements he made were for them to play with some dogs of a woman he works with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His idea, not mine!!!!!

Congratulations!

It's on GQII, but probably not worth looking for, because the poster posted once and never came back. It's not what you were posting about, I guess I was just thinking about you regardless


I wasn't trying to say that you should give him SF more often. I was trying to say that I thought that was a great metaphor, how in general we can come to rely on one thing to "reset" us. I didn't know if that was the case for you. If you and your H were looking to this move you made to rest things in the home. And asking if now you are looking to a dog to reset things in the home. For example, like do you see that as solving the problem of your H ignoring you when there's a man with a flashlight at the window. I think you had said that at one point.


Jayne, I think that you are 50% of the reason, and your DH is 50% of the reason. If he's still in withdrawal, doesn't want to seek out time with you alone yet, well then SOMEONE is going to have to facilitate that, like finding a sitter and all. Whether it's easy or hard. Or it's not likely to happen jayne. Your choice to own.



I'm saying this because I strongly think that you have what it takes to put the effort into planning time with your DH, and then going ahead with those activities whether he shows up or not. The same with FC time. You are making this happen, like the skiing weekend. You can build on this success. But Valentine's Day, you didn't put in the effort, because you thought your H should do it. And you built on your Wall of resentment instead of on your marriage that day.

Those are you messages, let me try again. When I hear how you find time to meet with the dog guy, but not with Steve, I feel regret. When you light up and find so much joy in the dog search, but don't describe your family weekends that way, too, I feel sad. Spending time with you jayne, I have a lot of hope in you being one of the success stories, for you and your kids and your H and as inspiration to the rest of us. Don't you want to choose today to act as if your H is worth believing in again? To get your plan together, and choose something today that you want to do to improve your experience in your marriage. Maybe to plan breakfast with your H, after the kids are off from school. I don't know your schedule. When do you think would be a good time to plan some special time?


I think that your choice of focus makes it less likely that you will have time to spend together.


Jayne, this is an issue, isn't it? Are you two working towards solutions?



If I have problems with Lily, does that alone invalidate what I am trying to say to you? You are still pointing the finger, oh, it's all him. He's not enthusiastic about UA time. Are you saying that you think a marraige without UA time is sustainable, as long as the careers it supports are worth it? Because I don't think that's true for you, but if it is, then I'll stand corrected.


Jayne, I think I've been consistent all along. RC and FC time playing together.



And that's wonderful, jayne, to see you choosing your focus like that. But what about some action, too? What does this weekend look like? What would make you enthusiastic abut planning a date night, sitter and all? Because you both are plenty willing to find a sitter when it's for work meetings and business travel.