Here's the thing, CJ, your wife can do whatever she wants. She has control of herself. It is your choice as to what YOU will live with and allow in your life. It's all about your boundaries.

It's not SPYING if there is nothing to hide. It's called ACCOUNTABILITY. If your WW is not interested in being held accountable, and you are, there is a conflict of boundaries here. It's up to YOU where YOU go from here.

I vote Plan B; super dark. She must leave and you keep the kids at home.

You say that Plan B won't help you, and in that respect you are sadly mistaken. You will have the opportunity to see more clearly how much crap you are taking from your WW, and better understand what true enforcement of boundaries really is. Hint hint...Plan B is a boundary enforcement.

Again, your wife can do whatever she wishes, living however she wishes. It's up to you what is acceptable in your life. In some cases, yes, that leads to a D. In some cases, that is the best thing for the BS. If your WW chooses, on her own, to live a life condusive to marriage, to O&H, to EPs and meeting EN's, then you will be recovering.

You are busy listening to her, and not paying attention to what she's doing. When a WS feels as if they are being MADE to do something against their will (as if they have no control of their life/choices anymore), I have come to find they are not truly committed to recovery, to change. They are acting like children. I've noticed the WS's who are truly committed see the actions of O&H and EP's as PROTECTION for their spouses, and not as punishment, and are happy to comply.