SD:

Sorry about the job loss.

It has been a tough three years for you.

Looking in THAT rear view mirror isn't really necessary anymore is it?

The only thing that matters is that you will have your children going forward.

A new job will be obtained. More money, less money, More thinking, less thinking, it doesn't matter.

Some modification to life will occur. Living standards will change, etc.

Your healthy. Your kids are in good shape (I know, NOT as good as they could be..) You have a cushion that can support you for a year or so, maybe longer if you tighten the belt a little more.

Imagine how much fun this summer can be. Your kids DO NOT have to go to day care. Sure, SCQ can pick them up at whatever designated location you end up with. It will be a summer that they, and YOU will remember for the rest of your lives.

Sure, you do a job search, you just can't "start" the job until September.

Think about it.

LG

Oh, man!!! I'm so jealous!!!


What a great idea.


Fox

PSUBIKER, thanks for posting. Always good to hear from someone who gets the Pharma thing. I'll check up on your thread when I get a chance--I find that I only occasionally get off the Amigo threads (including Bugs, James, Fox) these days.

I saw the Red Baron posting on Chrisner's thread and haven't figured out your old identity yet, but I'm sure it will come to me. Thanks for stopping in.

Nice perspective, as always, LG. No, it really isn't. Some of it is about making sense out of why I don't feel bad. Realizing how how big a drag my job had become and why. What to look for in a new gig and how to go about searching.

I'm definitely planning to take my time. I enjoyed some of that yesterday--they told us we could take the day off, so I spent it at the school. Volunteered in DD5's kindergarten class in the morning, watched the school assembly, administered the lunchtime dodgeball game for DS9 and others, and hung around for the big Gold Rush Days festivities. All great.

The Red Rubies had our first game this morning. I thought it would get rained out, but it turned out to be bright and sunny and not too cold. Lots of fun, and the girls did really well. We don't keep score, the girls advance one base at a time, and everyone bats in the inning such that the last batter runs all the bases and scores.

The other team had a few girls who had played before (unlike our team), and they actually got a few of us out in the first inning. No crying, though. On the last play of the game, their last hitter hit it up the middle. Our pitcher made a great stop, turned and made a perfect throw to the first baseman, who was actually covering first base, and the ball landed right in her glove. It would have been an out if it hadn't been the last batter. Instant elation.

Then it was time for cheering and cupcakes. Now spending the rest of the weekend goofing off.

Hope everyone else's is also great.

SDGuy - HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry you got laid off, but it might turn out to be good in the end. Most people work for many companies in their lives. Expect to have about 7 employers in your life.

I will pray for you to find a job that will challenge you.

We were married to very similar exes. Hope that helps.

I'm glad to see you're coaching. Those kinds of activities help build you up over time where you will once again accept the new normal for you and be happy.

3 years on and I'm happy. So much so that my blood pressure has dropped to nearly normal levels. Kind of weird how it happened almost overnight.

Time will pass and you'll get better and better. I'll admit, however, that I didn't have to deal with an OM. I would likely still be very angry if that was the case. Can't see how I would have gotten past that.

Got it.

Glad to hear that. For me, it would be a sudden reduction in shoulder tension, I think. Awareness of shoulder tension was a new year's resolution, but it's been a challenging one so far.

I think that this is definitely true. I talked some about how things have been in this job, but going forward will be even worse. There will be more and more cutbacks. My division has left only a token presence at this satellite site without much to do, and it's only a matter of time before it gets eliminated. Maybe the site, too. On top of all of that, the severance packages will be worse going forward, so this is definitely the time for me to go.

It was pretty relaxing weekend, all things considered. Doing some stuff that was fun (starting with the softball game) and just being. Letting thoughts and feelings come and go.

After the game on Saturday, I told the girl who made our great play that it was "the play of the game." She didn't seem particularly impressed, but after I sent out a team email this morning, her mom responded immediately that her daughter had told anyone who would listen all weekend that her coach told her she had made the play of the game. Awesome.

Anger at the SCQ comes and goes. Anxiety that POSOM will show up at a softball game; things I would say to him; things that I want the SCQ to understand. They come and go. Mostly go. It tells me I am healing rather than healed.

Wondering occasionally about how and whether to talk to the kids about POSOM. Should I tell them what an evil [censored] POSOM is? Which is more important--not undermining their relationship with their mother, or teaching them that there are bad people in the world and that I expect them not to become one.

Musing on the fact that first I was discarded as a husband and now have been discarded professionally. I have a healthy enough sense of self-worth that I don't think about it that way, but one could, I suppose. I think more in terms of new opportunities.

SD,

Sorry to hear about the job, but life has a way of pointing you in a direction that you had not considered before. That's how I ended up a business owner. After my 3rd downsize in technology, I decided that I would be in charge of my own fate.

I hope to have more time to catch up later.

I'd like to franchise. Interested in being the first west coast franchisee?

Right there with you on the healing rather than healed part. I think I get more frustrated with myself for wasting time thinking about them. One of the reasons I really haven't been 'active' much. Been reading.. just not posting a whole lot.. not much to update on my end anyhow, just day to day livin.

As for what's more important, my very humble opinion is that both are equally important, and if you step back from the situation you'll see plenty of other examples you can use other than POSOM to illustrate the example of what you don't want your kids to become.. heck, just turn on a TV, you'll find plenty of em.

Stay strong bro, you're sounding healthy.. just don't let yourself get into a rut of dwelling on her and just deal with your thing now that you'll have all this time on your hands.

SDG,

I lost the job I had before and ended up with a much better one. Granted, it would be scary in today's economy, but the opportunities are out there depending on what you do. How are things looking on the work front?

Yes, chin up........

Hope you are putting out resumes and talking with headhunters now.

The gov is always hiring. Check out: https://chart.donhr.navy.mil/

If you can figure out something you can do, you can put a resume on the site and they will notify you if they have an opening. You never even have to leave home. It is good to copy and paste right out of the job description because a computer reads the resumes.

I hope have started looking now. Don't wait until your severance runs low.

Or you could continue your education. Might be able to get financial help as a displaced employee.

That's cool!

However once you have done this youth coaching gig for a while you will have a parent come forward who will tell you you should spread all praise evenly. Because they are all smarter than us coaches. They never volunteer to do anything but they are very smart. I love the "let's all rise up to our weakest player" thing. Building a nation of village idiots one kid at a time.

You want to borrow Chuck? She could pass for a 5 year old maybe. She was a starter for our school's varsity softball team this year too. That's really her game. Basketball is just for fun. She plays second base and from what I hear is amazing. What a shock.

Hang in there SD.

Oh yeah, we praise all of them. We praise how hard they ran to first base, that they picked up ground balls and threw them somewhere in the vicinity of first base. I'll keep doing that and making sure that all of the girls have a good time playing. I like the teaching and having fun aspect of this. When it starts to become competitive and you have to deal with upset parents, then I'm pretty sure I'm getting out.

Thanks for that, B. My official last day isn't until March (Friday the 13th!), and even then I have a two-month notification period where I'm still an employee before the severance kicks in. I really can't complain. Plus, after my last day I get access to employment placement help, so I'm kind of waiting around for that to update my resume and the like. I'm going to take a look at the gov site.

Don't worry, though. I'm cognisant of the ant and the grasshopper and won't do too much grasshopping before starting to think like an ant again.

There is a continuing education benefit--I can take a class and the company will pay for it. I think I want to do this but haven't figured out what to do yet. I already have a PhD in organic chemistry. Maybe a lion-taming class. Or massage therapy classes.

Maybe I'll study to be an MFT. Open up an office. Hang a shovel on the wall.

How's about that update?


Fox

Thanks, Fox.

My parents are just wrapping up their annual stay in San Diego. My brother and his family were here visiting for a week, and that was great. And then my best friends from Colorado were here visiting for a week, and that was great. I took some vacation time to get out of the mausoleum, and that was great.

Now I'm back in the mausoleum for another week, but I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'm slowly cleaning my office, reminiscing over the good stuff, setting aside a burn pile for the particularly annoying corporate crap I endured. I think I'm in a better place than many of my colleagues because I already have experience at having massive unwanted life changes forced upon me.

It's not all great--I go through occasional periods of anxiety. I think one of them manifested itself as intense anger at the SCQ about a week ago, and it seemed strange because she's been mostly benign for the last month or more. Or maybe it was having friends around and still feeling the wrongness of divorce.

That's one I still have lots of trouble with--getting over anger about the divorce and the fact that it's wrong. I accept it, but I'm still angry about it because it's wrong. Gotta let go of it. That will get easier as I embrace what Life has to offer me now. Of course, that hasn't been easy for the past couple of months with the crappy work environment and getting laid off, but that's going to get better, too.

Over the weekend, our school had a fund raiser, and I had a chance to talk with some friends I had kind of lost track of. Their daughter was in the same kindergarten and first grade class as DS9. They shared a crush in 1st grade, so we parents would chat about it occasionally around the school.

Then life intervened. While I was dealing with infidelity, their son (2 years younger than DS9) was being diagnosed with cancer. The school rallied around him--he was a remarkable, joyous kid with a terrific attitude. He lost his battle last August. I was so mired in my own crap I didn't even find out for a while, and then I hadn't had an opportunity to really talk with them, but I did on Saturday. It felt good.

I was reminded by something LilSis said when contemplating her new relationship: "Sure, he's had breakups, but he doesn't really know pain." That stuck with me. It was something I had in common with these parents--we know pain. I told them as much without trying to equate my pain to theirs (reading their blog brings tears to my eyes even today), and we spent a long time talking about stuff.

Really nice people. Trying to deal with this tremendous loss as best they can. I hope to see more of them.

The softball season continues--the Red Rubies had our most recent game on the big softball field with the bleachers and an announcer and everything. It was pretty cool. The girls are playing well and recorded a few outs. Less playing with dirt and more paying attention overall. Unlike the week before, when the discovery of a ladybug in the outfield (by DD5, no less) caused several players to completely forget about the game. It's all good.

Hope you will check out the site. Just put in the city you want to work in, and you will see all the jobs available. By the way, they are looking for a chemist. Who knows what you would be doing, but it might be something different.

Hey, SDGuy:
Just wanted to thank you for checking in on my thread and offering such sound advice. It's just what I needed to hear at that moment.

And I feel bad that I'm just hearing about you being laid off. Sorry about that.

I'll say a prayer for you and your family. Keep up the positive attitude. And thanks for continuing to help others. You will be rewarded -- trust me!

Hi Sd, was just stopping in to say hi and thanks for dropping in on my thread! I really like the advice that you are giving FOX about guys...being that I'm trying to figure that all out myself, as I mentioned on BUGS thread.

You are a valuable asset my friend!

I'm sorry to hear about the struggle of those parents.

Hi SD.

Thanks for the update. It's true. Being in crisis mode doesn't leave much room 'to be there' for others in crisis. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like the pain of the loss of a child. I am sure they appreciated your support.

What has made the news around here these days is the death of two children, a little boy of 5 and a little girl of 3. Their parents, two doctors, were apparently separating. Their dad is being accused for committing the crime while left in his care, and then trying to take his own life, but has survived. I am trying to think....in what place was he to be able to committ such a thing? What's ahead for both parents? I just shudder at the depth of pain the loss of these two innocent lives has created in so many lives....

Sorry for the t/j, SD. I know I am not being much help to you. At this moment, just having trouble accepting what seems to be senseless 'destruction' as being part of life...

SD,

You WILL land on your feet. You'll see. One year from today, we will see where you are, and I know you'll be looking back at today and wondering why it was so bad.

Haven't had much time to post, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

SD - he was in a place where all he could see was depression and despair and darkness and desperation. He hated to see those children's lives torn apart. I imagine he wanted them released from the situation and he wanted to be released from the situation. I suppose it's a form of insanity.

Truth is, I can understand that. There were times when I wanted out....wanted the children out...couldn't/wouldn't hurt them or myself but I was desperate for some reasonable form of freedom.

But, unlike this man, I knew God was there for me. He might not rescue me from the crisis through which I was living but HE would get me through it. I imagine this man did not have that ace in his pocket.