If she's on the pill, who's to say he knew or planned it? It may have been her way of trapping him.

Rusty,

I'm not sure. When I exposed to her then H, he told me they had tried to get pregnant, but she had a lot of problems. That they went to a Dr. and he told her the only way for her to have a baby was in vitro. And that she was on the pill for all her ovary issues.

Now I have no idea if she went off the pill, had IVF, if it was an accident etc. I know ExH was VERY careful we never had accidents, so I have no idea.

I guess I am more shocked than anything that he would agree to such a huge thing as having a baby at his age after being so adamant about his reasons not to, with me.

Sounds like a really weird fog. Maybe their way of expressing thei infatuation for each other

Not sure. I think it might be too that they are trying to justify the A to people, saying... see we really loved each other enough to leave our spouses, get married and have a baby together...

Cat

My FWH kinda did the same thing. He never really was into having kids. We have two because I wanted to. I don't think I could have talked him into a third. Well OW "supposedly" wanted kids and they had talked about it. This blew me away.

I think if he had left for her, he would have gone along with the baby thing just to meet that need of hers so he could keep getting his fix. KWIM? The WS does whatever they have to, to get that fix.

But guess what...

If a baby was something your WH REALLY did not want, it's not going to take long for reality to come crashing down on his fantasy. Suddenly a baby's cry will cause problems because it's a sacrifice for him. He didn't really want another child and he did it anyway.

I don't see this as a beautiful bonding event for WH and OW. I see this as a huge obstacle that will interfere with your WH's fantasy. It's the major nail in the coffin. And the poor child will suffer.

Karma in the form of my attorney, for starters.

He is now riding both of their asses and will hammer Slag into the ground in less than 3 weeks for OWH.

Meanwhile, Gray is a miserable wretch who can't get through the day without massive doses of alcohol and pills...his health is failing because he would never take care of himself, no matter how hard I tried to help him.

He b&m's constantly on his idiotic blog. It is quite a source of amusement to me, although it really ticks off a lot of people here, my Mom, the kids & Shiny.

He is trying to get to me, it is so obvious!! But he can't. Buttons have been moved and he has NO idea where they are now so he cannot push them at all.

I decided to purge him from my soul and that was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Because I started out wanting to save our marriage, really. But his ugliness just kept growing and that was it for me. I was in Plan B at the time.

But I can SEE how miserable he is because of the blog. Not that I care, either. It's only monitored for legal reasons.

You should purge yours from your soul. It would be a lot healthier for you. Don't spend the rest of your life wallowing in their [censored].

Charlotte

Michele,

That is why I guess this news shocked me. As I said I wanted more kids and he did the...when I'm in my 50's I want to be able to travel and not have to worry about toddlers etc. etc. After awhile I guess I bought into that too. Now that my kids are older, I can relate to that. I love my kids to death, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel where soon I can do my own thing without having to shuttle DS here or worry about a babysitter etc. He's starting from square one at his age, and that is what blows me away.

She's much younger and this is her first, so of course she will be excited. I'm not sure how enthusiastic ExH will be with it all. Been there, done that for him.

But as I said, I think he is doing it all just to keep her happy. Someone told me they were at his home and ExH was praising her for how she had vacuumed the carpet, how it looked so good! I was lucky if I got a... you look good, once a year!

So that's the type of M they have...

I would have thought ExH was smarter than that to give in to having a baby. It's not it's a fish that will die in a year.

They've been together now 3 years. I would have thought the fantasy of it all would have worn off.

Depends...she's a lot younger than he is, maybe that's part of his fantasy. Ya know, reliving his youth. He can go on and on with the AM and his fantasy is still in tact. But then you throw a baby into the mix and the fantasy gets a HARD dose of reality. He has to start over and he didn't WANT to do that and I betcha he really doesn't want to do it now.

Honestly, it won't be long before he starts wanting the freedom that you have...

Use this as motivation.

Ahhh...freedom has LOTS of benefits.

Also, with an OC, he will be tied to OW forever. You might just want to put all this behind you as best you can.

ok catgirl.....

I feel you hun...i had this big plan for my life....I wanted to have my children by the time I was 30....

unfortunatly life didn't pan out that way....XH made me wait until I was 25 to have our first child....and a year later he was gone. Prepairing his new life.

He had a Betty crocker ready made family from his OW who came with her son in tow. Not 4 months after our divorce was final they married. He now has (in his own words) 2 sons ours and his step son.

Luckily they cannot damn this world with anymore spawn (she can't have anymore kids). But I will admit it was a fear of mine....and yes it's natural. But at some point you need to drag your [censored] up and get out.

If you feel those feeling coming up....I want you to get up...and say kids we are going for a walk....and litteraly walk around the block....while you do this watch your childrens antics and goof with them.

I don't know how many laps DS and I did around the mall....but is very theraputic...I smiled at people and made new friends. I breathed the fresh air. I got that wonderful Vitamin D that helps also elevate your spirit.

WHile it wasn't fair he had the little perfect life (on the outside)...it really wasn't that way on the inside. There house is always messy and WH always looked like the walking dead for visitations.

You make think your suffering....but look at the people who persaveered through time.... one big example Jesus....I am by no means a religion nut but I ca relate the meaning.

If i did it with one child and am on my way to being married....and my sister did it with 3 (yes 3 kids 2 of which are twins) she birthed the twins and raised them there first 2 years of life and then her now husband and her reunited and are married. I know you can survive this.

All this crying over what might have been will only bring on a strong depression....and your kids don't need mommy to be like that. Find alternatives and BE and active family...bike rides, walks, rolls down the hill at the park, wrestling, it all helps alot.

Catgirl,

I respect your need to vent your deep pain, frustrations, and grievous sense of injustice. See, I can relate to these in a way few BSs here can. My xWW secretly cheated with a 17-yr older OM on his 3rd marriage (each one ending with his infidelity), broke up his M, ended her own to me, and affair-married OM as soon as the "ink was dry". They have been M a little over a year now and have been "together" in some fashion for 2.5+ yrs. The Jerry Springer-esque details of her/his betrayals, his sordid past, and their subsequent blended-family/procreation failures could fill many pages. Of course, all along and since there have been the usual reams of lies, denials, manipulations, rationalizations, scapegoating, blame-shifting, lack of remorse, and avoidance of personal responsibility to boot. BELIEVE ME when I say genuinely that I can "feel your pain" and know your thirst for "revenge" and a "righting of the wrongs" done to us both. My xWW still stubbornly clings to the facade of victimhood and justification while believing and utilizing massive and false scapegoating of both xBSs in vicious defense of the indefensible.

I KNOW IT ALL! BTDT....

It USED to bother me, hurt me, and rip my soul to shreds at every turn. I know this sounds trite and "easier said than done", but wallowing in your understandable resentment, anger, self-pity, and quest for vengeance will destroy you if you let it. It is akin to giving the evil-doers perpetual rent-free permision to occupy and mess with your head. You want your "old husband" back as I wanted my "old wife" back for a long time. Neither of those 2 personages exist anymore, by their own choices, and neither of the 2 who took their places are worth having or pining away for in the least. We are both far better off without them or their back-stabbing dishonor infecting even a single day of either of our futures. We are both BETTER than all of that garbage.

Here is what I can say about the xWSs and the AMs: The vast majority (>90%) of AMs fail eventually. The vast majority of xWSs come to regret their actions. The vast majority of xBSs go on to have better lives than those chosen by their former-betrayers. The vast majority of affairees, married or not, end up LESS happy than they were pre-divorce. Don't dwell on the "how?" and "when?"...leave all that divine justice/karma/reap-what-you-sow stuff to where it belongs--with GOD. His will, His way, and in His time...He will deal with them as He knows and sees all that which they deny, conceal, and whitewash. If you LET GO, the badness can't control you anymore...

About You: Like you, I despise the simplistic and almost patronizing expression of "just move on" advice, no matter how well-intentioned. But move AHEAD you must for YOU. Find new hobbies, indulge new interests, make new plans & goals, take on new projects. Do not seek info about "them" and tell all potential grapevine sources that you don't care and don't want to hear anything. You will gradually grow stronger, freer, happier, and more confident. Others will notice and you will attract new friends and possibly new romantic interests when ready. (A side benefit is that word will leak back to "them" that you are happily disinterested in their sordid little spectacle thus removing one more "bond" they shared, but this is not your primary purpose here.)

I had to go through a period of intense hatred (sorry to say) for my xWW followed by complete loss of respect for her followed eventually by indifference and apathy. It took many months, but it is worth it. The pain subsides when you become emotionally detached...they can't hurt you any longer no matter what they do at that point. You will get there, trust me...

God bless, Cat.

Cat, this is so true. Hon, I understand your feelings. I wanted another child so badly, especially after our youngest became disabled after an illness. My H did not want any more children. He has never been a real hands on dad and he doesn't like the responsibility that comes with children. He gets so scared of something happening to them. Our DS was his biggest nightmare come true (though he loves him very much).

So when OW got pregnant, I was devastated and ANGRY! She got what I so desperately wanted! The interloper in MY MARRIAGE who already had 4 kids, 3 of which she didn't even have custody of! To add insult to injury, she got the healthy son I couldn't give my H. OC is 4 now. It took me until recently to stop being resentful of the cards I was given. It took me a long time to stop questioning God on how He could let this happen. I can't imagine how I would have felt if we had D'd and he had gone off to be a "happy" family with the ho.

But just as I told another poster with a stbxh who now has an OC, it is a rough gig to have an OC in your life. You will see this differently down the road. You will eventually see you got another chance in life instead of constantly worrying about what or who your WxH is doing/seeing.

Grieve the loss and move on. (((catgirl)))

I agree. A baby in the mix now definitely changes things. However I don't look at it as an OC. I mean they are married, so it is his kid with his wife. I just feel bad that my kids have to be related to a ho's baby. I know that sounds harsh, but it's how I feel...

Affair M=OC

The M will not work out and he will forever be tied to her and come to regret it. OC is not a stab at the kid who had no choice in the matter. It is what it is.

Rusty,

Guess I never looked at it that way. Whenever I hear OC, I think a child of an A. Not a child of an affair marriage.

Honestly I am at the point where I just want his M to fail. Not because I want him back, but to cause him pain.

However, I do think that he will put up with it no matter what, so he does not have to face people and say he messed up. He has too much pride for that.

I thought he was smarter than that to even have another baby at his age, but again I think it is justification to everyone saying... see we are in love, it wasn't just a fantasy A, we didn't break up 2 marriages for nothing etc. etc.

So many people told me that A would never last. Most end in 2 yrs. and with their age difference, it was doomed. Well it did last. Then people said they'd never marry and if they did, it wouldn't last. Well, looky here, it's lasted with a kid on the way!

Do you think even if he was unhappy he'd divorce her now? That would just prove that it was a fantasy A, and he'd have egg on his face. As I said I think I know him fairly well, and he'd never want anyone to say... told ya so!

I think he's in it for the long haul...

It will end one day.

I pray you are right, but I'm not so sure. When I first found out about the A, I counseled with Dr. Harley over the phone. He even said the A wouldn't last. It did...

I hate to say it, but I am a vengeful person. Someone screws me, I want them to pay. That's all I want. To have him feel the pain I've felt for the past 3 years.

I do know of one couple. Man left his wife and 5 kids, for a much younger woman. I want to say like 20 years younger. They had 2 kids of their own, who are now in their 20's. They've been M'd 27 years. So it lasted for them!

The statistics reveal that, what, 10% of all A mariages survive? While the odds are against it it is not unheard of.

Forgive me, but I believe that's a very LOW estimate. I wouldn't hang my hat on 10%. No way, Freddo!!

Charlotte