Glad you are getting some help at your job especially if it affects your employeement. BUT you should not have toldemployee assistance C about your plans to turn in H and OW. That should go only to HR. You need to look at your ethics/compliance rules at work. Does OW work directly for H? Then it should be a direct violation of company policy. Also tell them you feel you are under a "hostile work enviorment" because of their actions. You are not the unstable one -- they are are.


Good that you are doing that till you feel stronger.


Because of your fragile state with WH, you should temporarily go "dark" with him till you feel stronger. No e-mails, texts anything. Right now you get too sucked in every time you speak with him. Do not apoligize, do not find excuses to talk to him. Just be silent till you pull yourself together. take care

RN:

I would avoid the hospital and its "plans" for your meds for the future.

You come in the office, state that your WH and OW are having an A, that your feeling crazy, and all out of sorts and blah, blah, blah....

And that you going to the administration to turn them in....

And the person, (who is part of the administration, and is beholden to the administration, and has no ethical requirement to keep your treatment quiet: Put you on Meds and maybe wants you to go to the psych ward.

They then walk out of the room, go to your WH and OW and ask them what is going on? And WH, with clear lucidity, states that RN was been acting really wierd for a while, yes, I have bought a condo, but that's because "I am moving on, the marriage was over long ago, blah, blah, blah...."

Oh, well that explains the meds I gave her today, she really is crazy....

So.

Your WH NOW knows you are going to try and talk up his chain of administation.
Your WH NOW knows that you have been prescribed meds and may even been referred to the psych ward....
Your reputation as "unstable" that the WH has been spreading has been confirmed, by people without any irons in the fire...
Your WH NOW knows that he has the upper hand.

RN: YOUR A MESS.

Understandably SO. But PLEASE, relax. Do not go to that psychitrist at the hospital. It will ONLY BE USED AGAINST YOU.

Do NOT fill the prescription.

Should you see a psychtrist? Sure, BUT COMPLETEY OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL SYSTEM YOU WORK AT.

IT WILL BE COMMON KNOWLEDGE, IT WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU.

Personally, I think an hour of tw with Dr Jennifer would do you MORE good than any psychitrist. Dr. Jennifer's job is to save marriages, the psychitrist's job is to blame your mother....

YOU CAN DO THIS.

YOU HAVE DONE HARDER THINGS.

Relax. Reread your thread. Start to get MAD.

But pull it together.

LG

LG -

GREAT advice.

The hospital will protect itself, and most of the employees out of loyalty will close ranks.

That is exactly what happened to me. Meanwhile I am the "disgruntled employee" while my boss continues stealing millions of dollars.

Oh, but there is protection for the worker. But everyone forgot to mention that it will cost $60,000. to hire an attorney.

Lousy Golfer,
I do agree that maybe RN should go to another therapist instead of work pysch. I do think she is having a crisis that she is having trouble with and maybe does need meds to get through this rough spot but prescribed by her own doctor.

RN, did EA counselor come to you with concerns or did you go to her volunteerily?

If they approached you first -- who had the concerns? boss? coworkers? possible H???? (with thoughts of making you look bad?)

If you went to them on your own - was it truly to get help for YOURSELF or in hopes it would drum up some sympathy with your H if he heard you were seeing the EA C? If that is the case - stop immediately. Go see your own doctor but only for yourself. Need to stop playing the victim card. Your H is in a fog and is an alien right now and all you are doing is convincing him that he did the right thing. :twobyfour:

I am saying this because at the beginning, I did so many mistakes that I regret - -guilt, beg, plead, write letters, show pictures -- all bad. All it did was distance my H from me more

Please listen to these vets

Reading back, I think she is at the shrink's today.

I really hope the meds will help her help herself.

The reason I was sent to this particular doctor was because the employee assistance counsellor was looking on the computer trying to find someone to send me to. I happened to mention that I had taken my son to this particular doctor a couple of years ago and he had really helped my son. She was familiar with this guy because he is considered very good. She said, "Well why don't we send you to him since your son goes there and you already have a relationship with their office"

My hospital is a cancer hospital and we really only have psych for people dealing with the emotional aspects of having cancer.

However, I did get the impression that she thought I was unstable when I said that about exposure. It was my idea to go on meds as I thought it might help me control emotions better which as you can see is a big problem for me right now. Lots of depression and anxiety. Hard to function. Everything reminds me of him and our life together. Thought it might make all these horrible feelings less intense.

I guess my question is how you hooked up with employee assistance?

I chuckled when you mentioned this the first time and I'm chuckling now as I read it.
I have a vivid picture in my mind of her eyes popping out of with a most somber face on.

Last year at this time, if someone would have told me that they were going to expose their H's A to EVERYONE, I too would probably have thought they were nuts, off their rocker, cuckoo ....
But when you learn about it, and understand the reason for it, it makes perfect sense.
And when you execute it, it actually works.
But it needs to be done, not in spite, but in support of your M. This needs to be clearly stated to those being exposed to.

I'm glad you were able to recognize that meds are in order. That is a big step.
Now you will be able to see the plan more clearly and act more logically and act with purpose, not emotion.

I went to employee assistance to get FMLA papers and get the situation documented. My boss told me to go there to start the process.

Okay. I get really stressed because I'm going through H#LL with the hospital where I work.

So you are going to be able to take time off work until you are feeling better?

t/j
Believer, I get the impression that you have mega stress from work b/c you did something that was morally right. I'm sorry that they don't support you or your actions. Just so you know, I am glad there are still people like you, who will do the right thing despite what others think.
end t/j

Answer to TJ - Yes, still having lots of problems at work. Luckily I am in the position to retire if things get too bad.

I probably shouldn't post to RN because it brings up all kinds of issues for me.

I just want her to watch out for herself.

I got stressed and went to the hospital doc. He and HR were the only ones who knew my diagnosis, but several of my workmates called me to let me know that everyone in the hospital knew.

So much for confidenciality.

Hi Vittoria, I agree, when i came here and people told me to expose I thought they were crazy. But they are right. I will have to look at your sitch. In middle of D but there is always hope.

The word that comes to mind starts with Bi and ends with tches.

You are probably then a very good one to post to RN, as long as you are comfortable with it.

Myself, I know absolutely nothing about how HR works.

Just to fill you in on what's going on.

Ordered the book yesterday.

Went to the shrink yesterday. Put on Lexapro. Hope it helps.

Monday night H found out that son and I were going to doctor. Asked me to call him yesterday to tell him how it went.

I did not call him and he never called me.

At 10:30 last night, got a call from my sister telling me that my son had been seen last night doing something bad and she was worried.

Immediately called H and woke him up. Told him what I was told by sister and said that our son "Is not handling this well at all. You think this isn't affecting him but it is. If our son goes down the tube because of all of this I'm going to be very upset. This is not his fault."

My H agreed and said that he had been doing a lot of thinking about that. Asked why I didn't call after doctor. Said sons visit was short - got meds renewed. Didn't think he would be that interested in my visit. Didn't really tell him much. Said why don't you just go back to sleep since I woke you up and you have to work tomorrow. He said to call him back if son not home in 30 minutes.

Changed all the locks today. There is trailer in garage which is locked and has a lot of his things in it. I'm thinking of telling him that it doesn;t leave the garage unless he allows me to do inventory and take pictures first of contents. That's going to make him mad.

Also realized that I have not been in right frame of mind for good Plan A right now so thought I would go somewhat dark for a little while = make him wonder....

Don't do things that make him mad.

Just go take your pictures and do the inventory WITHOUT warning or threatening him first.

Stop trying to make him feel guilty.

What on earth about that encounter was pleasant for him??????
Think he's ATTRACTED to you after that??????

He put a lock on the trailer so I can not get in it to take pictures. Also am really worried about son. His dad seems to be able to control behavior better that I.

Good job - the Lexapro should help you settle down and do what you need to do.

Right now, I think going dark is a good idea. Concentrate on yourself and your son. Tell him that you have a plan and for him to take care of himself.

If hubby contacts you, be very cheerful, don't talk relationship. You need to go out with son or friends and relax a bit.

Well, I went back to work yesterday. Had a horrible day today. My boss who is a friend and knows some of this said "Look, he's not coming back and you need to accept that and go on with your life." I was so depressed all day I could hardly concentrate on my job. Hope the Lexapro kicks in soon.

I called him last night just to chat. He was nice but never said anything to encourage me. Asked if he minded me calling and he said sure anytime you want.

Tonight he hasn't answered his phone. Could be several reasons.

My question is this. With him out of the home and in his condo, can I really do any kind of Plan A? Can I do it just by being friendly and nice on the phone and occasionally seeing him when he comes to get things or see my son? He said he would help my son and I finish this house project but he said he had to work this weekend and couldn't. Is he just leading me on and is planning to file for divorce soon? Would I do better writing a Plan B letter? He has not been very honest or trustworthy the last month. Still saying he just needs time away to think but he has moved so much stuff out it doesn't seem very temporary to me.

Is there a chance that the affair will eventually die out. Would it be better if he considered me a friend or no contact???