well he just left again. I don't know why he is mad at me. I said that to him. He said I guess Ill go spend another night in my car. I said well u used to leave and go to a hotel why can't you do that now? He said what and just keep paying for a hotel night after night, I said no figure out what your plans are. He says what plans? I said if you are gonna get your own place or move in with her... whatever your plans will be. He said I never said I wanted to live with her. I said not sure why your mad at me, what for not just saying its ok for u to see her everyday? I gave u a year and a half to change ur mind. He is just totally blaming me...I finally said can we just get this straight here...my husband had an affair and left me for another woman that is my world. He left...

I'm sorry for posting again, I know I am not worth any of your time. Believe it or not, even though it seems like I do everything wrong, I have really been trying to do things right. Whatever... I guess I don't know why (what is lacking in me) that makes me be able to stand up and be the bit** I need to be. Today I asked if he spoke to her...he said no, I asked did you text with her he said yes. I said did you say I Love You? he said yes. Then I still had a hard time telling him not to come home tonight! ...he says he will sleep in his car. whatever....

SI-

It's not that you aren't worthy of anyone's time-it's just that you aren't listening. What plan are you doing? Are you in Plan A?
If so, then why are you asking him R questions or grilling him on contact with the OW? If you can't have contact with him without starting to LB, then maybe it's time for Plan B.

You've been thrown off this horse, but that's okay. Get up, brush yourself off, and get back on with your plan in place.

BTW-he is mad at you and is blaming you for everything because he is wayward. When they are wayward, we (the betrayed) are Medusa, with snakes for hair and eyes that can turn mere mortals into stone. We are the cause of global warming, the economic collapse, even unsightly blemishes.

PLAN B!!!!

Worth repeating:


Are you ready to do something different, so you'll get a different result?

I haven't read all of your post but your husband is totally disrespectful to you and your marriage to be so blatant about having the affair still. This affair must end. This seems to have been going on for a long time without real improvement. Is this backsliding or has the affair never ended? Have you done a full out exposure campaign? Do your children know? Does his employer know?

Oy.

Sink -- I think asking him to move out is ENTIRELY APPROPRIATE.

Its time for him to experience life without SINK and the SINKETTES. His choice. Let him experience the consequences of HIS CHOICE.

Could I contact you off-board? I just feel like you need a friend. Email me at Lexi-MB@hotmail.com.

Lex,

This has to be one of the most frustrating threads I have read/posted on. I feel like we are pounding our heads on a brick wall. I agree that she needs some support and a friend. She's been offered plan after plan but is still moving forward planless. I hope she takes you up on your offer to get connected offsite and that you can find a way to get through to her. Best of luck!

Mindshare

I hardly come here anymore but I happened to read your thread this morning. I'm sorry for what you are going through. You have some awesome posters trying to help you but you seem stuck.

After I found out about my H's EA, but before I found out this site, I was obsessed with trying to understand how my WH could do this to me, etc. I was looking for a ton of validation. My head was spinning.

Two things happened after I found MBers. No. 1, I was able to accept that this jerk who was ripping apart my family was NOT MY HUSBAND! He was addicted to OW and not going to do things in our best interest until all contact ended with her.

Once I was able to absorb that I was able to move to No.2 which was following the PLANS here. I had made a list, had bookmarked a bunch of threads and I had to read through them several times a day to keep my focus straight and to stop obsessing about HIM and everything he said and did.

It sounds like you haven't REALLY accepted that your husband is "fogged out" and will continue to do things that are selfish and hurtful to you and your children as long as he has contact with OW. Once you can do that, I think it will be easier for you to choose a plan and stick with it...and not obsess about him&OW but rather shift your focus to yourself and how you are working your plan.

Have you begun reading up on Plan B?

Hang in there.