Hi Lindz,

I know that there is many folk against reuniting with G. I wish to be a voice of encouragement.

Overcome. Use these voices of rejection to defend your marriage in future. Marriage is important and deserves respect. You know in your heart what you have committed to the marriage now.

You know how much your husband is suffering because of your sin. He lost you as though you had died and continued to bear the pain when details were not discovered. God give you special endurance to you and G.

It is written: All hard work brings profit. (Pr 14:23) May this be true in your marriage.

So, 2-28-08 as last physical contact w/OM in your signature was a LIE???

Why, because your husband posted here?

BTW, you had sex w/OM after D-Day!?!?! If I were Goldpig22, you would have been tossed from the house!

The WW who continues sex after D-Day is the most vile creature and, in my opinion, not worth any recovery effort!!!

You know iam, I see you say this often around here, and the truth is, you are in no position to decide that for someone else...You don't even know if that is true for yourself, as that is not what you were faced with...I'm a firm believer that none of us knows what we will do until we are in that position...

For instance, your story:


I'm sure there are many that would have the opinion that YOUR WIFE wasn't worth the recovery effort, but they would be unqualified to make that decision, wouldn't they? Many would look at your situation and say, "Wow, a WW that slept with complete strangers for EIGHT YEARS of the marriage without any emotional connection would be a HUGE RISK as you could never be sure that she wouldn't see a stranger that she fancied one day and BLAM, do it again! No way is a wife like that worth any recovery effort...ick no, she is a VILE CREATURE!" But you didn't feel that way about her, and felt that she was worth the effort and now your marriage is in recovery...Apparently your wife was worth it to you...and that is wonderful...I am glad for you guys...I hope that you would be glad for others that have walked a different path than you, but ultimately came to the same decision that you did...that their wife was worth it...

Mr. W is one of those, iam...Thankfully, he saw me as "worth it", even though, YES, my affair did continue after dday...Today we have an incredible recovered marriage...

The truth is that no wayward "deserves" recovery effort, but many are blessed with awe-inspiring amounts of grace and mercy from their BSs and do go on to recover...I praise God for these recoveries...yours, mine and others...

Mrs. W

P.S. lindz...here is the link to the Personal History Questionnaire ~~~> LINK I think it would be a great idea for you to print it out and fill it in to give to your husband...

Lindz,

I want to know why you deleted your sig-line...

This was what I was talking about in the long post to you of a couple days ago. Truth can't be something fluid or dynamic. I can't change from one day to the next. The TRUTH is true at all times under all conditions and anything less is just another lie.

That's why there is even a thread asking about a polygraph...The WHOLE undiluted, unmitigated, unbridled, un-enhanced, unmodified, undirected truth is what is true.

When you tell GP anything and the story changes later, the only message he is going to hear is that you are still a liar. If you lie and swear it to be true and then tell another lie claiming it is now the truth and repeat the process a few times on the way to the truth and then finally, when backed into a corner with nowhere to run admit to the truth...nobody will believe you then either...

And yes the truth can be approximate like "Monday or maybe Tuesday", but how do you get from last contact in February to last contact in March almost a full month later and be adamant that the first number is true? You had to know it wasn't true when you said it...You can't miss by a month so close to the event and not be hiding something.

And that is why you need to do the DNA test and why you should be chafing at the bit for a polygraph and a chance to clear yourself. It isn't just the lies during the affair that lead to not being believed but the lies you tell afterward...

And you don't get to decide what is important in the way of details. GP gets to decide that. He's the one who still has to decide if he is going to be able to live with you or wants to send you away. And make no mistake, he has every right to do that...

So you had something in your sig-line that you then corrected and got called on. So FIX it with the TRUTH and let it stand instead of deleting it all together. The only explanation for that is to stop from having to get caught in another lie later.

Don't you get this idea? Your poker face is no good. You'll have to win every hand for people to not call because they think you are bluffing. ANY sign that you MIGHT be hiding additional information will be trounced.

What reason can you give GP for him to believe anything you tell him?

Mark

I don't need to be a pedophile do determine that they are vile. In the same way I don't need my spouse to cheat after D-Day to know they are vile.

If you don't like my opinion don't read it if it hits home.

What part of 'in my opinion' don't you get? Is your opinion somehow more valid than mine?

LOL, no iam, nothing you say "hits home" with me, and that is the point...Your opinion about our situation is irrelevant - doesn't change our lives in the least...the same way that our opinions about your situation are irrelevant...What I'm saying is that you can't determine who is worth recovery effort for someone else...I would hope that you would pray that all marriages that come here seeking to recover would...

What I do think we can agree on is that ALL ADULTERY is VILE...

Peace,

Mrs. W

No I don't pray that all marriages recover.

All prayer's are answered, just not always the way we think we want.

In some cases I'm sure D is the right solution. In the case of Goldpig22, who's wife cheated during the honeymoon, I'd lay odds that D will save him future pain. I'm happy your M worked out different.

I am a little confused on why you are accusing me of continuing sex after D-Day? YES, 2-28-08 for my last physical contact was a lie. I have updated my signature line to indicate that. It was posted when I originally asked the question. I am glad that you are not Goldpig22 and that he is still trying to give me a chance to prove my "worth" to be his wife.

lindz0225
WW - 31 (me)
BH - 32
A - 2/8/08 - 2/26/08
D-Day #1 - 4/21/08, D-Day #2 - 4/25/08, D-Day #3 - 3/2/09
D-Day #4 - 3/3/09

I didn't purposely delete my signature line. I actually updated it - please see original post about polygraph. I will make sure that all future posts state the correct signature line.

I am wanting to DNA test. I want to prove that goldpig22 is the father of OUR baby. If it were safe to do now, I would. I am also chomping at the bit to take the poly. I want him to see that I am not hiding anything else or lying to him about additional details. If he thinks that the poly is the way to do that, great. I will take it.

The reason I give G that he can believe things I tell him is that I haven't always been a liar. I haven't lied for 6.5 straight years. There were years where I wasn't a liar. I want to be that person again. I hope that someday he can see that I am not a liar. I was at one time but that doesn't mean that I have to be for the rest of my life.

lindz0225
WW - 31 (me)
BH - 32
A - 2/8/08 - 3/26/08
NC 4/21/08
D-Day #1 - 4/21/08, D-Day #2 - 4/25/08, D-Day #3 - 3/2/09
D-Day #4 - 3/3/09

Iam - you should be a politcian with responses like that. Is your motto do as I say not as I do?

Lindz,

But you see, it wasn't until you were called on that lie that you took action. And your first action was in fact to get rid of your sig-line. When you update it, it does not vanish, it simply updates everywhere you used it.

So now, couple that with the lie you now admit...

Can you see how this starts very quickly to turn into a really bad case for telling the truth?

This was what that long winded post a couple pages back was all about. There is only one solution to being thought a liar...Tell the turn all the time. ANY lies PROVE that you are not telling the truth. And if you can't be trusted to tell the truth GP has no reason to remain married to you.

Just so you know, I used to update my own sig-line every day or two and never did it go away unless I deleted it myself.

Mark

Mark - she has not configured a signature at all - it's just text she is adding to the end of her posts. She's not being malicious when she says it goes away - she forgets to c&p it.

Lindz - you can edit your profile so it includes a signature.

BK,
I missed the lack of a separator bar... Doh! But I know she had that info on other posts, then it was gone. Stupid assumption that it was a sig-line.

Lindz,

If you go into My Stuff/My Profile you can create a signature line that will appear on every post you have made and every one going forward unless you choose to not add it to one.

Mark

I really don't know what you mean but if I did I guess that would make me just like Melodylane and Dr. Harley who have both stated they could never follow MB!

Thank you for informing me on how to add a signature line. I never knew how. I was just adding it to the end of posts that I did. This is much better.

Nonsense. I very much use MB concepts in my marriage, and I know Dr Harley does too. I even went to a MB weekend seminar with my husband.

BigK was just pointing out the little tap dance you did when MrsW had you dead to rights. She hit the nail right on the head, iam. You have one standard for yourself and another for everyone else.

Nice try. Typical cherry picking.

I never said you don't use MB principles in your M. Frankly, how would I know?

What I spoke to was the fact that you and Dr. Harley have both indicated you could/would not participate in a Plan A yourselves but advise others to do so.

I guess that means you have one standard for yourself and another for everyone else!

I guess you like tap dancing.

huh? That doesn't make sense, iam. Plan A is not a STANDARD, it is an OPTION. A PERSONAL OPTION. For those who CHOOSE to use it. Not everyone chooses it.

I have explained this to you before and you didn't get it but I will try again.

See, Plan A is for people who want to save their marriages. Some people DO NOT want to save their marriages. In that case, Plan A would not be appropriate.

So no, Plan A is not a STANDARD, but an OPTION. Just as it is an OPTION to decide to stay in one's marriage after an affair.

Hopefully that clears the matter up for you.

Can you explain the "I am not"?

I'm curious why my giving advice other than what I did is any different than you, and how when it's me I'm "tap dancing" but, when it's you it's just advice that works even though you couldn't do it yourself?

iams, can you understand the difference between an OPTION and a STANDARD? If you can comprehend that, then you will probably have the answer to your question. Its not that I couldn't, but that I WOULDN'T. By CHOICE.

Secondly, I don't TELL PEOPLE to do or not do Plan A, that is entirely their OWN OPTION. It is my option, it is their option.

You, on the other hand, tell people their wayward spouses are WORTHLESS and to kick them to the curb when yours is one of the WORST I have ever seen on this forum. That is hypocritical, iams.

Granted, there are some cases that are so bad that it just seems common sense to get out - yours would be one in my opinion - but most of the cases you condemn are not anywhere as bad as yours. Seems hypocritical, wouldn't you agree?