iam,

You keep beating your head against that wall, and you're going to give yourself a headache.

So right. I'm sure I'll be following MEDC soon.

iams, have you been able to figure out the difference between a STANDARD and an OPTION? Can I help you out?

Why are you always so condescending when someone disagrees with you?

Why do you always resort to personal attacks when you can't defend your case?

Why do you always answer a question with a question?

***edit***

But isn't that exactly what you did when I asked if you knew the difference between a standard and an option?

Do you know the difference?

Let me ask you something, iams. What would you say if I told you that your wife was not worth the effort for recovery?

I know the definitions of both. Why don't you explain what you mean by your use of those two words in this context.


Well, you already did tell me that.

If you ASKED, I would tell you...too late we already recovered.

I already have. I am still awaiting your response.


Well, you already did tell me that.

If you ASKED, I would tell you...too late we already recovered. [/quote]

And what about somebody like goldpig who is here trying to recover his marriage? Why is it ok for you tell him his wife is not "worth it" and should be kicked to the curb? How do you reconcile the hypocrisy of such advice? Why is your wife "worth it" and his not?

I never said my wife was worth it.

It's OK for me to advise Goldpig22 to kick his honeymoon cheating wife to the curb the same as it is for someone else to advise he go Plan A. It's called an opinion.

There's no hypocrisy there, just STANDARD and OPTION. Someone tried to tell me that once.

Oh well, can say I didn't try.. TWICE.

LOL, IAM and Mel,

Reading you guys go back and forth is like watching WWF. Lots of sound and fury signifying err, not nothing…perhaps signifying something akin to bragging rights?

But square roots are much more interesting, don’t you think?

Anyway, perhaps it helps keep the trolls away. They hate to have their threads jacked.


How about a paraphrase (because I can’t remember the exact wording) of a passage from Peck’s People of the Lie:

One of the most common attributes, or indicators, of being in the presence of a Person of the Lie is their need to be seen as honest. To appear good. Appearances are almost, if not all, everything. To be seen as rational truth tellers, even when patently exposed. They are capable of both stonewalling and rationalizing their lies by any number of means including their lies being mere simplifications, mistakes or approximations but especially as being the truth if you would just look at it this way…and then they add more lies. In short, what they are doing or saying or not saying are not lies, it’s all due to the victim’s interpretations or limited understanding.

Big Lies are always better than little lies, you know. Big Lies only need to be swallowed once. But Big Lies take much practice working up from small lies. And these years of practice become habit. And the habit becomes evil personified. Which, evil personified, was one of the main points of Peck’s book - coming up with a psychology of evil. True evil is characterized to a great extent by the lies.

Aphlion,

You wrote

One of the most common attributes, or indicators, of being in the presence of a Person of the Lie is their need to be seen as honest

Supposedly if you ask a person if they are honest and they say yes, cover you wallet.

Too funny, my FIL who has 4 OC and I would guess 100 or so affair partners is consumed with his standing and image. He once walked out of a party because his daughter told him to behave honestly in his personal life and business dealings. My wife then drove to pick him up I wanted to give him a noose with 50 ft of rope so if he jumped off a bridge the water wouldn't save him.

God Bless
NJ

I can see that there is a lot of tension building on this thread. I appreciate those who have said that it is goldpig22's decision to throw me to the curb or not and no one else's and that we should not be judged for trying to recover this marriage.

What I am wondering now is if we can try and get back to why I am here... to get advice from you on what I can do to help save, heal, recover my marriage. I know that I have lied to all of you for the last 6 weeks and many of you do not see me as worthy of helping. I understand that. But I am turning to you for help. Since last week and the last, dreaded 13 things came out that I had been hiding and lying about we have talked and "rehashed" every bit of the affair. I expect that because it is like we are starting over. What we have done differently this time is H has written down all of his questions and we have gone over them together. Do you think this is a good idea and did this method help any of you? Also, should you limit the time that A is talked about so A talk doesn't run your life? I had read a while back that many do that and I am wondering what you think?

lindz0225

Hi Lindz...

Did you by chance click the link to the Personal History Questionnaire that I provided for you a P.S. on this thread? If so, did you print it out, fill it in and give it to goldpig? I really think that would be a great thing to do...

As far as how much you talk about the affair goes, I'd say let your BS be your guide...You must adopt the attitude of "whatever it takes for as long as it takes"...

Mrs. W

iam

Nothing is mandatory. One does not have to do a plan A, B, or, D.

They can ignore advice. They can chose to be ruled by fear. They can refuse to expose. They can refuse to come back here when they don't like what they hear.

They can sit and cry in their beer.

Also there have been many a case that could go either way. As with goldpig. Those need to be encouraged. At least his WW is here taking her 2x4's. And she is pregnant with what might be goldpigs child. To tear apart this childs family at this time is putting the cart in front of the horse.

Lindz,

Each and every time a new lie or omission comes out it IS like starting all over again at D-Day. You have been doing this for nearly a year now. Get it all out and start working on what your BH needs instead of figuring out how little you can divulge and still beat the polygraph.

Certainly, limit the A conversation. Less likely you would get caught in another lie.

AM

Mrs. W,

I did go to the personal history questionnaire and I do plan on printing it out on monday and filling it out for him. I too think that will be a great thing for BH, and probably for me too.

Thanks for the advice about letting BH be the guide. I have been selfish and said that I would do "whatever it took" but didn't fully adopt that into action.

lindz0225