Dazed,

Just caught up on your thread, and I am amazed by your cool-headedness...AND your sense of humor!

I think it makes a HUGE difference if the BW can actually SEE the OW. (Helped me loads--ours was a real woofer, and that often--oddly--seems the case.) But just as important is the fact that she is showing your H what a nut job she is. Playing right into your hands, really, and too stupid to know it. She's actually HELPING you de-fog your H! LOL

She'll let up eventually, but in the meantime, get working together on SAA, His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters. If you can afford it, see if you can do the MB weekend. It's a real jump start into the recovery PLAN. You need to work this program to sort everything out and affair-proof your marriage. They'll help you do it for as long as it takes after the weekend. WAY cheaper than marriage counseling in the end.

Kudos for keeping your cool (mostly anyway...apparently you hung onto it enough).


Right Here Waiting

IMHO - there is no way this stopped at an EA. Sorry to say, but this OW is so entitled, I would bet big bucks that there is more.

I think you have a gut feeling of this, too. But in quite a few instances, it does take the WS weeks, months to spill.
It is very cruel to the BS, tho. I don't think WS realize- they think they are making it easier.

Unless you feel that this OW is dangerous to your kiddies, try NOT to focus on her. Bringing this woman to your door is 100% your H fault.

Recently, I have read a huge ammount of acting out against OP on this board. I don't think it is healthy-- for the BS

Good Luck to you,

I'm amazed too at how in control I've been - I do know that when this was exposed to the light of day I hit my knees and begged God to give me the strength and wisdom to get through this. The next morning I found MB...

And yes, she isn't getting anything from my WS - with each new thing that came up he just shook his head - I guess that's coming out of the fog?

Sense of humor? Yep, gotta keep that too - I keep telling my self that we have at least another 30 years together - there's a lot of road to pave between now and then.

I'm not sure - 100% sure - I've given him so many chances to come clean on it - to just tell me now - like a band aid let's just rip it off and admit and move on. I would be fine with it if he told me now and let me deal - it's just sex - I know that they didn't make love - there is a difference at least for me.

The way that he responded seems so sincere and he said that is one line that he wouldn't have crossed - the OP though wanted more from him - which is why he started to back off.

She had the same woe is me story of her life and my H likes to be the knight in shining armor - he's always been the go to guy if you need ANYTHING - from money to mowing your yard - that's just the kind of guy he is. I think that's how she was reeling him in bit by bit...

So why would this woman feel entitled to threaten your family?

"Give me <this,that> or I'll tell your wife about that mean coffee habit?" Does not make sense, IMHO.
Please forgive cliche'

Where there is smoke, there is fire. It just keeps coming to my mind.

I mean, really, if you had a face to face with her (NOT reccomending it) -- What leverage could she use to upset you?--If it was only an EA? ("He said he thought you were "icky"?!?")

I mean, you sound like you have a sense about you,

and I don't want you to focus on her, when HE did the deed -- whatever that deed was.

Hope you take this advice in the nature it was intended.

What does the ole' Hub have to say about this?

Hi DW (That makes me think of the Arthur character! )

I am cringing as I type this to you, but I want you to be totally aware...What your husband is telling you regarding OW threatening to call you to tell you that they've slept together is MOST LIKELY wayward spin...He is trying to play a little "CYA" so that if/when the OW does call you and tell you that he can say, "See? I told you she was NUTS!" He is gonna play it sweet and innocent and make her out to be a lunatic...not saying she isn't - she is helping him there with her behavior...BUT...I don't think that a woman would go to such great lengths over an EA...This smells mighty fishy to me and I'd bet that the morning before a scheduled polygraph your husband would sing like a canary...

Have you considered a polygraph, DW? I think you should...

Mrs. W

ITA with the Mrs.

I got the same stuff from the Wookie (fwh) until the OW ended up preggers with OC#2.

Sorry for the threadjack:

Mrs W, our angel, staytogether needs you over in recovery!

Mine did it too. The whole truth came out over t-i-m-e. It seems to be the rule rather than the exception. And if he fits the rule, what will be more agonizing than learning it was PA will be the persistent lies he piled on you before it comes out. THEY will be harder to forgive.