And you had every intention of not sleeping with the OW 5 times over 5 years. Wasn't it a case of oops the alcohol made me do it or something like that?


There are other alternatives. Have you even looked into not attending the 3-6 functions that the 'unplanned contact' can occur? Is OW employed by the same company as you?

No unfortunately it was not the fault of alcohol, it was the fault of my poor judgement and weak moral compass.

I attend 150 functions a year, and the random odds of running into the OW is 3-6 times a year. Unavoidable, unless I quit the job, which my wife absolutely does not want me to do.

Your wife wants you to quit your job whether or not she SAYS it.

It's as if she has a hundred knives. Each time you see the OW and she knows about it you will have stabbed her again.

You have already allowed it to occur 5 times!!! You can't trust yourself. Your wife can't trust you for sure. You have proven that. Start searching for another job with comparable pay. Don't quit until you have found it if you need the money that badly but find another job and block this woman from your life. Stop making excuses and do what you know you have to. Your emotions are called withdrawal and WS fog around here.

Excuses
Excuses
Excuses

Find a way to not bump into her.

Or get a different job.

"There is NO chance of her wanting me to quit my job"

Have you asked her this.

This is like an alcoholic asking "Has anyone successfully stayed sober while putting the 3.2 beer in the "non-alcoholic box"?"

You are still way foggy. Here are your very FOGGY statements and questions:

and then again, even though a number of people answered you:
...and yet AGAIN, even though you got MORE of the same answer. I suppose you were hoping for a DIFFERENT answer?
Apparently these moments are still happening.
Not your emotions, your selfishness.
Foggy insanity speaking here...you have read and understand the MB Concepts and HNHN, and you STILL think this is ok??? Are you insane?

Then re-read the part about NC for LIFE...it's very clear, and it's not even NEGOTIABLE.
It's already happened 5 times...how many more "chances" do you think your W will give you if you "slip up" again???
I doubt that very much. Our lifestyle got BETTER when my husband changed jobs and we moved out of state. And he didn't even work WITH the OW, but we were still too accessible.

Just for the record, AGGGB and I are two separate people .

AGG (the original)

Gone Bad,

Your persistence with this question compels me to ask you to send your betrayed wife to this site. She needs help and support, big time.

Right Here Waiting

ASK OW's husband if you can still be friends with his wife after doing her 5 times.

j/k

I would suggest you need to find a new job if you want to recover your marriage. You can't afford to "run into" the OW not one single time. And you know it. But you are not serious about recovery anyway. You are just here looking for someone to tell you can "be friends" with the OW.

In other words you want to continue your affair by changing the NAME of your affair. That is the same as a drunk changing the name of his drinks to "business drinks" and hoping to convince others he is serious about sobering up.

You ain't serious and no one here is fooled. You just want our help to run a con on your wife. Well, you can call it a baloney sandwich if you want, but it will still be an affair and it will still make recovery impossible.

Your wife needs to come here so we can help her protect herself from you.

Does the OW's husband know what you have done to him? Does your employer know you are chasing tail in the employee pool so they can protect themselves from your LEGAL RISK? You are a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen.

How is it that a man of your advanced age does not know any better than to troll for side action at work, putting his career at risk? Honestly, I thought most men over 28 knew better than this.

AGGGB,
Putting your former AP in your "friend" box is akin to continuing the fantasy of your A in the first place.

And now you come here and want some kind of sick support to do so. I feel sorry for your BW, whose has obviously been duped by you. Your self entitlement, that led you to your A, will not fly around here.

However, I'm sure you'll simply continue to search the web until you do find a group that says it's OK.

Sounds alot like a lot of [censored] MC out there masquerading as a family theripist.

All Blessings,
Jerry

This is EXACTLY why you must NEVER SEE or HEAR FROM or SPEAK TO your affair partner again.

"unplanned contact" is NOT the same as being "putting OW (not lover thank you *barf*) in the friends box" which was your original question.

You asked if you can be friends, not how to deal with "unplanned contact". Oh boy, that is not the same thing at all.

I can only agree wholeheartedly with what everyone has told you. If you want to rip the heart out of your BW, go ahead, be "friends" with the OW. Oh for pity's sake. You are so foggy.

You say there aren't many WSs on here. Well, I'm an FWW. NC means NC, means NC, means NC.

Too late for that, Gone Bad. You can't put a genie back in a bottle, and you can't put a lover back in a "friend box".

It always amazes me that wayward spouses have such a hard time with this concept. Let me ask you... if your wife had been carrying on with another man the way your "friend" was carrying on with you, would you be okay with them remaining friends?

She is not your friend, she is poison to you and your marriage.

Like you I was the WS.

To answer your question from experience I wish I never obtained ... Not just no but BLOODY NO

I left my job... changed my career... even though the OM and his family moved 3000km away.

WHY?

because it sent the right message to my Husband that I would do anything I could to try and mitigate the pain I caused him...
it also got me away from the environment and social mix that also helped allow the affair... even though it was MY decision...
that also helps my Husband to know I realised the long hours and stress kept me away from our family and contributed to my crappy decisions and attitudes

And being out of the industry the chances of meeting the OM are virtually nil... but if I did I would run not walk for the nearest exit and ring my H and tell him I saw the OM in the crowd ... not because the OM has any place in my head or heart in any way because he doesn't ... but because to do anything else may hurt my husband.

Its a choice you make ... to actively protect your spouse from any doubt or pain or hurt ... even imagined.. due to your actions post affair. Trust is HARD to regain and very easy to lose after an affair.

I'll take no chances that I may hurt my husband again.

So should you with your wife.

My FWH did the same thing...moved us out of state and changed jobs (even though OW lived in another state) to prove to me that he would do ANYTHING to ensure that OW could never find or contact him again.

AGGGB, your excuses to not change jobs will hold no water around here...too many people have done it and their lives have IMPROVED due to their commitment to "do whatever it takes, for however long it takes" to make "just compensation" to their BS.