You don't WANT her spending more time with your kids, remember? Not as long as she keeps up her current "revolving studs" lifestyle-long as she's still doing that, then the more time your girls spend with her, the more likely it is they'll end up alone with one of her studs who happens to like little girls.

No, the LESS time they spend around their mother the better, even if they don't see it that way right now.

I agree, the less time they spend with her the better, I didn't mean to confuse the situation.

They more time they spend with her, the more chance they will have to see what type of mother she realy is. At this time, they spend every other weekend with her thats it.

I was cleaning my storage room today and found my luggage from the last spring dealer meetings with Ford Motor Company that I went on. That was the day her EA turned into a PA. It's 5 years and 11 months to the day today.

That is a huge kick in the A$$.

I just cant wait for my six years of pain post.

Only 30 days and counting...

Well what a great start to the day,

A long email from the WW about how honesty is now her new thing. She has come to understand how has hurt so many people with her lies and so on.

She has asked me to try and offer her a new level of trust as she is now an open book and wanting to work on our relationship whatever form that may take.

I took the time to snoop, right or wrong I did.

I can see her Facebook home page by going in on my DD's as they are friends. So I read some wall posts to her friends.

Her last conversation was of her trip to Japan, She has never left Canada.

At some point and I'm not sure when she moved to Vancouver, yet she told this guy she lives in downtown Van.

We all live in Calgary.

Perhaps I should not have looked but I did and if this is honesty wow, I need to learn a few new things.

There was a lot more, but it's not worth posting.

She actually has photos that she put on her facebook of another persons trip to Japan and is trying to pass them off as her's?

I don't get it.

Why tell people you live in a city you don't live in.

Everything I read is a bunch of lies.

Hmm...

Send a brief response to her (two sentences), thanking her for her note, then asking her "Did you enjoy your trip to Japan?"

That should about do it.

It's so hard to understand. Anyone could take the time to look at her Facebook and see all the lies she puts on there. And then to send me a new bunch of lies.

I have no way of understanding how she works or what she thinks.

And I did send a reply much like what you said Maninmotion, although it was a bit more than two lines.

Any more than two lines would have probably been too much IMO. You're dealing with an accomplished liar - the more you tell her, the more material you're giving her to weave her lies and excuses.

Did she respond, BTW?

She has not responded as of yet, she will, she always does, she has a problem with the internet right now, a bill problem I think.

I always respond with more than two lines, I always have so much to say, I just went back and read a repyl I sent her the other day. It's about fifty lines. I am going to post it here for you guys to look at.

This is a reply to a conversation we had three days ago.

Quote

I have no issue having a rational conversation with you, however when every conversation starts with me being accused of talking poorly about you, it's not rational. At no time do I speak poorly about you, you in general do not come up at all, and when you do, I hate to break it to you I always have something positive to say. I don't sit here and roll my eyes, I don't make comments, I generally just don't say anything, unless it is positive. I don't ask about you, I never initiate conversation about you, I ask if the girls had a good day or night and that's it. I don't ask what they did with you, I don't ask anything at all.

That's how it started last night, you don't like the way you are talked about. For your information nothing poor was said about you, not a single thing. However it seems that I am unable to say anything ever, as anytime I do, it comes back and bites me. I am unable to be helpful to the kids, everything I do is mean or to strict.

I am told all the time the rules are too hard here, yet not a single person can explain to me what is so tough here. Is it making beds? Is it helping with dishes? Is it ensuring dinner conversation is proper and appropriate for the table?

No matter what I say or do, I get a phone call from you with vague innuendo about how hard it is here for the girls.

You tell me they are miserable here. You tell me I snap on them or blow up all the time. Yet I am very aware of how I act with the kids and at no time do I just go off the deep end. If I do raise my voice, and I have trust me, it is in response to one of the girls not listening. There are times when you must raise your voice just so they will listen to you. I have heard you on numerous occasions raise your voice, many times I have witnessed you snap, or just yell at them, so I assume you understand how frustrating it can be when they refuse to listen to you.

Last night I asked Taylor to start on her homework, she looked at me, said no and walked away. I repeated myself without raising my voice and this time she said no, I don't want too. At that point I did raise my voice, and I did explain to her she would start her homework and she would start it right now, as she has a large religion project due on Thursday and her regular homework on top of that. She pouted and was in a pissy mood until she finished. All she wanted to do was play on Facebook, and when she was able to do so she was happy again. If that is strict, lock me up. I'm guilty.

As for your logic with church, I guess anytime you do something with the girls I can just invite myself along. As it is not about you and I, it is about them. So pass on a schedule of your activities and I will let you know what I would like to be a part of with the girls.

If it is all true, and I am such a bad parent, and that's what it feels like, then perhaps you should take the girls full time. As I have no interest in them being as miserable as you say they are. I want them to be happy and have the very best they can have, that's all. No matter what I ever do, I get a call from you telling me it's all wrong, things are to strict here. I am to mean, I am different, I snap, they can't breath without permission, it's a massive list of things you have told me I do wrong with the girls.

I think the best thing would be for them to be full time with you, as it is obvious they are much happier with you than they are with me.

How bad was that?

Much too long. None of it will sink in and none of it will register.

Zero.

The second you understand that educating her in any way is a waste of time the better. This is simply to save you the time of writing out such things.

Don't get into tit for tat defenses of what you do in your home. They simply don't get it. My ex makes accusations with no basis in fact and with nothing but assumptions.

I've learned to simply let them go and be indifferent to her opinions.

Your response also doesn't address her newly discovered appreciation for her "honsty".

Your best response would be:

I have received your thoughts on honesty.

How was your trip to Japan?

How about that move to Vancouver? This surprised me since you've never left Calvary.

Sincerely,

Lie2Me

I know, this has been a problem for years, I have always been egged into something with her.

True enough I score a zero.

Pretty bad, as she'll likely focus on the last line as you agreeing that she should have full-time custody of the kids.

SHE IS A WW.

Your responses to any of her babble should be one paragraph, perhaps even as small as one sentence.

e.g.

"WW, I do not agree with your characterization of me and the way I treat our kids."

"So, how was your trip?"

I knew it before I sent it to her, I have always felt a need to defend myself and how the kids are with me. That thing about her and the kids, she just lost her house so it was me taking an imature shot at her.

I will work on the one or two line answers and try to let every thing else go.

Water off a ducks back.

Our parenting coordinator told us that unless there was blood on the floor and someone about to die that we didn't need to communicate.

Your exww can run around all she wants and rant and rave about how much you stink as a husband and father.

What I learned, the hard way, was that people make up their own minds and they really need to see proof before believing all the lies spewed by a WW.

That helped me cool down my need to feel I had to defend everything she said if it was a threat to me getting custody.

Otherwise, who cares what she thinks? Really. Why would you care what a deranged lunatic thinks that lives in her own reality?

Let her think whatever she wants. You just carry on with your life.

Indifference is your goal.

Her criticism of you should feel the same as any criticism that I would give you.

Here, lets try this:

Lie2me, I think you suck as a father. You don't feed your kids the right foods, you smell funny, and your kids clothes are too dirty. Your kitchen needs mopping all the time and you should run the hoover on your carpets more often.

You have long nose hairs and should be nicer to the kids.



See? See how little you care what I, a stranger on the internet think of you or what you do?

Start thinking the same way about your WW. It's very liberating.

I can see how it would be liberating, and thank you for the laugh, although I do need to trim the nose hairs.

thanks for that.

We need to see someone, although she has never agreed to it, yet with D in our province it is requiered to see a family counseler when kids are involved. I hope this helps, I have always just wanted her to see the light a bit, to understand she is being a bit off at times.

I have given up hope, after 3 years, that this will every happen with my exww. She sees things her way and is as entitled as ever. It was liberating to accept that not even a fully sane person that can see things in a balanced way would ever get her to see the reality.

In her mind we would have divorced and been super friends and might even have ended up back together again someday if I had only gone off quietly, done as she demanded, and settled for seeing my kids whenever it suited her. She never thought I'd want equal time with them.

It's my fault, in her mind, that we don't get along and that I don't come over and hold hands with her and her boyfriend and sing Kumbaya while the kids dance around us happy we're all such great friends and bunnies hop about with rainbows in the distance while flower petals fall from the ceiling and we're all smiles.

The idea that it would be extremely painful for me to see my kids spend more time with another man than with me AND lose my wife, my job, my career, my lifestyle, and living location, and be homeless never really crossed her mind.

A WW has the epitome of entitlement and the shining example of narcissism.

So having a third party point out the balanced point of things won't do as you hope. It will merely serve to show how it's your fault that you're poisoning others against her or that you're portraying yourself, in her mind, as someone you're not.

Trust me, I've lived it.

Waywards aren't worth it. You've been at this for 6 years, my friend. Time to move on.

Wow, you hit the nail on the head, this is my WW

It is time to move on and be done with her.

The above post is just too, too easy. I'm sorry, but I'm compelled to get on my little soapbox once again. At least for a moment:



I tell you truly, they always were this person. The adultery just brought it out into the open. They are this person and always will be this person. Thy may hide it well at times, even for long periods of time, but the person they are while they revel in adultery is who they really were, are and will be. They are simply letting themselves do what they want and have always wanted.

There are plenty of people who are not this way. But, these adulterous people are who they are.

You can do better, by far.

It's true, I can do much better, however I always wanted to think that my WW was not who she realy is today. I had always hoped that she would come around and be the person I thought she was.

Dreams are great yet reality is where my life is.