If she is meeting men on-line I would find out the exact websites. You need to know what you are dealing with. Also who knows if the multiple men know where she/you live. Sounds dangerous in so many ways.

File as quick as you can. She is already out of the house so this should help. Does she work?

Do you have his first and last name, a cell phone number, a landline number? What information do you have? Does your wife know her name, occupation, any details? Work questions like this into affair disclosure conversations without telling her why you want to know. Just tell her you are curious. You can find the wife with the answers to these questions. There are all kinds of reverse phone lookup websites and public records on the internet. I didn't know anything about the OWH but with a little digging, I found him. My husband initially wouldn't tell me the OW's name because he was afraid of what I would do with the info. I found a business card in his rolodex at work. He had told me her profession and it was the only card for a female with that profession. Bingo! He had told me that her husband was an electrician that worked for his dad. Well, the business card gave me her name. I already had her cell phone. I did a reverse phone lookup and found her address. I found an Electrical company by the same last name in our town. I took that name and cross-referenced the address and confirmed through county property records her address. Now I had her name, address, and her husband's work address and number. You can find out. Keep asking questions. You have to expose to OMW. Very important and valuable.

Maybe you can't look at her the same. I can't look at my husband the same yet either. I still love him but he is a different man to me. Give yourself some time to absorb all of this. If you decide to stay with her, require STD testing for both of you (do this anyway), expect that your wife will probably not be willing to admit the entire ugly truth at first (even though you really need it). She doesn't sound strong enough to face you with the truth yet. Keep watching. Just because the signs are not there anymore, that doesn't mean she has really stopped. She is probably addicted to the rush that she gets from these activities. She could just be hiding it better. I would get a webwatching program installed on your computer if she comes home and GPS on her car (you can hide a phone in the car - that is the easiest).

I think still standing is right. I would still file for divorce though. For financial protection, and to prove that you will go all the way if she does not come clean.

Can you seperate your finances without taking the Divorce step? I would really advise giving yourself time to work Plan A (for you) first. You are still in shock and need time to adjust to everything that you have discovered. If she won't come home, she is probably still wayward - perhaps a legal seperation? I hate divorce and don't want to recommend it to anyone. Only you know what you can handle. You are hurt and angry right now- not a good place to make life changing decisions.

The MB plans work on romantic A's, where there are emotions involved ... that's not what we're dealing with here. This is a broken WW trolling the internet for multiple "sex only" partners, and not surprisingly, she found them (PLURAL).

This isn't an abheration of her character, but a revelation of her character.

We have a serial cheater, with no emotional attachments, and basically two adult children ... expose the A's to your children, seperate and protect your finances, and proceed directly to Plan D.

There is nothing left here to save.

My revelation is right. This is who she is now. She had a taste of the random sex life, and she likes it. Right now she is in her own place, and if you hired a PI, you will most likely find out that she hasn't stopped. Divorce her, protect your finances, and move on.

I spoke with om and his wife to confirm that she knew of the A. I now think he was probably lying to me as well about my wife. His story was a little different than hers. I cant really believe either of them.I haved calmed down some and realize that I am not ready to make any major decisions.

I don't think your WS is past redemption if she wants to and is willing to change her disgustingly bad behavior. Many of the WS that have recovered did not have romantic affairs. Some had purely sexual one night stands or other variations of casual sex. The internet is way too easy. Some had hookers and are recovering. It will be up to you, based on what you are willing to handle, whether or not it is worth it FOR YOU to work on your marriage with your wife. You didn't deserve this. It was nothing that you did. I wouldn't believe anything that your WS or the OM say right now. They are both liars and can't be trusted. It doesn't have to be like that forever. It is just how it is right now. Continue to verify everything and try to go easy on yourself. This is going to be very painful no matter what you decide.

alone,

There is a term here called "BS Fog" (Betrayed Spouse Fog) that describes a Betrayed Spouse's initial reaction to tend to minimize their wayward spouses behavior in order to be better able to deal with this tidal wave of terrible information.

It is quite normal, but it should be recognized for what it is and put in the proper perspective. Unfortunately, it appears that you have contracted this condition.

Please spend some time in reflection and consider how this is affecting you.

When it comes to a WW's infidelity, it is natural to hope for the best, but realize that it rarely works out that way. In fact, you will MORE THAN LIKELY learn that their infidelity was actually WORSE that what you have been led to believe.

Just make sure you KNOW what you are up against and then take the appropriate steps based on solid KNOWLEDGE of the TRUE facts.

I agree with MyRev. Be prepared for the truth to be much worse than what you know now. You need to know the whole truth and you will probably not get it from your wife at this time. She will probably be in CYA mode for quite some time. You will have to find the information for yourself.

So what did the OM say when you told him and his wife about your wife's version? Please tell me you didn't keep that to yourself!!