Hi Hope,

I know i know i am not expecting miracles, its 1 step forward and 3 steps backwards all the time LOL

Afer a night out especially after all the guinness, the snores out of him would be enough to drive anyone insane LOL. I think it would be better to wait til morning to join him for a chat! otherwise there could be foul play committed LOL. I need my beauty sleep big time

Hope you are doing so well you really are, here i am venting all the time about his trip to spain and you are on your own and dealing with the crap that he is giving you. If you would like to contact me via email for a chat i would be delighted.

Forget the beauty sleep, get back in that bed! That is what ear plugs are for. You have an advantage. Your H is still in the house. I wish I could hear my H snore again. I actually miss it. Pretty sad.

Sent an e-mail out to you. Can only check it at night.

I am doing ok. I see H today at meeting and the meeting was moved into a conference room right next to wear the plastic pinata sits. I put on high heels today (I never wear them) with black crop pants and new top. The guys in my office told me I looked great today and was I going on an interview, so that is a good sign! Will keep you posted.

Hi Hope,

Got your email and i have replied to you, have you ever heard of Dr Ellen Kreidman? I think thats how her name is spelt, well, she says that the reason that a man falls for another woman is because of the way he feels about himself when he is with her, in other words she is telling him how gorgeous he looks, stroking his ego, saying the things that you said to him back when you first met and then somwhere along the way it stopped?

can you relate to this at all? I know i can in my situation. I will chat to you later, i bet you looked gorgeous today and i am delighted he saw you chatting to one of his staff and you looked like you were in good form, keep it up, your doing great.

Gabrielle

Hi Gabzz, how's it going?

I like the present you bought for your H. Have you thought anymore about the conversation you will have with him when he goes on his trip? Not too far away now, if I remember right. Is it the 28th he goes?

I hope you're still enjoying the walking. We did a fair bit of cycling whilst we were away for the weekend. Unfortunately, later I also did a fair bit of eating and drinking. Ah well.

Do you still have plans for decorating the bedroom while he is away and if so, will you decorate the main bedroom or the spare?

Love to you,

Hi Sere,

I threw caution to the wind and had that chat with him about the trip, it went like this:

me: When are you going on the trip to spain (i did know of course)

Him: ignored what i said, i repeated it and he said "its on sa t week, 28th

Me: I am sorry for the way i reacted and the things i said to you, i was upset that you were going.

Him: Apology accepted. Proceeds to start telling me all about it but i said to him not to go on about it because i was still a bit upset so he shut up.

Later on he talked about it again and told me that he was just going for a craic with the lads and a few beers, that a cousin of mine was going too! like that would make me feel tons better! its a son of a cousin and i dont know the lad at all, i think he was just trying to tell me there would be no funny business.

I asked him why he didnt tell me and he said he did tell me in nov, i said that everyone else seemed to know the ins and outs of it but me and he said that wasnt true that he hadnt told anyone about it. (his brother asked me the other day when visiting his parents why h was not bringing me along on the trip) i cannot abide this fella he is a right pain in the [censored].

H seemed quite relieved that we had now spoken about it and he was in very good form after that conversation for the rest of the evening, he said all he intended to do was sun himself and read his books by the pool and have the odd game of golf. They are staying on a golf complex.

I think i handled it well considering how upset i was and am about it. I know he feels i am very controling so by apologising and speaking about it was a big thing for me

Not sure about the spare room being decorated even though it could do with a lick of paint. is it not a bit premature to be moving back into the bedroom with things not right between us, after all he did tell me he didnt feel anything anymore for me? would it not be better to wait awhile until we are getting on a bit better?

Gabzz, you did brilliantly with that conversation. You should be really happy with how things went, and it seems to me that your H is showing positive signs of thawing out towards you.

With the things he said, it sounds as though he was trying to reassure you, and you certainly don't offer reassurances if you do not care for the other persons feelings. The very fact that you have been able to have this conversation with him without LB'ing is surely going to impress on him the changes you are making.

Small steps, but significant progress being made I think. When he opens his case and finds the gifts you put inside, he will be so pleased, I'm sure. You should pamper yurself if you can whilst he's away. Get your hair done, have a facial and look radiant when he gets back. Plan Gabzz is working!!!!!!

I am not too sure about pressing the bedroom issue, you don't want your husband to think you are trying to manipulate or push him in this regard. For now I would limit things to gentle flirting, lying on the bed talking to him, touching him on the shoulder, back, offering a massage etc.

Do you know anyone who can do sports massage? You could learn a quick massage that golfers use, and offer it to your husband to ease his muscles. Get some lovely oils, but then don't take it any further, or expect it to go further after the massage. He'll love it and you'll get a chance to meet some ore of his EN's at the same time. Offer this regularly and you may start to see results.

Must go, but will chat again tomorrow. Take care and keep up with all your good work.

xx

Hi Gabzz, you did well. Glad you could keep your emotions in check -- unlike me.

Now try and have fun with H till he leaves. Don't bring up the trip again unless he mentions it and try to keep it in a positive spirit. Sounds pretty harmless.

While he is gone keep up the good work you have been doing. Maybe buy a sexy shirt why he is gone and wear it on his return.

Maybe mention about prepping and painting the room and see if he is receptive to it. Then you can flirt a little about having to share a bed or something along that lines.

I leave tomorrow so I will not be posting much in the coming week. Need this vacation. take care. Praying for you.

[color:#3366FF]Just Journaling tonight

H seems to be friendlier towards me since i spoke with him about the trip, nothing special just more chatty and not as aloof towards me in general.

Weighed in this morning:

Lost 1 lb this week, not great i know but at least it is still a loss, hopefully next week will be better. [/color]

Gabzz, just checking in.
Glad you are doing well.

We are having a great time! It is like therapy but without the pain! D15 is doing really well. The most relaxed and happy that I have seen in a llllooonnnnggg time.

Are you keeping up with everything. I think your H is beginning to see your small changes. Keep it up. Know you can do this. Want you to be a MB success story.

Are you still walking? I have been eating but tomorrow we are taking a "power walk".

Take care. Will check in soon.

Gabzz, hope you are doing well.
I know the infamous golf trip is looming next week. How are you handling it??
walk and breathe, walk and breathe.
I hated this board was out since it is good to check in during rough patches.
Thinking of you.

Still walking each day and sticking to my ww plan but the loss is really not great for some reason:( Weighted in this morning and i have lost 1 lb this week. I suppose i should be happy that i am losing weight but with all the walking and all i thought i would lose more than this.

Still 100% committed to this though! Onwards and upwards as they say!

Gave the little gift to my H for his upcoming trip, he looked at me in wonder and then thanked me for it, i asked him if he knew what it was? he didnt have a clue but he said he would show it to his friend who is an avid golfer and he would be able to tell him what it was for. Later on after meeting with his friend he told me that his friend thought it was really cool and that all golfers have them. He seemed pleased with it.

I will have to make myself scarse next sat morning when he leaves becuase i know i will be upset to see him go!

Gabzz, missed you! Glad you are doing well. Keep walking and DO NOT get discouraged. I have been in a holding pattern for a few months losing nothing. Now when I go back to work I am going to get serious and drop the rest of this weight.
I think the culprit is too many carbs. Just bought some protein drink with low carb and try to replace a meal here and there. More protein -- less carbs. Keep your fingers crossed!

So I am sure your H was pleased with the gift. Now when he sees it he will think of you -- like it or not! You have been doing well. You have to understand it will take time. Keep at it.

Hopefully he will miss you enough when he goes away that when he comes back you can work at getting back into the bedroom. It is also good example for your kids to see that you have a R with H. You do not want them to think that all M are like this. D15 can't adjust to us being apart. She keeps saying she wants a "normal" family. I tell her that because we are not together does not mean we are not normal. But she does not see it that way. Sad.

take care. Keep in touch.

Welcome back Hope, missed you too!

No i am not getting discouranged, i refuse to! LOL. You could be onto something there regarding the carbs, i just love bread and crisps, i have more of a liking for savoury things rather than sweet things so i am having to watch my intake there. You can lose the rest of your weight no problem to you, look what you have lost so far, i know it was dire circumstances but at least some good came from it (35lbs):)

Now you are even more in control and you are more focused too so you will be able to do this no problem, plus look at all the cheerleaders you have now

As you know from our email, i got a bit tipsy on sat night and told him how i felt about him. It was a risk to take i know but he was always saying to me that i didnt really love him at all so i put him straight. He said he didnt realise i felt that way !!!!!

He didnt really say much about it the next day but he was really nice to me LOL. I wont say anything else to him about our relationship, i will leave him to think about what i said. I did ask him the next day how he felt by what i had said and he said he didnt know what to think but that he had taken it on board so i am not going to push it any further.

My heart goes out to your daughter, i have a 15 year old d too so i know how hurt and mixed up she must be feeling, but she has you Hope and you are a really strong person and you are not on your own any more,you have lots of new friends here that will help you in any way that we can.

Talk later, take care xxx

Hi Gabzz, If I have anything bad to eat it will be a piece of chocolate. But before I could eat a box, now I will keep it to one piece. Everything in moderation.

You are doing well and I think H will notice more so once he gets back from trip especially if he sees that you are strong when he leaves. Make sure you make plans when he is gone. Do something fun for yourself. Go out with your sister or daughter.

My D15 is very mixed up and hurt. She was great when we were away and now we are back so she no longer wants to live here but does not want to go back east either.

If you check my sitch I think there is a possibility that H maybe got suspended for a week and nothing happening to OW. That is a joke if that is all that happened. Waiting to hear addtl info.

Nothing much happening this week, husband has his bags out and ready for packing. Didnt see much of him this week at all, he is working flat out until friday evening and then he sets off on his adventures on sat morning.

Weight watching is going well at the moment. I saw an advertisment for salsa dancing class for beginners which starts in mid april so i will sign up for that. The clocks go forward by one hour here on sat night so the evenings will be brighter which means i will get to go for nice long walks on the beach after work in the evening time. Dont know what i am going to do with myself on sat morning, i really dont want to be around here when he goes, i am thinking maybe i will go to the beach.

Hi Gabzz, so pleased to hear that you're doing so well. I'm looking forward to the clocks going forward too. Long days and a sign of the spring and summer that is coming. You'll be having lovely long walks very soon. Me too. We had great weather here last week and I took some fantastic country walks with our dog. FWH came along a couple of times too. It was amazing how much better I felt for it.

I know it's going to be difficult for you this next few days so try and concentrate on the positive changes you are making in your life, and just visualise where YOU will be by the end of the summer. Positivity is such an attractive trait, and your H is bound to see it if you feel it, and the attraction to you again will surely follow.

Also, don't forget you are busy plan A'ing him and showing him the very best you. What would the very best you do on Saturday when he leaves?

Love to you x

Hi Sere,

Great to hear from you, how have you been doing? I will drop by your page and catch up. I hate goodbye's so i cannot be around on sat cos i know i will get upset. Im too soft for my own good! even when we went on holidays in the past and we met up with nice people i would be sooooo upset having to say goodbye at the end so multiply that by whatever and i think you get the picture.

My hormones are all over the place this week so that is not helping. When he is actually gone i will be much better its the build up that gets to me worse than anything.

The weight loss is not going great at the moment, i am losing but it is very small only 1lb per week and i had hoped to lose a lot more. Up until now i have been doing the weight watchers myself but i think i will go back to the class it will give me more support and encouragement to keep going.

Really lovely to hear from you.

Love Gabrielle x

Gabzzz, {{{hugs}}}} tomorrow will be rough for you but as our mutual friend "Please Help" says "you can do this", "you can do this". He is right.

Make plans Saturday night or if you are upset allow yourself to feel bad for one night. Curl up in bed, read a book, watch the telly -- have a yogurt (yes even when we are feeling sorry for ourselves) but on Sunday get up and get going. See a movie whatever. Do something, don't wait for his phone calls. let him wonder where you are!!

Make some goals for his return.

Do not get discouraged about your weight. If you lose one pound a week than that is 52 pounds a year!! The little steps turn into milestones. Keep up the good work.

Salsa is a GREAT idea. Trying2Live on this board took salsa lessons and LOVED it. Go for it. Something new, different that will build your confidence and you will do something positive for you!

take care. Thinking of you during these next few days. If you are down, come to this board and vent. Do not let him see your tears if you could help it. You can do it!!!!

Hi Gabrielle,

I totally understand what you are saying about getting upset. We'll be thinking of you on Saturday morning so you won't be alone, but if you don't want to be there when he leaves, have you planned how exactly you will say your goodbyes? Whether you're actually there when he goes or not, you will still have to say goodbye to him to go on your walk or just leave the house. How will you do this?

If his number 1 EN is admiration and he thrives on positive attention, then if you just leave without addressing him going away for several days, and without saying a "good" goodbye how will he feel? Additionally, if you don't acknowledge his departure and you take yourself off for a walk, is it a possibility that he will feel you are trying to manipulate him into feeling guilty for going on the trip. I may be well off the mark here, so apologies if any of this is upsetting for you, but you have mentioned in the past that he has complained about your control and manipulation.

I just want him to go on this trip with positive thoughts of you back home, and I want him to start questioning his thoughts about leaving the marriage. What can you do to ensure he is thinking of you positively whilst he is away?

It might be something for you to think about, but if not please ignore. You sound such a lovely person and as you say you have a soft heart, which your H will be well aware of. I worry that he will think your heart is hardened to him if you don't let him see your sadness at him going. Just a thought.

PS. 1lb a week weight loss if fantastic. Just what is recommended for permanent weight loss. You're right on track, and as Hope says, that will be 52lb this time next year, plus many inches lost too because of the exercise. You're doing great. Keep in touch over the weekend.

Love to you x