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And really, is it going to be my fault if he beats the crap out of her?? NO.
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ok here's another fear.....since I don't have proof that the A is still going on and he's being all nice to me and willing to work on this or talk, what if I do the exposure thing and it really is over?? I'm thinking a request for a polygraph is what I need to know what my next step is. Any thoughts?
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And really, is it going to be my fault if he beats the crap out of her?? NO. I wish I had a dollar for every time we heard this bullcrap story from some skanky ho who was cheating on her H. This is a CLASSIC justification used by skanks to engage in affairs. Ask yourself this: if your H beats you up, is the solution to HAVE AN AFFAIR?  does that make a lick of sense to you? What that should tell you is that SHE IS NOT SCARED of her H so why should you be?? Your H and his skank made this story up TO KEEP YOU QUIET. AND IT WORKED.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ok here's another fear.....since I don't have proof that the A is still going on and he's being all nice to me and willing to work on this or talk, what if I do the exposure thing and it really is over?? I'm thinking a request for a polygraph is what I need to know what my next step is. Any thoughts? Stop it. First off, you know the affair is not over because they WORK TOGETHER EVERY DAY. The affair has not ended and you don't need "proof" to prove what you already know. If an alcoholic changes the name of his drinks to "BUSINESS DRINKS" do you need proof he still drinks? Of course not. You don't need a polygraph to prove what you already know. You need some balls and some common sense.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Where does your H live and how far away is he?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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i know.....thanks for the kick in the a** 'cause I need it!
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My H is living about 30 min from here.
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How often do you drive by?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Also, how far is his pad from his office? Does the OW ever travel? Does he travel?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't go there as it's really out of the way. It's about 10min from his office. He travels some but she does not. If I tried to spy on him I'd drive myself crazy.... did you read what I said about the phone call I found?
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Did the OWH beat her up on D-Day? Is there a police record? Did he call you? What happened?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't go there as it's really out of the way. It's about 10min from his office. He travels some but she does not. If I tried to spy on him I'd drive myself crazy.... did you read what I said about the phone call I found? I betcha if you drive by a few times you will find her car there. If they are 10 minutes from work, they can easily go there and get it on.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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your grasping at straws here girl......your either looking for a way to find an easy way to get this done....or find excuses for his actions.....HE had the affair....HE is responsible for HIS actions....HE has to EARN his trust from you BACK.
HE HAS TO MAKE THE SACRIFICE TO SAVE THIS MARRIAGE NOT YOU!
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What time do they go to lunch every day?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I hear lunch time nookie sessions!
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Thanks guys but I'm not ready for humor about this yet....I don't know when they go to lunch. I know that my H doesn't always go out. That is when they did it before, I know. Unless I sit out there and wait, I cannot know any of this.
The OWH pushed her around a bit they said but I don't necessarily believe it.
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You're right SHIW, I've been doing all the work thus far. He's just being pitiful because he can't "feel" anything.
So I'm to just ignore him saying it's over, assume that it's not just because they still work together, and move on to exposure??
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Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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good girl....get OWH involved....2 pairs of eyes are better than one.
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VerySad,
One of the hardest things for us BS is to not take what our WS say, personally. It's hard not to take it to heart.
It's so important to let it roll off your back, ignore it. If it gets you emotional, you will be off your game. You can't be off of your game.
When WH starts to talk irrational, which is probably most of the time, leave the room or change the subject with something totally unrelated.
Stay in control. WH needs to see you in control of yourself and your M.
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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