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ok I wrote this before I saw tst's response...
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it's times like these i want to take someone by the hand and say follow me you will do ths....
Why don't you ask him to switch jobs....see what he says......Tell him you are not comfortable with him working there.....if he rufuses....you have your answer....I would call OWH ASAP.
I would also drive by WH's at lunch time....bring a camera.....snap a picture of her car there at WH's.....and give it to OWH.....she can deal with the fall out of her own actions. SHe's a big girl right.....she put her big girl pant on to get there in the first place.
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I don't think she is going to make it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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VST, think of exposure like cleaning out a wound.
You can ignore the dirt and band-aid over it. That's easy and will look nice and you can fool yourself into believing it's getting better for a while... and then it festers and you get blood poisoning.
Or you can drag out the hydrogen peroxide and clean the wound up, put some fresh air and sunlight on it. Not fun, but an essential first step toward getting the healing started.
Exposure = cleaning out the wound.
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ok here is what I wrote to another poster....it's off the wall but just follow me: Monty.....ok bro...imagine if you will (that sounds so twilight zone....but thats been your life lately right?) little wifey is sneaking around tip toeing planning to do evil....planning to suck the life from your marriage. WW is a VAMPIRE.
Ok you got that part...ok...next part...
Now you are the GREAT VAN HELSING....what is the one thing that destroys the evil that is vampires....LIGHT....light is the representative of all that is good.....thats why vampires hate it so and choose to sneak and live in the dark. They are souls damned and hiding away from the rest of the world. That is why they sleep during the day while mortals are awake.
YOU are the bringer of light back to your world (MARRIAGE)....by allowing her family to see the light (exposure...no pun intended) you bring whats good and right to thier lives.....most times they will also allow there light to hit the vampire quickening it's demise.
Your wife is dating a college kid with no attainable future at the moment. IF you value your marriage...you will expose it and allow those who love and care for your wife....to sort of add to the intervention...she is an addict right now (most vampires are...you know needing blood to survive thing).
If she values what they will think so much....it is sure to have an affect on her and on the life of the affair....I mean what do you have to loose....you don't fight you loose her....you do fight you still have the possibility of getting your wife back.
The vets here all have alot of collected experience. I highly suggest you listen to them.....if we could all write a script about what WS's would say next...trust me hun....her next line would read straight from it....everything she has said is like a broken record for all WS'S we have all heard and read the same things on other peoples threads numerous times....trust me yours is not that unique.
stay strong...gather your evidence...and present it to her family....you may have allies there yet willing to help you fight...you never know until you try. got it...got it....good
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Oh God....I got it. Bringing light to destroy the evil. I know, I know, I know......Thanks to all of you! I know you're tired, but don't give up on me! 
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It doesn't matter how H feels about exposure....
What matters is ending the allure of the affair and bringing him back into the marriage!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Oh God....I got it. Bringing light to destroy the evil. I know, I know, I know......Thanks to all of you! I know you're tired, but don't give up on me! Let me give you a very appropros ANALOGY. What do you think happens when you turn on the lights in the crack house and invite in a group of people to WATCH the crackheads get high? Just think about this for a moment and then you will understand why exposure is your most potent weapon in saving your marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well, I'm going to bed now. I'm exhausted and I only hope I can sleep. Thanks to all of you for sticking with me. You haven't made me mad at all. I know it's what I need to hear and I know it's truth. Thank you.
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If my wife worried about all the what if's...... and chose not to expose....... well..... I hate to even think about that!
Exposure NEVER destroys a marriage...... Affairs and the secrets do.
Exposure is truth! Active waywards hate truth!
You should not fear truth, Your H is petrified of the truth coming out..... so really your doing him a favor by helping him past this fear of his.
My wife helped me overcome mine! lol
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Thanks tst. Your advise is especially appreciated....can you call my H?
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Hi - You sound so much better than you did earlier in the day! I'm glad everyone is giving you so much help. You really need it. If I knew then what I know now . . . I think my sitch wouldn't have dragged on for sooooo long.
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Men and their jobs . . . so much of their identity. You really cannot leave it up to him. My H. even called his mom and she was uphauled that I would ask him to get a career that didn't involve travel. But if they saw eachother every day. . .I would have just given up.
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OMG - just reading your posts. I knew about my H's A but the OW's H didn't know. They duped me into not calling him because my H said he was violent and scary! Don't fall for it He is keeping you where he wants you . . . so you feel that he wants to work on your relationship and that the OW may be in danger if there is anymore contact with you . . . get it? You are very intuitive and when you spent time with the OW's H . . .did he seem normal? Had you ever heard he was violent in anyway?
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OS, I did talk to the OWH on the phone and he was completely normal. He and my H were friends! He even sent my H an email asking him to leave his wife alone, that she had agreed to stay and restore their marriage. What he said and the way he said it was very kind considering he could have ripped him a new one. But he said if it happens again, she's out, period. So my fear is that he will kick her out and then my H will feel responsible for her and BAM, they are together. This is such a horrible situation all around! I feel totally boxed in.
AND guess what everyone? I spoke to him last night letting him know I was toying with the idea of him moving back in, and he said he's not sure he's ready. Yep, there you go!
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Exposure list:
boss
friend L.W.
friend L.B.
mom
sister
sister
daughter ??? (9yrs old???)
My parents and close friends already know....
Oh God I'm so scared.....
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Question: What if I tell the boss (also a friend of mine) and no one gets fired? Does the simple act of exposure kill it and they still work together?
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What if she just gets moved to another department??
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I'm afraid he thinks more of his job than he does me. If he loses his job he'll just hate me for it and things will just be worse.....
tst I'd love to hear from you again. Did you lose your job? Did you leave on your on?
I'm telling all of you that my H and I have never had a really strong love bond between us. I'm afraid there isn't enough of a foundation to withstand this.....
any thoughts?
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Where are my helpers? I need you! Wake up!
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