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To add,
He may force his WW to quit her job, which would be a step in the right direction of NC.
Until absolute NC exits, you must assume the A continues, which would go a long way to explaining your WH's current behavior.
All Blessings,
Jerry
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Thanks ST, sorry to say I didn't expose to OWH when mine moved out....bad move on my part and no excuse of any real value now. But I have to lay low until my PI hands me the photos, which I'm guessing he'll get pretty soon after starting the job...then all he!! will break loose! I wish I'd found this site WAY before now and could have avoided lots of mistakes on my part.
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my one flimsy excuse about the OWH is that he's said that if it happens again, she is out for good. and based on my previous experiences with him, I believe him. My fear there is that puts my WH and her together. My WH would feel responsible for her at that point and bam, togetherness.
I am however moving forward with a plan for exposure.
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Hi VST, I feel your pain about the OW's H. My H. totally said he didn't want to be married etc. etc. But the OW never wanted to leave her H or break up the family. Upon exposure (1st time) her H packed up and left the state. This only lasted for a few days. He was in shock and needed time to think. My H. clung to me ("the one he said he didn't love??") like a little baby. So she was never "all in". I wish I had MB's at that time so I could have done a more radical recovery. But the aliens left his body very quickly and he couldn't believe all he did and said . . . that all changed when they started talking on the phone again . . . just talking on the phone . . . didn't work together or see eachother. So you see just that little contact was enough to flood everything back into the relationship once again.
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Thanks OS, this whole A game is mind blowing for those of us who've never stepped into it ourselves....I'm looking forward to receiving the book SAA and getting down to educating myself fully on MB.
I really don't even know where I am right now, plan a or not? I am however trying to be very nice and no LB although THAT is very difficult for me. I usually take 5 steps forward and 8 steps back....because I am PISSED!
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VST,
We have heard this flimsy excuse for not exposing about a thousand times from newly discovered BS's.
It will not hold water. The A will not be over unless and until your WH comes to his sences. Your job is to expose the lunacy of his thinking, and hope that he does wake up. If you are fearful that anything you do will put the AP's together, then that is not a M that you want anyway. Understand???
PLAN A IS ABOUT YOU, NOTTHEM!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND WHAT THEY MAY OR NOT DO TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!
All Blessings,
Jerry
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I know ST, I really do realize that now that I've found MB. However, I'm holding back now for my PI to get the hard proof. I want thing to seem calm before the storm and if I call him, a storm will ensue.
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It's OK VST, I understand. But coming at this from a different prospective, the "storm" is already swirling all around you. You simply haven't recognized it yet.
I would suggest you batten down the hatches, for the full impact is about to occur. When you're ready for it, is up to you. Stay the course.
All Blessings,
Jerry
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VST - the threads here are great. Please listen to the advice. I only wish I knew of MB during the intial discovery of my H's A. I wouldn't have waited 4 months to expose everything to the OW's H. I can only say now that I really regret that! Things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand and I would not have suffered so long. There A. was only in the initial stages . . .I can't keep thinking about that now.
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Hey, just thinking 'bout something: Advice from experienced WS please....WH in a PA with co-worker. WH has his pad about 10 min from work. He says they rarely had opportunity to do anything and especially now that they've been bagged.....question: I believe they've taken the PA more underground now so how often do you think they are "risking" being together? Can they go a week or 2 without? Now they have many more opportunites to be together outside of work. Probably daily. Not only can they see each other every day at work, but they now have a secret place to go for lunchtime quickies since you have helped them keep the secret. They wouldn't need to go a week or two when they can spend lunches together at his new pad. And what is the risk? Who is going to catch them? Her husband? Nope. Because you are helping the OW by keeping the secret about your H's apartment. YOU? Nope. You won't even drive over there. Now, whose side are you on? Because I can't tell. What you are doing is more helpful to the OW than yourself. This looks like the "Help the OW" program. Did you hire the PI?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks OS. I really see things breaking loose in the next week or two. My WH's A is already 1yr old.....EA at least 8 mths (no PA so they say) and PA 4mths. He loves to say to me "well the 5 or 6 times we were together....." mean PA activity...HA like I believe that! This is a tough one because they are at the "soulmate" level I'm pretty sure.
Just wondering, what has been the experience for some of you with exposure at work. Do they ALWAY lose their jobs? I'm already thinking about what I will say to their boss, a friend of mine. I'm hoping he'll cut her loose and not my H.
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p.s. vst, who do you think is the LEAST OBJECTIVE person on this thread?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML, I totally see why you feel that way. Here's some info I haven't shared. We own a boat, a cabin cruiser, that is docked 10 mins from his work. We had it over a year now. That is where he is living right now. So the pad was available even before he left home. My thinking is she is going by there in the a.m. before work for a quickie as lunchtime is more risky. They are probably doing lunchtime as well but because of his sudden change of heart about coming home, I think he's protecting his a.m. time. That is when I'm sure the PI is going to get the goods on them. Yes I was inadvertantly helping them before. But now I am working on sinking their boat 
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p.s. vst, who do you think is the LEAST OBJECTIVE person on this thread? ML, I know.... it's me. But I think I've made some progress since be here. I really do. I'm ready to DO something now instead of waiting for him to.
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This is a tough one because they are at the "soulmate" level I'm pretty sure. What is a "soul mate?" Just wondering, what has been the experience for some of you with exposure at work. Do they ALWAY lose their jobs? I'm already thinking about what I will say to their boss, a friend of mine. I'm hoping he'll cut her loose and not my H. They usually don't lose their job, even so, the correct way to expose at work is to send a LETTER to Human Resources. Just exposing to a supervisor or a friend is a waste of time because it will more likely end up in the trash can. It needs to go to Human Resources so they will be forced to take official action, even if that only involves speaking to the affairees.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. vst, who do you think is the LEAST OBJECTIVE person on this thread? ML, I know.... it's me. But I think I've made some progress since be here. I really do. I'm ready to DO something now instead of waiting for him to. ok, what have you done?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML, I totally see why you feel that way. Here's some info I haven't shared. We own a boat, a cabin cruiser, that is docked 10 mins from his work. We had it over a year now. That is where he is living right now. So the pad was available even before he left home. My thinking is she is going by there in the a.m. before work for a quickie as lunchtime is more risky. They are probably doing lunchtime as well but because of his sudden change of heart about coming home, I think he's protecting his a.m. time. That is when I'm sure the PI is going to get the goods on them. Yes I was inadvertantly helping them before. But now I am working on sinking their boat Now I feel better! Now I know you GET IT. Did you hire the PI?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Soulmate meaning "we've finally found each other" crap.
I'm hiring a PI next week. When I have the photos, I'm exposing. I think the PI will have something fairly quickly.
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wheww ML! I'm glad you think I get it! Having your support in where I am right now means a lot. Thanks.
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Soulmate meaning "we've finally found each other" crap. That is chick nonsense. There is no such thing as a "soul mate." just wait to see how "soulish" they are when the affair is exposed and their affair starts crumbling. I'm hiring a PI next week. When I have the photos, I'm exposing. I think the PI will have something fairly quickly. I do too..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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