SD,

I don't have a whole lot to contribute. But just have to say that I can understand where you are coming from with the anger,,,even if the ExWs are benign acting for a while.

You mention the feeling of 'wrongness'. I feel the same & am fully prepared to feel that for the rest of my life. I'm not really angry about it(not the way I once was), but it will forever feel WRONG. Why? Because it IS wrong, IMHO. I'm not saying that divorce is always wrong - the are certainly circumstances where divorce is the only way to go. But when it comes to Infidelity,,,, well nothing makes that right.

I can't imagine what your friends have gone through with their loss. I do hope you find more time to interact with them. I know it would mean a lot to them.

Sorry to hear that a 'ladybug' caused so much distraction with the Red Rubies the other day! I laughed out loud when I read this because I can TOTALLY imagine the scene.

I'm glad you've had visitors & have been staying busy. You are doing great with your outlook!

Oh, and I think you should have a nice bonfire on the beach with all of your Corporate Crapola Material!!

SD - did I mention thinking about you the other day. I was in the sporting goods store and saw the shoe laces.....all the different colors. And, I remembered telling you the girls would love red laces for their shoes - to which you agreed. So, just remember, you are special and there are almost-total strangers who do think about you.

I second that!

I'll stand in that lot too!

I also completely agree with Bugs and what she was saying about being "wronged" but not feeling that anger.

Who would have thought we would be standing here today not feeling all of that despair?

I..third that!

SD

I'm so glad y'all appreciate me and recognize the truth in what I say. I'm not gonna intentionally lead you astray. Just keep on rememberin' what I said!

BTW, Chai has IRS audit today. She is worried. Y'all need to keep her in mind/prayer today, PLEASE!

Bumping for an update!!! You were back on Page 5 SD!!! We just can't allow it....

OMG - He is probably madly in love............................

Hey SD! Believer! LOL, you think so? LOL.....

Well, he could be. Hopefully not, but he was out of work and dating....................

HMMMMMMM...LOL...

Well SD, I hope you give us and update soon!

Hi, guys

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. No good excuse, I guess. Cupid's arrow didn't hit me or anything.

I've been away from the job for two weeks now. For a while, I was letting it sink in. I wasn't sure how to post about it so I just didn't. I'm not bored. I'm not sorry I'm not still there. I'm not angry at my old employer. I'm enjoying myself. Maybe a little too much, although it's not like I'm doing anything significant.

Lots of time with the kids. Red Rubies softball games. Little league games. Time volunteering at the school--in the kindergarten classroom or on the playground at lunch. These are the things that dominate my schedule now. I'm going to devote some more time to job-hunting.

We had a split-squad weekend, which means that I had time with the kids individually. DS9 talked to me yesterday about what life is like at the other house. That he doesn't like all the time in traffic to get there, that he doesn't like POSOM. That POSOM "yells at everyone except the SCQ--except for when they're fighting (once a month)." That he's a little bit afraid of POSOM. That the SCQ never has any time for him unless it's for homework. What DS9 tells me about POSOM's drinking (4-5 glasses of wine per day) fits with what OMW had told me--POSOM seems to be a functional alcoholic.

For their spring break, the kids will be going to visit their grandparents in Arizona (like last year). This time, her parents are going to come and get them. DS9 tells me that the SCQ will be skiing in Colorado with POSOM while this happens. That "she's not even coming with us. She can't even spare 12 hours."

It's typical wayward behavior. Nothing we haven't seen before. I've been pretty honest with him, telling him that her bad decisions are because of POSOM. That just because she's making these bad decisions doesn't mean she's a bad person, etc. That someday she will regret what she's doing now.

It's tempting to take it up directly with the SCQ (why are you letting this man yell at our kids, do you know that they are afraid of him, do you ever talk to them about how they feel), but things have been so quiet and easy on that front that I'm reluctant to stir up the hornet's nest. DS9 is finally set up for counseling at school, so I want to see where that leads first. And I'll talk with the ILs when they come to pick up the kids.

No dates lately. Just living. Hope everyone is doing well. I'll try to get around and check on people.

Sounds like you're doing just fine SD.

SCQ and POSOM do NOT sound like they are madly in love or soulmates anymore. That house looks fairly toxic. I don't think anybody sees it lasting. They're completely in save face mode.

You are LIVING

They are PRETENDING

The amigos are laregely MIA. I think we're starting to GRADUATE from MB. I'm sure everybody lurks, we just don't have much to post anymore.

Still nice to see an update

Maybe I'll give one soon. I'm a fellow coach now. We had our first practice last week. It was great.

Take Care

SDG,

I'm not in your shoes, but this is where I think we differ very, very much. I'd be reporting this to CPS and demanding an immediate evaluation.

You're exposing your kids to an alcholic. Makes no sense to me. Tell your son that he can't and shouldn't be afraid of POSOM because YOU will deal with POSOM if he ever lays a finger on your DS.

I would also not just keep quiet about this one bit with my ex. I'd handle it through the right channels, but I could not just sit idle on this.

I'd let POSOM know, in no uncertain terms, that if he ever harms your kids in any way he'll live to regret it.

I'd be pounding down doors if my kids told me that they lived with a drunk who yelled at them.

Perhaps your school counselors can do something. They are obligated, by law, to report things to CPS if they suspect abuse. But don't just wait. I'd go talk to them immediately.

He77, I'd be filing for immediate emergency custody on this alone.

Run things by your attorney. Just don't sit idle on this. You don't want to be one of those dads that gets a visit from the cops with bad news about how the step dad or the boyfriend took his frustrations out on his children.

I'm pretty sure what I wrote sounds worse than it is, Red. I talked about it with him and made sure that there was no abuse. The stuff that he's getting yelled at about is stuff that I would be tempted to yell at him about.

I talked with him quite a bit about him telling me if POSOM ever hits anyone, and that I will protect him, and that I can get him out of there, and that he should tell me if and when that's what he wants, but he doesn't want that. He started to think about it (not living there anymore), realized he would be losing the time with his mother, started to tear up, and didn't want to talk about it anymore.

He doesn't want to lose all his time with his mother. He wants things to be the way they used to be and are supposed to be and is probably highlighting the 2% of things that really bother him about the way things are now. At this point, I don't have enough to try to take the kids away from their mother. I'm not going to ignore the situation, though.

I probably shouldn't have, but I as much as told DS9 this. That relationships like this don't last. DS9 agrees that POSOM is a bad person but doesn't think that the SCQ is going to figure it out.

Yeah, I noticed that. Nearly a month since we've seen Chrisner. Three weeks since Bugsy posted. Quite a while since Foxy and SL updated. It's been much less compelling lately. Thanks for posting, amigo. Glad to hear you're doing the coaching thing. It sure is a blast.

And I'm certainly appreciative of those who wondered where I was--as well as the posts earlier about people who care about me (Cinders, Chai, Luna, Rin, B). I kept meaning to reply to those but never quite got around to it.

The problem is that it is completely unnacceptable for this man to yell at your son. Are they married? What the he77 gives this man the right to yell at your kids?

There's NOTHING that gives him that right. Not one dam**n thing. He's not his father.

The older your son gets, the more he'll see that he doesn't have to put up with the garbage from POSOM.

I could care less if your son deserves to be corrected or not. That's your exww's place, not some idiot drinker who is nothing of his.

I'd tell my son that that man is nothing of his and he doesn't have to listen to him or obey him in any way.

Why not go for a 50/50 arrangement? Is that what you have right now?

The time will come when your DS will get fed up and WANT to live with you. Love for mom won't be enough.

I don't care how justified it is for your son to be corrected. That's to be done by a parent, not an imposter and certainly not one that your exww isn't even married to.

THIS is one major area where I don't care how dark Plan B is, but I would make my feelings known to exww. I would tell her that you have zero tolerance for a man yelling at your kids and that he has zero right to do so.

And you taking your kids is not taking them away from her. It's protecting them.

At a minimum you should tell the school counselors. This behavior shouldn't be tolerated at all.

Sorry if I'm not a believer in the Brady Bunch view of step parents (or boyfriends). If you aren't blood then you should keep your mouth shut and let the bio parents handle discipline.

I would worry about complaining to mom because she obviously is not thinking about the kids. She will tell POSOM and he may take it out on your son.

This affair is sure to end, and hopefully it will be sooner than later.

You are doing well by keeping open communication with your son.

Hey!


I'm still around. Lurking mostly, though. My life has become fairly calm and I'm not quite as quick to put a boot up WxH's [censored] (it helps, too, that I'm not sure he remembers I exist and has stopped poking me). Cuts way down on the stories to tell.


This is exactly what he needs to hear. He knows that you will be there if/when the rubber meets the road.

As a boy - he may feel it is necessary to stay with his mother so that he can protect HER. He may see her as weak, just as you do. Your son may see himself as his mother's protector against POSOM since she doesn't know any better.


I still whole-heartedly believe this. It's only a matter of time......

You are a good man, amigo, you deserve so much better than she has to offer.

I do have a bit of an update - nothing major - just a blirp that is now so typical of WxH.

Congratulations on keeping the Rubies attention during the butterfly storm. That's something I just might get distracted by myself! We had 18 inches of snow here this weekend - I'd LOVE to see even ONE butterfly!

Fox

It is very good that he feels safe telling you this stuff. But don't ever tell him he should feel differently. That would mean that what he feels is wrong. It isn't.

Just listen and reassure him that you're always there to listen.

I would personally have no problem telling my sons that they don't have to listen to POSOM and that their mother is the one who should tell them what to do or how to behave. POSOM has no right to tell them anything.

I would have been a POSOM's worst nightmare. I was never nice to OW as a grownup and God help us if they had done things while I was a kid.

I know your son is only 9, which makes it easy for him to be bullied. He'll start asserting himself soon enough. Just be there to listen to him.

Sorry for my rant. I have kids of my own in a situation where I'm truly grateful that the boyfriend knows his place and stays out when he should.