Hi Gabbz, checking in to say hi. Can't believe you saw the Ow walking the beach. I would be tossing her into the waves. Sorry just had these visions. You handle yourself well. One day at a time.

take care. You are a Goddess.

Hi SS2



I have often thought this myself, but his actions do not show that he wants to reunite any time soon. I am doing my best to meet his EN, no LBs, JS, and it is working well but i just dont seem to be getting any positive feedback . I know, i know i shouldnt expect anything back when i am trying to change my negative habits and attitude but it would be nice to hear him say something nice, even give me a nice smile or something but i get nothing really.

I dont golf with him, he is just learning to play himself at the moment and he has a group of friends he goes to practice with, i dont think i would be welcome, it seems to be a lads only group.

I often wondered why he would want to wait 3 years to throw in the towel when he could cut ties and move on anytime but he doesnt seem to be in any hurry.

Hiya Hope,

I didnt always handle myself well, when the affair came out first i socked her one in the mouth and i enjoyed every minute of it LOL :twobyfour:

Hiya Frank,

I am trying to get a bit closer to the bedroom, honest i am, but the snoring sends me in the opposite direction. I got a good laugh when he came back from his trip to Spain.

The man who shared the room with him couldnt get a wink of sleep, he had to go to the living room to the sofa bed and he had to put a towel under the gap at the bottom of the door to try and drown out the noise. H said his friend wasnt in very good form during the trip what with the crappy weather and the lack of sleep. His friend said he was glad to get home for a decent nights sleep. LOL

HI Gab..
Hey… I think stillstanding2 is really on to something here!! That make PERFECT sense and explains a LOT of mysteries!

He means that YOU need to get your thing together or he’s out the door in 3 years… AND… since you ARE getting it together…..ah….He just will wait out his option as long as he can to be SURE…

If you have a contract to rent with the option to buy a house (different but the same ) You wouldn’t exercise that option until you were SURE ,it was the RIGHT fit would you?


Then you know then Remember the Parrot thing I told you… Amazon Parrots learn ONE word SLOWLY at a time… they are good talkers…. African Grey Parrots are STONE SILENT for almost a year… then….. Repeat every word… noise…. Sound (good and bad ) ALL AT ONCE….like a floodgate opening THEY are the VERY BEST talkers….… Your H might be more like the Grey Parrot.. He'll talk your ear off someday...




Well well… God really does work in mysterious ways ! So your H found out there IS some truth to you moving out of the bedroom for reasons OTHER than not loving him…

Hmmm…. He will probably think “Boy… she really MUST love me to put up with this!” When you FINALLY buy those earplugs and HEAVY HEAVY sleep inducing pills and get YOUR QUICKLY BECOMING AWESOME little butt back in there !!

BTW... You may not have to worry about Spain anymore... We had a guy like that when we traveled playing in Darts Tournaments... we almost KILLED each other fighing over WHO had to sleep in the same room....


He finally only went to the locals because he finally had to get his OWN room and couln't afford it....

GOoD Luck and Prayers... Frank

Okay here is the solution
http://www.moldex.com/hearing-protection/foam-earplugs/goin-green.php = back to the bedroom

His lovebank may be empty or in the red. It will take a long time to put him back over the love threshhold. Keep making deposits. I would strongly suggest taking up golf. You don't want him to have very enjoyable experiences (golf with the lads) without you. Recreational Activities are usually in the top five ENs for most men. Guy time is killing your marriage. He hasn't invited you because he doesn't think he will have fun with you. He has told you which lovebusters have killed his feelings for you. All that can change. You have time. Ask him to teach you how to golf. Don't demand it. Let it be a safe and pleasant conversation. Be subtle. Don't demand. You can go with him to the driving range and be with him when he practices. You could have a nice lunch afterwards. You want to be right beside him when he is doing the activities that bring him the most pleasure. You need to be his best friend. Do not fight at all when you are having recreational time. Save it for later if he angers you. His Needs Her Needs goes over this principle in greater detail. It is available on CD and book form.

Oh and please buy the best ear plugs that you can get and get back in your marital bed tonight. You are depriving both of you some of the best opportunities for affection and bonding. Don't wait for an invitation. Just tell him that you can't sleep away from your husband anymore and that you were sorry that you ever left. You owe him an apology for leaving the bed. It obviously hurt his feelings and made him unhappy.

Can you come on this side of the pond and sock the plastic pinata around also. Would give me great pleasure! :twobyfour:

Hi Gabzz, how are things going?

Sorry I haven't checked in on you in a while. Had a few days when I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself, but much better now.

How has the walking been over the Easter break? Have you been meeting his EN's with gusto, and being warm, pleasant and funny to be around?

Can't wait for your update. Sending love and positive thoughts your way.

Gabbz, did you go back into the bedroom and never returned?????
Where are you girl??

How is it going?

Gabzz,

is everything OK? You have me worried.

Please post and let us know you are OK.

SS, Sere,Hope,Frank

i am sorry i have not been here in a while but i got myself into a rut and was feeling very fed up with everything. I had tried what SS said about getting involved with his golfing and he snubbed me which really annoyed and hurt me. He came home one day last week and said he wasnt going golfing that day becasue his friend couldnt make it so i said to him that i would come with him to keep him company if he would like and he said " no your okay i am going to ring my other friend to see if he wants to come" i was hurt by this and said to him that i was only trying to help but he just ignored me and rang his friend anyway.

I dont think spening time together at Recreationl Activity is one of his top EN, we have never really spent much time together at this, he has always gone to the gym, football etc with his own friends and i think he prefers going with the lads and to be honest thats fine with me. I just dont like being snubbed, he could have said it in a nicer way but he didnt bother as usual. He has no problem hurting my feelings and just expecting me to sit back and take it. I know it will be the same with the bedroom issue, he will insult me and i will get upset and round and round it goes

Plan Gabzz is going well and i am feeling good about myself, the clothes are getting looser and thats great! I am really determined to get rid of this weight for ME, I know i have low self esteem because of it so i am really trying hard to stick to this plan.

Heading off to the beach now for a walk so i will check in later for a chat and again i am really sorry i havnt been back sooner.

Gabrielle x

Sorry that didn't go so well.. But I can tell you from a guy's perspective we want have someone golf with us so we can COMPETE...not for the company... You know how that male thing goes..

Just remember the parrot story I told you... Plan "A" is all giving and no receiving for a LONG time.. then.. BANG...all of a sudden they "TRUST" that it's real and really start responding..



[color:#33FFFF] Try thinking of it this way when you get discouraged....


It's like them being lost in the woods... we leave little crumbs of bread along the way home hoping that they will find them and the path home..

The problem is... we can't see them WAY back in the path finding the FIRST few crumbs.... They are coming...we just can't see them....If we lose faith and stop leaving the crumbs...they only get half way home and become lost again... And we have to go to where they got lost and start over....

So it's important to NOT get discouraged and leave them on the path ALL the way home....then all we can do is stand at the end of the path at home PATIENTLY waiting for them to catch up...


Suddenly...we see a little glimpse of them way off in the distance......

Some are so lost they don't even look up until they pick up the very last crumb.....and they are home....
[/color]
GOoD Luck and Prayers... Frank

P.S. Gab my friend...when you get into a rut..COME HERE AND TELL US.... Ah...that's what we're here for...

Gabzz, I saw this on another thread about Harley on CNN. Thought it would apply to your sitch. Take care.

I love this analogy. Small steps, little crumbs Gabzz. Remember this is a long term plan, and it's going to take a while to see the results you want to see. It's clear that RC is not one of his top EN's. so leave that one for now, or maybe try doing something else together that isn't so "male" and sporty.

How about cooking or gardening. Gardening can be a good one because you can get him to do the heavy lifting/hard work type jobs and admire him for doing them. You can also plant some new things that will look good in years to come and make positive remarks about how you can both enjoy them next summer or even in 5 years. When I had my first miscarriage, we planted a beautiful tree that flowers at around the time the baby would have been due. We loved working on it and watching it flower in the years afterwards. How about planting something in memory of your dad?

Glad to hear the walking is still going well. You're doing brilliantly!

I don't want you to get discouraged at your H's lack of positive input at the moment. Just keep plugging away as you are doing, I am certain that things will click, but it will take time.

How is your H treating you at the moment? Are you managing to meet his top EN's? Have you sat down and talked with him about the future? Do you feel safe enough to talk about the future with him or does this scare you?

Looking forward to hearing from you,

love xx

Hiya Frank,

Thanks for that, Its so hard working on my own on our realtionship all the time and not seeing any results and also wondering will i EVER see any.

I like your idea about the crumbs but it looks like someone is eating his along the way before he can get to them I will keep trying and hopefully he might find his way home soon.

Thanks for your help.

Thanks for that Hope,

I know how important sleeping together is now and i really do want things to change in that department but i just dont feel comfortable with broaching the subject with him because he hasnt given me any indication at all that his feelings towards me have changed since he told me he wanted out.

You are right Sere, RC is not on of his top EN, he does love to garden and to give him credit when my brother died in an accident in 2002 he planted a lovely tree outside the house for me in his memory and when my mother died in 2006 he planted a lovely weeping cherry blossom in her memory so he does have his nice side:) He is the gardener in the house even though i do a little bit in the back garden but not as much as him so maybe i will start to take an interest in the garden which might encourage him to join me. Cooking is not a big interest of mine and it is definately not his.

Thanks for the positive outlook you have on my sitch, i really need to hear that sometimes as it can become very discouraging with no positive feedback coming my way.

At the moment he is treating me fine, he is polite and chats away to me about himself and his work and anything to do with the kids etc but there is NEVER any relationship talk at all so to be honest you hit the nail on the head when you asked me if felt safe enough to talk to him about the future and my answer is a big NO, it scares the living daylights out of me that maybe he would say that he still feels the same and wants to split up when our DD is 18. I need to see some positive feedback in order to feel safe enough to talk to him about it.

Thanks for your thoughts and ideas they are appreciated big time as usual.

Gabrielle x