You are all 4 the most part right. Wedding was off b4 I came here. I will not try to marry him in the midst of this. I know I still sound a little stuck on stupid. You are refusing to see him as he is.

But I can't imagine that every marriage started off perfect and that every marriage that didn't start off perfect didn't turn out good. Most do start off perfect. The real work generally starts after the marriage not before. You are really trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear.
I understand and have debated the risk.

Not to be disrespectful, but the M certificate is a very small point when you look at what we really have going on. But many are not willing to consider that in this situation. The Marriage certificate does matter. It is legal and recognized by government, family and friends. Laws change with this "little piece of paper". It matters. Don't fool yourself.

He has no right to do this to me no matter what! You give him the right when you allow it and don't leave.

I would think, based on what I've learned here, that I was not meeting some of his most important EN and I love to LB, so he has the EA, the fact that he is a former cheater makes everything about this worst, but the truth of the matter is what he has done in this case is not really a big deal in comparison. He has convinced you that this is your fault. It IS if you let it continue!
Run... My mother told me the same thing in so many words Please listen to your mother if you won't listen to us!
But this man is the only father my S knows. Because you won't leave. This POS bf is teaching your son how to be a man. Do we really need another selfish, cheating man in the world?
This hurt is nothing compared to what I've already been through and if he made a mistake like anyone could do and he is making an effort to correct it....after all the mistakes that I have made. (forgiving him the 1st several times, and letting him get so close to kids) don't I owe it to myself and my children to see if his intentions are honorable. You already gave him several chances. Do you want to teach your kids that there selfish actions have no consequences? Do you think they really want this man around their mother? They would rather have you happy and whole all to themselves. I promise you that as they get older they will lose respect for you because this will continue.
I will not be stupid. Any decision I make I am going to make with my eyes open. If I know he's a cheating, lying dog and I marry him anyway, that is something that I will have to deal with and ultimately explain to my kids.

A man is a man is a man, H or not, If I were going to condemn him for being a cheater I should have done that 6 years ago. Yes you should have! I have to focus on the exact facts of the current situation. And as it stands he has not slept with another women Are you sure about that?
and I hope he comes through because I am really going to battle for him. On the positive note, I have not cried since 5 pm yesterday. I've only called him once today as compared to atleast 10 times yesterday and I feel good....for now:(

You guys r right though - I give you that!

So I got the goods last night. I made some mistakes that will cause him to be suspicious. So funny, but not. He hasn't really changed his game much, he's doing some of the same things he used to do. Like saving her in the phone under his cousins name. ow, went into vm last night, didn't really leave a msg. just enough to know it was her. But when the vm alert went off he told me it was someone else leaving text. LIE LIE LIE. He is so stupid I was on phone checking his VM before he even finished his lying text msg. story.

So, got the password and I am able to track his outgoing but not incoming (stupid). I can see them and how long they are but not who they're from they could be from me.

He's been calling! I guess I'm not suprised. I checked 90 days of history and this just started mid March. Not even a month, but he's a itching to get in those pants. They seem to miss each others calls often. They talked for 28 minutes on the day he told me he was a sex addict. Other than that their longest call has been 19 minutes. He calls about 3 times a day. But they appear to only talk about once or twice. Here is the kicker. He called her 2 times when we were out at a function. We drink, we danced and he still found time to call her. That hurt.

I feel way different about him today. I'm very torn wanting to skip the carrot and just give him the stick. I feel betrayed and I feel like so what you have been talking to ow for a month. Just stop.

I don't think I can go through with this. I want to plan A but I just think that after everything we've been through I shouldn't have to stand by while he does this. My plan A would probably fail, because everytime I let him slide let me to him wanting to stick the knife in my heart one more time....or perhaps millions. I really want us to work, but I don't see a point in plan A when he knows how much this hurts me. He should be doing the plan A. I don't want to just throw it all away (whatever it is...maybe time and effort). But if he can not resolve to nip this in the bud b4 it goes any further. I'll have to do it myself and I will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He did it. He just got off the phone with ow. I have real time. This is not going to be easy, but I think I need to watch and monitor the calls just to make myself see. A part of me still believes in him... in us. I'm just waiting. But the plan A thing can't work because I can't keep my mouth shut. I'm just going to tell him that he can't keep talking to ow everyday and thing that it's going to go away. and that if he stops we can work things out and that if he doesn't I will never forgive him. I have to do this to him because I told him this b4 I told him I did not deserve it and if he ever did it, it would be over. Really talking crazy now.

HG,

You like it rough so I'll say it again. He is a serial cheater!!! Why are you putting up with this garbage??? Are you afraid to be alone? You are worth so much more then the misery this guy will continue to bring to your life. There are good, honest, faithful men out there but you can't find them when you are wasting your time on this one.

Listen, you have told him it has to end with OW yet he is still calling her. You need to set a boundary that has a consequence and then you NEED TO FOLLOW THROUGH!!! Tell him that if he talks to her again then he needs to pack up his stuff and move out. Then, when he does (notice I didn't say if) then you you need to pack up his stuff and put it outside the front door. At this point, you have forgiven him so many times that he knows he can go forward with this and eventually you will just forgive him again. He can count on that. You have trained him this way. Time for a major wake-up call.

If you do not do this then you are going to continue to live with this pain and misery. Why would you want that?

Mindshare

Plan A is for married BS. I know that you don't think the marriage matters but it does. Before the marriage, the plan is to RUN.