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while I may not agree with the idea here...if it helps YOU, then you should have access to it.
Good luck.
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BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Posts: 8,344
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I love this post. I have it bookmarked for my OC group.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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bumping for Schoolbus....(she requested it on another thread....)
and for any newbies of course....
not2fun
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One of the best threads on this forum.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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bump for another newbie...
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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That was exactly what I needed to hear ARK, thanks
BH - 29 (me)
WAW/WW - 27
Married 2 years
Together 10 years
no children
EA 1-08
Separated 2-08
PA 3-08
NC 4-08
False Recovery 5-08
NC Broken via email 8-08
NC Broken again via messenger 10-13
She walked out again 1-7-09
NC broken again just hours after she left.
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bumping for those who have never seen this.....
this was the one thread amongst many many great ones that got me through the early days after Dday......and the months to follow...
not2fun
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I printed out this post & have it folded up in my purse. Not a day goes by that I do not read it. I've read it in line at the store, bank, walking in the mall, even out with friends when they bring my sitch up I will excuse myself to the bathroom and read it. It's helped alot.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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bumping for schoolbus....who wanted to bump it for someone else....
edited....opps..I mean I bumped it for Cherishing who recommended it to gettingoverit...
Last edited by not2fun; 08/06/08 12:11 PM.
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Ok.. this very thread has contributed quite a bit to the peace that I have managed to scratch out for myself in the year that I have been struggling with my lovely and otherwise very intelligent wife's betrayal and destruction of my family.
I've been trying to find a way to give back along the way and find myself increasingly posting hope to others who find themselves in this terrible situation.
I found something in my devotional 'internet browsing' today from a website designed to help Christians understand Hebrew a little better.. so the info about the translation comes from there.. I'll paraphrase so as not to infringe on any copyright.
When I read the words BE STILL.. I am immediately reminded of Psalm 46:10 - 'Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.'
The premise of the verse has been debated as to whether or not it is a call to meditate/pray/etc on God.. or if it's something else... something different.
After reading the Hebrew information it becomes clear that the verse isn't so much about meditation as it is the MEDIATION of God in our lives.
The command to 'Be Still' comes from the Hebrew - Hiphil stem of the verb rapha. Rapha is an interesting verb, because in english verbs denote 'action' but in this case the meaning is to be weak, to let go, to release.. and so the pure translation of 'Be Still' might better be translated as 'Let go', 'Humble yourself', 'Be weak before God'... and this furthers my earlier devotion today about the pitfalls of pride in those who stand for their marriages, looking at themselves as better or superior in the eyes of others and God, rather than humbling themselves and working on our BS stuff first.
But in the end, why are we commanded often in the Bible to Be Still, let go, surrender and what many of us struggle with.. to die to ourselves. The Hebrew grammar places emphasis in this verse on the imperative to Be Still, and then KNOW becomes the second imperative. In other words, we MUST surrender ourselves to God in order for Him to fully take control and reveal His blessings in our lives. He is Ribbono Shel Olam - the master of the universe.. we must give up trusting in ourselves and our own designs in order to experience God's power in our lives.. (reference: Exodus 14:14)
I hope and pray that this helps someone..
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Just be still means you're dead in the water and open to a full broadside.
Hoist up your sails, raise the Jolly Roger and open all gun ports.
If you are going to go to the bottom burning, leave evidence that you didn't go down without a fight.
You don't have to go on the offenseve, but always be ready to strike back with overwhelming prejudice.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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Ok.. this very thread has contributed quite a bit to the peace that I have managed to scratch out for myself in the year that I have been struggling with my lovely and otherwise very intelligent wife's betrayal and destruction of my family.
I've been trying to find a way to give back along the way and find myself increasingly posting hope to others who find themselves in this terrible situation.
I found something in my devotional 'internet browsing' today from a website designed to help Christians understand Hebrew a little better.. so the info about the translation comes from there.. I'll paraphrase so as not to infringe on any copyright.
When I read the words BE STILL.. I am immediately reminded of Psalm 46:10 - 'Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.'
The premise of the verse has been debated as to whether or not it is a call to meditate/pray/etc on God.. or if it's something else... something different.
After reading the Hebrew information it becomes clear that the verse isn't so much about meditation as it is the MEDIATION of God in our lives.
The command to 'Be Still' comes from the Hebrew - Hiphil stem of the verb rapha. Rapha is an interesting verb, because in english verbs denote 'action' but in this case the meaning is to be weak, to let go, to release.. and so the pure translation of 'Be Still' might better be translated as 'Let go', 'Humble yourself', 'Be weak before God'... and this furthers my earlier devotion today about the pitfalls of pride in those who stand for their marriages, looking at themselves as better or superior in the eyes of others and God, rather than humbling themselves and working on our BS stuff first.
But in the end, why are we commanded often in the Bible to Be Still, let go, surrender and what many of us struggle with.. to die to ourselves. The Hebrew grammar places emphasis in this verse on the imperative to Be Still, and then KNOW becomes the second imperative. In other words, we MUST surrender ourselves to God in order for Him to fully take control and reveal His blessings in our lives. He is Ribbono Shel Olam - the master of the universe.. we must give up trusting in ourselves and our own designs in order to experience God's power in our lives.. (reference: Exodus 14:14)
I hope and pray that this helps someone.. James this is an awesome post. Thank you so much.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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it means you're going down to meet davey jones locker.... arrrhhggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  just be still... means don't spend a second worrying or obsessing about what an active WS is doing or thinking....not doing not thinking don't try to figure them out..... wasted time keep the helm steady and your eye on the horizon...one eye needs a patch though.... and the rest be dayumed..... arkie who is well... hmmmm an ark.... bring on da pirates....
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And another Bump to the top for those who haven't read this....
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Posts: 3,499
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Bumping my favorite thread of all...
Newies, this one is especially important for you all to read and digest....I found it helped me through some of my darkest times....
not2fun
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me - 47  H - 39  married 2001 DS 8a  DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Some of the most painful posts to read here ....is the confusion and turmoil of betrayed spouses....
those post D-day days weeks and sadly months in which so many things are left unanswered, unaddressed and emtpy...
be still.....
In our turmoil and chaos and the gnawing need to fix and address.....bs bring into their hearts more pain and crisis....
be still...
There was once a saying I read somewhere that went something like to really ever understand someone else we must crawl inside of them and feel the gentle beat of their heart....
easier probably for a BS to move a mountain than to grasp and work from that realm....
but be still...
each moment of stillness you can buy grab or gobble is a moment in which you are free from the pain and free from the fear..
fear of doing the wrong thing
fear of saying the wrong thing...
the goal is not marriage rebuilding at any cost...
the goal is guiding yourself to a place of stillness...no matter the outcome....
the anatomy of a WS is that they changed and molded their own thought processes so that they could engage in a affair....
they did this....
they did this....over time and in a way in which they can barely see the reality of this...but they did do it...
be still
it takes time.....
too many posts are from BS with unrealistic EXPECTATIONS which will harm you...
it is unrealistic to think that the thought processes needed to engage in such vile actions....vanishes over night
working through affair issues takes time...gobs and gobs of it...
and if you find yourself standing in a place of demanding change and specified responses, introspection, apologies, and instant change...
be still
for you are causing more grief that you need to burdon....
they did this...and they must undo this...
will they?
the truth is we don't know..
but to ever be a whole person again they darn well better...otherwise they carry their chaos on and on..and in the end no BS needs to burdon that.....
WS, though hard to see when they have used you as a weapon are very very damaged inside.....
they can not face that damage...and since that damage is YOU the BS...they often can not face you..
so they continue to waffle and wallow in the path that brought them to this place...
the way of rationalizing and justifying downright no two ways about it dispicable behavior acts....
force them to the face and process at once..
they will withdrawal
they will deny
they will retaliate
or even worse they will self destruct themselves....
be still....
don't force responses and actions and answers...be still and know that their non-responses , non actions and non answers ARE their answers....and you can hold them accountable to that
be still
and then make your moves....
ARK^^ I was struggling today thinking about how the weekend was coming and not running into H and get maybe my needed fix and saw this old sitch come up. Timing could not have been better. Take a deep breath all of us BS and read these words. I know it helped me today. 
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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