Yes they do go to our church and yes I have exposed them there. I met with the staff marriage counselors. From my understanding if they are members they will be contacted by the church. Sadly they are not members.....however the OWH told me she was going to be baptised but I don't know if that has happened. That would be joining the church. I will check back on that.

Plus the OW has been there for counseling! How can a person be doing this terrible thing yet acting like she is turning to God??

Forget the staff marriage counselors. That is not exposure.

Set up a meeting with the senior pastor. Tell him that OW is having an affair with your husband and that both families attend his church.

Tell him:

1. You are fighting for your family and ask for the church's support in that (seems as how God hates divorce).

2. OWH has told you that OW plans to be baptized and ask him what the church's stance is on baptizing unrepentant, active adulterers?

Do NOT miss this exposure. The adultery in the church must be exposed, and you need to know where your church stands on this issue.

ITA!!

Ok thanks, I will do that.

Getting prepared....could someone direct me to a thread that talks about telling the child? My DD is 9. Or advise on what to say. I read someone elses that said "Daddy has feelings for OW like he should for Mommy and OW feel the same about him." This? and what else?

Also, what do I say to my WH after exposure, you know, when I get that frantic, hateful phone call asking what in the he** am I doing?? Do I only say "I'll do whatever it takes to save my marriage" and leave it at that?

vst, I would let SMB help you with that one. However, I would use a little more FRANK language, lest your DD think you are condoning her daddys feelings. For example, she needs to know this is called ADULTERY and it is a very bad, IMMORAL thing. That is a critical message, because if you don't give her moral guidance about the adultery, your husband WILL. And she will just end up confused.


"I'm sorry you are so upset. Would you like a potato chip?"

Thanks.

I said to my children (ages 9 and 11 at the time):

"You both know that when we marry, God blesses a M and expects us to stay married forever, and that is what Daddy and I promised each other. We are also expected to ONLY love each other, and no one else. Well, right now Daddy is making very, very bad choices...and there is another lady out there who he "likes" kind of the same way he likes me; sort of like a "girlfriend". This is not ok and it's hurting my feelings very, very badly...and this is why I cannot see or talk to him right now (I had just gone into Plan B).

This has NOTHING to do with you guys (meaning our 4 children)...Daddy and I both love you all very, very much and that is why I am trying really hard to fix our marriage. We need to pray for Daddy that he begins making good choices and we also need to pray for the other lady ~ she is not a good person, she wants Daddy to be HER husband and kind of a Daddy to HER children. We need to pray that she goes away and that SHE does the right thing also."

As to what you say to WH:

"I am sorry you are upset, but I am doing everything I can to save our marriage and ending your affair so that we can at least TRY is the first step."

Do NOT get into an argument with him.

Do NOT defend what you have done.

Do NOT apologize for the exposure.

Thank you MF I really appreciate the info.

Another question: since he isn't living at home, once I expose what plan am I in?

Well thus far you've been in Plan C = C for confusion!

You will be in Plan A until you formally go into a well prepared Plan B.

Please read about these!

tst, having been in my WH's shoes, if he thinks she is his soulmate, will he be able to get over this?

I've read about plan A & B, I just wasn't sure since he's out where my situation falls. Thanks for the advice.

It's comforting to hear from a FWS that has recovered....

His affair is no more than a FANTASY!

Once exposed - the fantasy starts to CRUMBLE.

Once it crumbles - REALITY sets in.

Once reality arrives - then you have a chance for RECOVERY!

Thank you thank you !!! I guess I just started to think that our situation would be the exception to the rule. That he could love her and like he said, never really loved me.

Thank you.

"Grown ups" do not talk about "a*ssoulmates". This is an immature, high-school thing that teenagers croan about.

Once the A comes to the light of day and he and the OW see the look of DISGUST and SHOCK on everyone's faces, they will not think they are "soulmates" any longer. WH will eventually be embarrassed by the stupidity of it all.

Thanks MF.

Just thought of another Q. They still work together. Exposure will not cause them to lose their jobs (most likely). Until one or the other leaves, am I still in Plan A but make it known that the work situation will have to change before anything can change?

How do I handle that?