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Thank you SMB!! Thank you. I'm so depressed right now just thinking about what is ahead. I am going to expose. I know I have to. I've told him many times that I won't give up on him. That I know where I/we went wrong and how things will be so very different if he chooses to come home. He's just in the fog...but he is still being very nice to me. Do you think he could be waffeling?
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AGree with SMB to go read her thread. But you could also read your own thread. Everything you need to know is right here if you just want to listen.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Click on that link and then go to page 1. The link itself takes you to the middle of my thread.
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Mel, I understand how you'd be fed up with me. I've gone back and read all my thread. I'm now saying I WILL EXPOSE. I'm taking the advice so please, give me a chance and don't turn you back on me.
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I can't find my original thread. This link I gave you is missing the first 3 months of wayward torture.
But it's a good place to start anyway.
VST, I had all the same fears you do. Melody walked me through this from day 1. Listen to her...regardless of your feelings.
The hardest part of this is taking the first step.
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A thread just got bumped to page 1 that would be good to read.
Star*fish's BS fear thread. You'll see it just a few thread's below your thread.
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Mel, I understand how you'd be fed up with me. I've gone back and read all my thread. I'm now saying I WILL EXPOSE. I'm taking the advice so please, give me a chance and don't turn you back on me. VST, tell us your exposure plan... Who? When? How? Remember, the wording is important. "My husband is having an affair and has left our family. I love him very much and am trying to save my marriage. I'm here asking for your support in that." See, no vindictiveness. You keep your true purpose at the forefront...saving our marriage and our family.
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Exposure plan:
HR VP
Boss
OWH
MIL
SIL's
Friends
My friends and family already know. Thanks for the wording. I will use that.
When? As I said my PI is still working. He got something the 1st day but didn't get the pics. I want to get my moneys worth so I'll see what happens this week. I want to have pics or video and I think he'll get it soon. I've already laid out my week's plans to my WH as it's spring break for our DD. Going to visit my parents on Wed. so by me not being around, (I was OOT the day the PI saw C), hopefully the WH take a meeting with the skank.
I will make phone calls to everyone. As I know his work people personally.
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SMB, your story is remarkable. I can only pray that my WH can make that kind of change. I have no doubt that exposure will cause him to hit rock bottom.
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Oh and exposure also includes our 9yr old DD.
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As far as when exactly (other than when the PI gets the goods), I'm not sure as there are some concerns:
1. we are taking our DD and a friend to an amusement park on Fri. She is very excited.
It would break my heart to have to expose to her and then tell her she isn't going.....Unless I could pull myself together to take her myself....I'm imagining myself a total wreck.
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As far as when exactly (other than when the PI gets the goods), I'm not sure as there are some concerns:
1. we are taking our DD and a friend to an amusement park on Fri. She is very excited.
It would break my heart to have to expose to her and then tell her she isn't going.....Unless I could pull myself together to take her myself....I'm imagining myself a total wreck. VST, I'm going to talk straight with you. No matter how you write it, this is just another excuse to postpone exposure, as is the waiting on pictures. You are worried about an amusement park trip when your family is being destroyed???!!! You need to act. And act now. Exposure isn't going to prevent your PI from getting pictures for you, and you don't need pictures to expose. You've gotta stop this. You ask for advice. There is NO OTHER advice than what you've already been given. Until you DO something, there isn't anything else to tell you.
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As far as when exactly (other than when the PI gets the goods), I'm not sure as there are some concerns:
1. we are taking our DD and a friend to an amusement park on Fri. She is very excited.
It would break my heart to have to expose to her and then tell her she isn't going.....Unless I could pull myself together to take her myself....I'm imagining myself a total wreck. And why can't you go to the amusement park together after exposure??? You still go to the amusement park with DD and WS. That's how you plan A and expose. If he's in an uproar and cancels the trip, go without him. Ask a friend to go with you if you want or a family member. But show him that life will carry on with or without him.
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...I'm imagining myself a total wreck. Well... start imagining yourself differently.
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SMB, Thanks for the tough love. I know you are right. I am going to sign off for now and do some praying. I see from your thread that you are a Christian and I am as well. I need to spend some time with Him and regain some strength.
I see the amusement park thing is pathatic in the whole sceme of things......everything I know is being destroyed here and the sadness is heavy and hard to bear. I guess I just keep hoping that it will just go away on it's own??? Stupid I know.
Thanks and I'll be back later.
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As far as when exactly (other than when the PI gets the goods), I'm not sure as there are some concerns:
1. we are taking our DD and a friend to an amusement park on Fri. She is very excited.
It would break my heart to have to expose to her and then tell her she isn't going.....Unless I could pull myself together to take her myself....I'm imagining myself a total wreck. And why can't you go to the amusement park together after exposure??? You are totally right here. I can do this! You still go to the amusement park with DD and WS. That's how you plan A and expose. If he's in an uproar and cancels the trip, go without him. Ask a friend to go with you if you want or a family member. But show him that life will carry on with or without him.
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sorry I meant to include with the above, that you are so right about that. I can do this!
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I see from your thread that you are a Christian and I am as well. In that case, you need to add some exposure targets. I exposed to our 2 pastors, who were also friends of tst's. I exposed to a handful Christian males friends of tst's that I felt he highly respected. tst said that those exposure targets were crucial to his crashing.
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The exposure to the pastor is nil was we go to a mega church and my WH isn't involved anyway. He goes, went this a.m., but that is it. He isn't a christian.....which I'm praying will change with all this.
The OW supposedly accepted Christ right after DDay but I guess it didn't stick......the sermon at church that Sunday was "Does God need a barf bag when he looks at your life?" she claimed that changed her, she didn't want Him to need a barf bag. I think I need one just from remembering all this!
I just read something that I will add to my exposure plan:
"Let her know if she intends on pursuing this that you will have her named in any divorce proceedings."
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The exposure to the pastor is nil was we go to a mega church and my WH isn't involved anyway. He goes, went this a.m., but that is it. He isn't a christian.....which I'm praying will change with all this. It is still a good exposure target. Your minister should know what is happening to his flock...which includes you. Your pastor can pray for you and your family. BTW, we attend a megachurch, too. Just don't put too much stock into any "advice" you get from pastors. They are not usually very knowledgeable about fighting infidelity. The OW supposedly accepted Christ right after DDay but I guess it didn't stick......  Does OW attend your church? If so, you MUST expose them BOTH to the pastor.
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