I did it because I was being selfish and only caring about me.

It's different because I'm willing to put my a$$ on the line - regardless of whether or not ZW does give me a chance or not. Any stupid prideful BS I had is not part of me anymore.

"I did just offer to stay out at my mother's house. he has that option"

Telling somebody, "I will do x if you want me to" is far different from doing x. In fact, it is shifting responsibility for making the decision (and thus accepting consequences of the decision) onto someone else.

Symptomatic of the whole problem here, coho, you think pretty words are a good enough approximation of action. It's really exhausting to keep hearing you talk about what you're willing to do, especially in this way that's cleverly designed to make it look like you're willing to do something. When all you're willing to do is to push the hard decisions away into the future, onto someone else.

Same old song ... same old singer.

"I WANT TO KNOW WHY THIS WILL BE DIFFERENT. Top question. Question number ONE."

Hi Coho,
welcome back to MB. I don't know exactly what will happen from this point, but that took some courage You made a comment once about being happy that you had not been given as hard time as Flick, guess you know what that feels like now huh? It is a shame you did this, it will make things harder for you now, but all can be overcome, with work.

So, a couple of things... firstly please email me at the addy in my sigline. I am not going to shout at you or beat you over the head, I want to extend a hand of friendship. If it helps, I talk to Kiwijen and looking4 (FWW) offlist and they do not appear to have been traumatised by it
I also have been asked to forward info to you and Zen.

Secondly, I admit I havent been on for a couple of hours so forgive me if you have already answred this (I will look back over after posting this) how are we going to protect Zen and Coho from self destructing Coho? Its a real question and one I asked Flick alot after our FR. I see you have given Zen the passowrds to the secret email, thats a start.

If you would like me to butt out since you now have so many others posting to you, thats okay, I understand

Glib.

no, I am sorry. I am not at all trying to be glib. I don't have it in me to be glib.

I have emailed you.

During this entire episode, she has not gone more than 2 or 3 days without contact.

Thank you.

Please answer this question:

Coho,

You are funny.

Any bartender who uses words like "entropy" to describe personal relationships isn't dumb. You are very smart, too smart for your own good i am afraid.

I hear how you describe your garden and the different plants, your interaction with the children, foods that you and ZW love and cooking various exotic foods for special meals. It is all a fantasy that you have in your head, that that is what SHOULD make you happy.

Then, when it doesn't you are confused and empty. Questioning, "what the heck is wrong with me? This should be the perfect picture!"

I think Believer has a point to some extent, alcohol is a problem for you, but abstinence is not the sole soluiton. You have an addiction to "something new" because what you have right now, even though it should be perfect, leaves you empty.

The simple answer to my questions to you earlier is, "I am selfish, and while i will later care what this does to ZW I cannot stop myself. I will feel guilty for awhile, but I cannot stop myself from the addiction to finding something NEW to excite me. I will then go back to ZW in a panic when i sober up, with a show of remorse and promise to do anything, once more, to give me one more chance. Because going back to ZW, after a night of sex with the OM, shakes things up, and gives me something New."

You are an immature person who has no moral ground and hence no compass to guide you. You want excitement. Even if you can't see it or admit it to yourself.

I just want to say - and I'm putting this in public record.

if ZW wants a divorce, I will not fight on anything. not on the house, not on the kids, not on any assets. nothing.

I have not posted on here for a while, but I have been following this thread.
It appears that Coho has had the Birthday Bash she was planning all along. She probably promised OM one more night of fun..then she would come back GROVELING to the kindness of Zen and do all she can. If he doesn't take her back she can say she gave her all and it didn't matter. TOO LATE for your all. What you do now is just worthless action after you have already stabbed, twisted and pulled the sword upward through Zen's soul.
You are just throwing a match into an already lit fire. Worthless. Right now you are nothing more than a body for a vagina. You took something you promised for only Zen and gave it to someone else. Lying and deceiving and trying to hoodwink Zen and everone else on here. NEWS FLASH..people knew you were full of feces from the get go. Maybe you were worth something a while ago..but as of now..there is none

Now your MO seems to be to agree with everyone on how contemptible your actions were. The same way you did b4. Just agree with everyone and let them vent, then you can sweep it all away. You planned to lead your husband on and then desert him and marry the OM. This is beneath contempt. There is only one word to describe this SADISTIC. If you wanted to marry this other man all you had to do was stay gone, divorce and re-marry. But no you chose to come back to Zen, lying the whole time and continuing the affair while feigning contrition and regret over what you did. I was mistaken in calling you a sexual sociopath. A far more accurate description would be and EMOTIONAL SOCIOPATH.

I am waiting to take the hit from zen on this. And to his credit like b4 he will probably try to protect you.

And you'll throw him a bone by saying "Thank you pumpkin, I can take it" As I have said b4. You are nefarious.

All of the phony remorse has been a waste of space in the past and it is a waste of space now. An abuser will say what she has to say to get folks off her back. Meaningless, empty words that no one should ever take seriously. There is nothing more to be said.....

I have given log in/password to email account.
I have given log in/password to our cell account to see full phone records
I have downloaded GPS tracking to my iPhone
I have called friends and family to apologize
I have talked to Harley this AM and ZW will on Wednesday

Should I just leave? should I go out to my mom's? people seem to be saying I should just do that on my own, but, really? doesn't Harley say to stay close?

I'll sign a post-nup - I'm sure Adam's dad will have someone draw one up shortly.

I did another NC with ZW - we drove to OM's condo and taped it to the door with OM's key.

I'm so scared I really, really broke him. I feel so horrible. Just horrible. I love ZW and want only ZW.

my call with Harley this morning was to set up strategy so that I have a plan to have hope in and to carry on and fight and keep from going down this path again.

I would not blame ZW for divorcing me. I deserve that.

This makes me sick. Too sick to even read anymore.

Thank you for replying.

These steps are great. If you are serious then you need to call out to Tst, Lousy golfer, melody lane who are great, hard hitting but awakening of wayward people.
They will have hard words to say BUT it is stuff you need to have hit home right now. Going back to OM really is a very callous thing, particulary when you did seem to be 'getting it' So alot of people will yell and scream and 2x4 you. Listen to what they say, accept the truth, ignore the false.

As far as leaving. I do not know. I see people saying you should go. How strong are you right now? Can you resist OM? Do you believe in the addictive nature of A's? Do you realise how difficult withdrawl is? Personally I wanted Flick to be home with me even when i didnt like him because at least I knew were he was. You need to ask Zen.

He is who you have to make right with.

I personally don't believe you feel anything. You are doing everything a con artist would. "I really, really broke him"
Like a night of sex with OM would "fix" him

I don't think anyone has asked this question so here it is!!

Where is the Birthday Boy in all this? How does ZW know that he is still not in the picture anymore? What is different this time?

P.S. A lie detector may be of use here if no other reason than find out the true scope of her infidelities. STD test yet again.

A-Fricken-Men

Oh Coho. So proud of you of all the difficult steps you are taking now. How brave. I believe you now, GPS, calls to mother in law, apologies, wow!

Meanwhile Zen is lying on the floor with his entrails in his hands.

This is up to ZW. You WILL pay for what you have done in one way or another.