I guess I am still confused. Some folks here seem to think Plan A works and needs to be worked. I must read some more.

Plan B? Hard to say....

On one hand I know that I have not worked Plan A long enough. My WW seems to think she may move out on her own next month or so. That is not really Plan B and if she does go, then I will need to go dark. That will be hard as we are intertwined financially. If I support enough to allow her to get out that is not really Plan B. She won't feel the pain and even if I limit it to just a little she will most likely ask for more and then I am not dark.

Assuming I have not misread Plan A, perhaps I need to work it a bit and see if that helps (I can feel the flames now...). Not giving in on OM, I tell her that every conversation that we talk about situation. Will try to meet her EN. If that doesn't work then who knows...

RoseC why not contact the Harleys and get a PLAN!!!!

Nothing you have done has worked... you seem lost about plan A and not sure about plan B and it seems to me you are heading for either plan Divorce or just limping along as you are now for the next 30 years.

HOPE is not a plan.

Not all marriages can recover not all should. But you never will know if you don't have a real try at it.

(I know I have a tendency to push for recovery however I have been trying to temper that with reality too.)

Go to the Harleys here and get that PLAN!!! It is FAR cheaper than a divorce.

go on get moving

How exactly are you intertwined financially and how will it affect you if she moves out? Strictly speaking, if she moves out, you should not finance that life for her in any way, shape, or form. Let the reality of supporting herself hit her like a mack truck. And under no circumstances should you allow her to remove any children from the house. They can visit her new apartment, but they stay in the marital home. You could even use that to constitute abandonment perhaps if your situation comes to divorce.

I guess I'm a bit different than many on these boards, because I don't feel like a husband should tolerate a WW continuing her affair after his discovery. Its just the way I'm built. In your situation, I would continue Plan A and improving yourself, while maintaining the importance of NC with the OM. Since she won't stop on her own, apply pressure with further exposure. If she decides to move out, cut her off completely and file for divorce. You can always cancel the process if she comes around, but you may be better off following through.

We have no children together. Our finances are intertwined because I wanted them to be.

I agree with you on the A continueing. It's just I am powerless to stop it. If I divorce she can still see him. I think that is why I have come here. It gives me a way out. A way to maybe fix this.

I want to reconcile and understand that hoping is not enough. I know I need a plan. The thing that is frustrating here, is that there are many good kind folks that want to help. It's just that everyone has their own opinion about the subtleties of the details. The devil is in the details. Not criticizing but the last two posts have very different approaches. I am trying to drink from a fire hydrant. There is a lot of information. There is a timeliness to this. I need a plan for A or B. As I condense all this down and re-read this thread and think about how I felt when I started it a week ago and now, contacting the Hartleys is something to really consider.

rosecroix

Come on RoseC... your excuse to do nothing is just that ... an EXCUSE !

The last two posts were mine and Unfettered. Unfettered simply told you what he thought SHOULD happen and what he would do.

I simply advised you to stop twisting in the wind and going around in ever diminishing circles and go straight to the source of the MB knowledge... the Harleys. Then it would be made clear to you what could be done and how by the experts themselves.

I don't see how you can be confused on that.

Frankly I suspect you are avoiding the experts because you are afraid that their opinion may be to jump ship and divorce her.

You want it to end but won't do anything to help yourself because you are frightened of the possible outcome. Now I for one don't think that fear is unreasonable... we all fear the end of something like our marriage.

What you need to consider ... what you need to answer to yourself... not us here... is are you willing to live in this h3ll that your life has become with your WW for how many years more????

Find out if a plan can work or have a chance to work...

CONTACT THE HARLEYS or click on local help now!!!!!

I know this is hard RoseC... it hurts and it leaves you feeling powerless. You can change that. But it will take time no matter what action you take.

go to the professionals

No, the details are that you are supposed to expose, and you haven't! People are trying to help you PATCH up your plan because it's not a real plan because you HAVEN'T EXPOSED!

Exactly why you need to call the Harleys. In ONE hour, they will cut through all your crap, tell you exactly what is going on and exactly what steps you need to take. They don't waste time on touchy feely stuff. They work on plans.

Also, you need to go back and reread what Plan A and Plan B are. You have it all a$$-backwards. Plan A is NO GOOD unless you have exposed.

And you have NOT EXPOSED to her parents! The number one FIRST people you are supposed to expose to!

So Plan A is a complete waste of time because she's laughing at you while she texts OM 500 times today. Cos she knows YOU ARE CHICKEN!

Man up and call her parents. Two birds...you'll know if she is REALLY with them today, and you will tell them that she is one step away from being divorced.

Plan B is NOT to trick your wife into coming back. It is to stop YOU from going insane waiting for her. That's it.